Sprite's Keeper

Tales From a First (Play) Date

Nothing says "Happy New Year!" like a jury summons.

Today, I get to join the rest of the lottery winners (who don't feel like winners) and wait for either my name to be called to serve on a jury of my peers or get sent home (or back to work) to wait for my name to come up in the pickings again. (Meh. Usually, once they find out I have a Criminal Justice degree, they throw me back anyway. For some reason, they don't like people who understand the law to serve on juries.)

So, while I'm sequestered away from my laptop and other such media outlets, I'm going to share a story with you.

I've got time. Do you?

About three months ago, I was in the produce section of a local Publix with Sprite and John and noticed a little girl with the most gorgeous curls. Shirley Temple has nothing on this little girl's tresses and SHE had professional help. Anyway, the tot and her younger sister looked very familiar. Then I noticed her mother.

"Rachel?" I asked, hoping that she wouldn't think I was a stalker.

She looked over and I could see her briefly trying to place me. Then she saw Sprite. "Oh, hi!"

Two blogs had just gone live.

Rachel and I had been blogging buddies for a while now, and we knew we lived close to each other, we just didn't know how close. Question answered.

We introduced the girls to each other. Sprite, Elizabeth, and Lilli threw any notions of shyness and began showing off their jumping skills to each other near the bananas as we promised to try for a play date soon, but time was short due to the upcoming holidays.

The holidays came. The holidays went. No plans were made. (I am so bad at that.)

December turned into January and any excuses just didn't count anymore. What was I going to do? Wait until Arbor Day to finally announce the holidays as over? I was nervous about asking for a play date. (I swear, asking for a first play date feels like asking for a date. I was all nerves, thinking, Sure, she thinks she knows me from the site. But this is like blogging in 3-D! What if she thinks I'm a full on Monet? The site is nice and all, but up close? Jen is a big old mess! Quick! Which movie did I swipe that quote from?) I sent her a message on Facebook (because asking for a play date in her comments section? Comes off a bit tacky and what if she says no? My self confidence couldn't handle that type of rejection.) and we made plans for last Friday evening to meet up with the girls for some dinner and a stroll to the playground mere steps away.

 

Guess which one is Sprite? No, really! Just guess! Lilli, the one year old who thinks she's three (I think I may have mentioned at least a thousand times that night about how astonished I was with her maturity), is on the left. Of course, Miss Elizabeth with the golden curls is the one in the middle, and was the ringleader of this threesome as they navigated the smaller kids section of the playground and then laid claim to the bigger slides and climbing apparati.

 

The girls hit it off in the best way, no fighting. Okay, maybe Sprite pushed Elizabeth off the whale statue, but she apologized promptly. (Or that could be read, she apologized after being prompted, but she DID apologize.) Cookies and milk were enjoyed in the undercover play area of a local outlet mall, which for some reason had the fans on, despite the temperatures dipping into the 40's. (Hey, it's THEIR electric bill, not mine.)

Rachel and I hit it off as well, (which I think is just as important for a successful play date, even as important as the kids liking each other) talking about everything from blogging to living in SW Florida to World of Warcraft (she's for, I'm against) to common interests. By the end of this night, not only had Sprite made two friends, I had made one myself.

She also helped me with understanding my daughter. Sprite was sitting in the play car, singing something incomprehensible. I just stood there, trying to gain a handle on what she was singing, when Rachel came over and said "I know that song." She then started singing it with Sprite. "Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun..." She then told me where it was from. Barney.

Folks, I don't do Barney. There is nothing remotely Barney related in my home. I even think I signed a clause in my daycare contract banning any Barney-like substances or songs to be presented to my child. I may need to have a talk with her teachers...

 

(Sorry, I had to include this picture of the girls drinking their milk, since Lilli's expression had me laughing. And again, I have to notice the obvious differences between the kids. Here you have two fair haired little angels and the exact opposite. Sorry, my kid sticks out.)

 

While Rachel did her own send up of the play date, I'm hoping this post will tell her we are definitely interested in a repeat.

And maybe this time, we'll leave the kids at home.

My Christmas List

(Quick note: Take a look at the wonderful Secret Santa Spins so far and don't forget! Tonight is the last night to get in on the fun! Email me at spriteskeeper[at]live[dot]com with your short list of favorite blogs!)

"All right, Jen. We're down the the wire. What do you want for Christmas?"

I smiled at John. This was the third time he had asked me, and for the third time I answered simply, "Nothing."

He rolled his eyes, as he had done the past two times. "Come on, there's got to be SOMETHING for you under the tree!"

My smile never wavered and my mouth never opened again. Case closed.

I am typically a very easy person to shop for. If you're looking for a gift for me and happen to be in the vicinity of a Barnes and Noble, Target, or Starbucks, chances are you'll see me smile when I open my gift(card). I never want for anything since I just don't need it. I'm not a clotheshorse, nor a fashionista, not even a purse aficionado.

(Total tangent on the purse thing: My current purse- yes, I have only one- is what John calls "the black hole". It's a big bag on the outside, even bigger on the inside. I lose everything in there. If you call my cell and I don't answer, chances are that I heard it, but had to stop somewhere around my wallet and ask for directions. I have overturned my purse in frustration and anger too many times to count only to lose more patience as I picked everything back up. So, when my mom wanted to know what I coveted for Hanukkah, I kept my eye open for sales on Black Friday and spotted a nice purse with organizational compartments made for someone like me. The price was perfect and I dropped my new purse on the counter as she was paying for other items. "Want to know what I want?" I asked. She looked to the purse I had forced into her pile of purchases. "Happy Hanukkah to me," I added. The purse is now sitting wrapped under our tree while I torture myself for just one more day until I can switch my things from old to new and reduce "the black hole" to more of a dwarf star. I would give the old purse to Sprite, but I'd probably lose her in there.)

John gets annoyed with me when I can't give him concrete answers on what I want, since my answer is always "nothing". (His list was easy. He wanted the World of Warcraft expansion pack. And he got it. Or will get it tomorrow.) So, to appease his growing temper (or completely push him over the edge), I am publishing my list.

What I want for Christmas:

1.To wake up Christmas morning next to my husband (that would be you, John) and smile in anticipation of all the plans we have for our daughter for her first Christmas at home.

2. To see Sprite's face light up with the wonder and excitement that every new activity and gift brings.

3. For my parents to arrive safely upon our doorstep in time to celebrate the ending of Christmas and continuation of Hanukkah with us.

4. For the brisket I will attempt to take on to actually come out okay. (Or we can look forward to spending time together in the ER.)

5.. For my sister, in-laws, nephews, and nieces to know how much we miss being with them at this time of year and to know how hard it was to make this decision to start our own traditions, especially knowing we may not see them.

6. For the economy to stop picking on my family. And my friends, real and blogwise. Let's just say the country as a whole. (I think the economy could use a little Christmas spirit in its eggnog.)

7. To relax in the safety and warmth of my home with the closest people in my world. And my Google Reader.

8. For John to fold the load of laundry that is currently beeping in the dryer and breaking up my concentration. (Just seeing if you're paying attention, babe.)

9. For all my friends, in both the physical and literary sense, to get all of their Christmas wishes.

10. A wonderful memory of Sprite's and my first actual Christmas to carry with me for the rest of my life.

John, if you can find a way to get this all under the tree, you'll have made all my wishes come true. And give Santa a run for his money..

WoW: Recruiting Them Young

 

"Look, Jen! She likes World of Warcraft!"

"John, just because she's sitting in your lap while you're playing, doesn't mean she likes it."

 

"Ha! She's trying to play!"

No, she's trying to copy Daddy.

   

He considered this a holiday hint for the expansion pack that was just released.

I questioned the validity and irony of a desk calendar referencing a game that forces you to lose track of hours, days, and allegedly weeks of your life.

Hm, should I be naughty or nice?

Journey to The Dark Side (Come on, you know you want to..)

Something astonishing has happened over the last couple of weeks. John has been taking time off of World of Warcraft.

(I'll pause here to let it sink in. I know. I'm still a little dazed.)

I didn't know if the reason behind this sudden stall in gaming was the new job, or the fact that he's been a little under the weather lately, or the lunar cycles. And then I questioned his recent interest in joining me in my alone time long before his 10PM curfew.

"Well, I don't know. I'm not feeling all that well and it takes a lot of skill and concentration to play."

"Yes, yes, I understand that. Walking and dying can be taxing on your fingers. Cut the crap. Why aren't you playing so much anymore?"

(Pause)

"Well..."

"Why aren't you joining any raids?"

"I'm not playing so much with those guys anymore."

"Why?"

"Because their skill levels are much higher than mine and..."

"And?"

"Well..."

"What, they don't want to play with you anymore?"

John rolled his eyes. "Not exactly. They want me to practice and go do a few quests on my own and then I should be able-"

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped my mouth. "They threw you out of the guild?"

Silence. (Oh, damn, was this going to be a milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moment?)

"So, are you practicing?"

"Jen, it's boring when you're doing it on your own and the only people to partner with are either lowbies or kids."

(Lowbies. I like that. Like newbies, but not new. Just low. Oh, sorry, back to the conversation.)

I thought of something. "Why don't you play with Justin?" (Another WoW friend.)

"He's a bad guy."

"So? Be a bad guy."

John shook his head. "No, that wouldn't work. If the guild found out I had a bad character, they would flip out."

"So, don't tell them you're a bad guy." Ooh, idea! "AND, hide your identity, find out where they are, and attack 'em! You know their skills and maneuvers, easy kills!" (I still can't believe we had this conversation.)

John actually seemed to consider this. So, I kept going.

"Can you be both characters at the same time?"

"I would have to have two accounts to do that."

"So, get yourself another account so you can be in both places at once, like a mole! You know, go all 24 on their ass!"

John started laughing. "Don't you think they'll question why I'm the only one not getting killed?"

"Nah, they'll be too busy dying to notice you're still standing. Then you can collect all their crap and flee like the evil bad ass you are."

John looked a little surprised that I was actually encouraging him to foray deeper into the abyss that is World of Warcraft, but this conversation taught me a few lessons:

1. I actually enjoy my time alone and John's interest in joining me for my alone time is not conducive to my alone time. (Redundant much?)

2. I want John to be able to have his creative outlet and therefore I will continue to encourage that outlet even if the outlet is plugged into the World of Warcraft server.

3. I need to work on my milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moments and try not to suggest revenge as a solution to problems.

4. Milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moments are not just between parent and child, I guess, proof evident in the above conversation.

5. Sometimes, it's good to be bad. (Oh, yeah...)

I haven't asked John since this conversation whether or not he would actually go through with it and he was playing the game last night, but I didn't ask if his character was a good witch or a bad witch.

My guess is that he's still a good witch, because he was dying a lot.

And in the World of Warcraft, only the good die often.

(Yes, I know that was a Billy Joel song, but I changed it to suit my needs. My blog, mine!)

Big Purple Elephants Welcome (Mostly)

This follow up has been a long time coming.

Despite the fact that this website is dedicated to the wackiness of a toddler's life, I wrote a post on World of Warcraft a couple of months ago and trashed it good naturedly. Well, maybe not TOTALLY good naturedly, but I'm sure the big purple elephant forgives me. (Mostly.)

I still get frequent hits on this post thanks to a post on Momformation in which a lot of women out there weighed in on how much they hate their husband/boyfriend/significant other's gaming habits and the toll it's taking on family life.

In fact, a few people have taken my blog and linked me to some World of Warcraft fansites and bashing forums where my words have been twisted, turned, and villified in some cases by people who either love or hate what I have to say on the matter. This has forced me to add the label on the left side in which I am kindly asking you to let me know before you use my material elsewhere, because I do like to see what is being said about what I said. (Did that make sense? Eh. It's late. It'll make sense in the morning.) 

I am considering (although that may give it more attention than it deserves) adding a direct link to the original World of Warcraft post and reopening the comments section since I truly am interested in how others have dealt with this issue. The more comments I get from people (and it's mostly women), the more concerned I am about how they handle it and what they can do to make their lives a bit happier in the face of this cult in the making. Or at least give them a big cyber hug.

Here's my disclaimer. (Funny how a mommy blogger would need a disclaimer, but, again, if I'm not getting paid for my assvice, I'd rather cover my WoW bashing tushy here.) This post is going to discuss how John and I have come to terms with the other woman in his life and how we all live together without me going all stabby. (Again, said in jest. I don't stab. My revenge is a little more creative and time consuming than that. The choreography alone is months in the making.) So, please, this is just what John and I have done which helped US. It may not help you. Or you. Um, you probably. But definitely not you. Are we clear? Groovy. Now, grab your frontal lobe, slap it good, and make it pay attention as this is where it counts.

First the back story. Back in 2000, John discovered an online game called Diablo and was quickly hooked. The fact that our good friend and roommate, Richard, was also on the game, only hooked John more as they joined forces nightly for HOURS on end to do battle, rob, steal, whatever, with and against other players. I remember battling with him constantly over the amount of time he would spend on the game, sometimes all day if he could. He finally gave up the game. I was happy that he gave up the game. Life was good. I gave him back his cat. (The fact that he didn't originally have a cat is irrelevant here. The point is, I gave it back.)

Life moved on and we got pregnant. Life sped up and we gave birth. Life came to a screeching halt when last year, John started playing a demo game (See? That's where they get you! "Try it free! 15 days! No harm, no foul!" You're screwed.) of World of Warcraft, and little by little, I would walk into his office and find him, well, walking. Or dying. Usually one or the other. (At least, that's what I always find him doing. I'm sure he's doing something Wow-ish the rest of the time, but I see what I see.)

This became problematic when he took every opportunity (the baby is sleeping, play a little WoW) to sneak onto his game (Jen is sleeping and the baby is sleeping, play a little WoW) and snort some more of the cyberspace cocaine. It became a battle when every minute I turned around, he was glued to the monitor and his character's backside. (Which now has a tail. Is that an upgrade?)

We argued about it. A lot.

He had good points to defend his gaming. It provided an outlet for him to de-stress from toddlerville. Agreed. I do the same with this blog. (Only I poke fun at toddlerville. And John. But mostly toddlerville.) It's a way for him to meet up with friends like Richard who live elsewhere and he would never see otherwise. Agreed again. I do the same with this blog too. Our big contention was the time he spent on the game. It was out of control. He was rushing to the console every chance he got to the point that I didn't even have to wonder where he could be. I knew where he was. I didn't have a laptop then so we were battling each other every night for screen time as soon as the kid's head hit the pillow.

We had a la-hong discussion about his gaming ways and the way it was chipping at the fragile family life. He kept going back to the fact that it's his hobby. I understand a hobby, but I also understand the distructive nature of gaming and the effect it has on entire families. (I've read a lot of comments. Believe me, I understand.)

John and I agreed on one big point. The game should NEVER interfere with or supercede time with Sprite. This negotiation was settled very quickly. If John was needed in any way Sprite related, the game was dropped immediately, even if his character was getting the crap kicked out of him at that moment. (He dies all the time anyway. He should be used to it by now.)

Another point we agreed on. Bedtime. Game over at 10PM Eastern. No gimmees, ifs, ands, buts, or butts with tails about it. Sometimes, I do need to throw something at him to remind him of our agreement, but he's pretty good about it most of the time. I haven't had to hone my throwing skills for a couple of weeks now.

We took a long hard look at our evening activities and what we like to do. I like to relax with a good workout on my trusty treadmill and watch tv or read or blog (sometimes all at the same time) before bed. These activities are not John's idea of a good time. Richard reminded me of this in a comment he wrote about my WoW scolding. And I understand it. John does not need to be with me every moment from the time we get home until the time we leave for work. It makes sense that we have some actual ALONE time which does not include each other. Unless I take up knitting in which I need him to hold yarn, he does not need to validate my parking in front of the tv.

Sometimes, we have our date nights and WoW isn't touched at all. I know John misses it on those nights, but he doesn't complain.

But, to make sure John understood that I truly want him to have his hobby and know I support his time alone (NOT the game, but his alone time), he has one night a week when, as soon as Sprite goes to bed, I let him be and he can game all night if he wants to. He savors his Friday nights. In fact, if you think of it in terms of dieting, Friday night is his cheat night and he can gorge all he wants on raids and pillaging and general cyber mayhem until he drops. He is aware though, that any lack of sleep is his own fault and I will be very pissy if he's slacking on the parenting post due to a WoW binge.

I figured that as long as John understood the importance of the game and how unimportant it really is, I could forgive the fact that he plays.

So, that's the way we work it out. We're very happy with the schedule and I've even forgiven the occasional last minute raids he wants to join. I have told him no some times as well when I knew the next day would be very busy and he would be needed.

So, he gets to play. I get to make fun of it sometimes, and Sprite gets Daddy time not out of obligation or the server being down, but out of Daddy's genuine desire to be with his daughter.

There are some out there who have commented elsewhere and on this site about how this game and their partner's gaming has seriously impacted their lives and I feel for them. I hope they can take some of the things John and I have worked through and let it inspire them to try to make it work for them. Hopefully, they can learn to deal with having the game in their lives and work out a schedule or maybe use the laptop this post is on to beat the hardheaded partners over the cranium for better emphasis. (I kid.) (?)

Okay, I'm putting away my torch. I'm stepping off my soapbox. Please refer to the above disclaimer if you seriously are comtemplating beating anyone over the head with a computer (if you can't consider the pain of your partner, consider the uselessness of a dented laptop), and try to play nicely. It's 10:05PM, and I need to work on my aim.

Tomorrow, we're back to our Sprite Ways of Wackiness.

(Editor's Note: This post was written late Monday night. Yesterday, John was laid off. Last night, not one minute was spent on the game and all his time was spent updating his resume and applying for jobs through all the major search engines. Although, it does make me wonder, if WoW paid people to play, would we women be a little more understanding with the excess time spent on the game? "It's okay, honey. I'm in overtime!" )

Labor Lawlessness

John comes up to me while I'm loading the dishwasher. "I just got an email saying there's a raid tonight from 8:30 to 12:30. Is this all right with you?"

The fact that I know he's referring to World of Warcraft makes me a little woozy. "A four hour raid?"

"Yeah, but we have a fifteen minute break from 10:30 until 10:45."

"Seriously? You have scheduled breaks?"

"Yup, for things like snacks and bathroom breaks, you know."

I guess even the gaming world is subject to labor laws.

It shouldn't be too hard to talk John into working overtime and maybe make this game pay me back a little.

It owes me that much.

Wow, I hate WoW

World of Warcraft. (Anger building....)

If you like the game, you should really stop reading now. Yes, now.

If you don't like this game, read on. (And hi! I think we'll get along just fine.)

If you hate this game with all the heat of a thousand suns, I love you, kindred spirit. I'm about to trash it. Make sure you're wearing your safety goggles. Big purple elephants are gonna get hurt...

John has been playing this game for months now and it has taken residence on our computer screen every night, clogging John's mental arteries, stealing our time together, and making me pissy.

He logs on every night at 8pm, earlier if I can't get to the computer fast enough. We have had (playful) shoving matches trying to trip each other over, both of us racing for the machine. Whoever sits in the chair first wins. I usually lose. A lot. (Especially the nights when it's my turn to give Sprite her bath. John, you're SOOO busted...)

In his defense, he does wait until Sprite is in bed (most of the time unless counting the above occurrences) before heading to his addiction. So, I'll give him that.

I just don't understand the draw of this game. For those unfamiliar (consider yourselves lucky) with World of Warcraft, it is an online role playing game (Akin to Dungeons and Dragons, only you get to play in your underwear since no one is physically there with you...except the wife in the background who is plotting your motherboard's death) in which your goal is to complete levels. There is no winner (because that would mean the game ends at some point. And this game does not end, hence my hatred.). There is only surviving. You perform certain quests, you make friends with the other online players, form cliques and alliances (like public school, only on this, you pay a monthly fee for the social torture you spent years trying to escape) and you can even be good or evil depending on your preference.

There are races and species of characters, villages, entire cities, magic performed, etc. This game seems to offer many parallels to reality, except it ISN'T.

Millions of people are addicted to this game. That's right, I said ADDICTED! Divorces have been finalized due to this game. Lives have been lost due to this game! (Okay, not literally, but there are people on this game who spend DAYS living in their alternate universe, not caring that reality is just beyond the 19 inch screen they are so focused on. I imagine these people see everything in pixels.) (Ooh, wait. I CAN relate! I used to play Tetris on Nintendo. And after playing the game for a while, I would start to picture everything around me as if I were still playing the game. I used to dream about Tetris. "The Simpsons" had an episode where Homer went through the same thing trying to cram a slew of garage sale purchases into his car after playing Tetris. Very cool episode...AND we're walking..)

I have stood behind John and watched his character for minutes before I thought of something better I could do. (clean my bathroom grout...clean my neighbor's bathroom grout...)

Did you know the characters have to walk everywhere? John's character doesn't just begin another quest right after he finishes the last one. He has to get to it first.(Like visiting relatives who live one state over.) They walk or ride their big purple elephants (I think there are different options for these creatures, but John prefers something that looks like an elephant and it's purple, so there you go.) to get to the next village or wherever the next quest begins. John says this usually takes about 20 minutes or so depending on where he's going. That's right everyone, twenty minutes of walking and watching the virtual terrain pass you by. This mean he spends a good part of his time staring at his character's butt as his character walks or rides to his next adventure. (Oh, yeah, you can personalize your character's appearance too. John's character has a very well developed hiney and not much fashion sense. Honey, Rainbow Brite went out in the 80's.)

The characters can team together with others to complete a quest or just gang up on an unsuspecting or weaker character and beat the virtual snot out of him. (Online bullying even affects this game!)

John told me that his character gets killed several times a night, sometimes several times within an hour. (If you pause the game to pee, get a drink, put your eyes back into your head, your character can get killed just for standing there. He often needs backup to protect his character when he has to pause. ..Can we say virtual gang violence?) He then becomes a ghost and is sent to a graveyard to be resurrected, and then he can go right back to what he was doing. Which was walking, basically.

John and I have bickered over this game. A lot. We have an agreement for the most part. Saturday through Thursday, he gets to play from Sprite's bedtime until 10pm. I'm not allowed to bother him during this timeframe unless I need his help immediately (like killing a spider) (or taking out the dogs) (or "Honey, I think we need to paint the bedroom. Would you like to look at some paint samples?") or there's an important call.

On Fridays, he gets to stay up as long as he wants to play the game until his gaming buddies realize, whoa, they actually have a life they need to get back to, or John falls asleep. And I won't bother him. Really, I'm very good about this.

Sometimes, he forgets and goes beyond his time limits and I have to come after him to stop suckling at the game server's teat and come to bed. I don't like to do this. And my attitude about it usually tells him in no uncertain terms that I don't like to do this.

I'm trying to be a good wife and let my husband have his hobby, but this game just pisses me off. We have several married friends (John has tried to recruit me into this cult of theirs, and failed) who game together and have a lot of fun with it. They spend their time together virtually. (I guess dinner and a movie are just so passe now, huh?)

John wouldn't want me on this game anyway. I would make his virtual life a living hell. I'd have my character go after his character just to nag him about taking out the trash. While walking or riding our big purple elephants to the next quest, I would keep telling him to turn the radio station or "let's pull over somewhere, I gotta pee". I would bring snark into a realm where snark has never dared to enter. (No, I'm not going to. I actually love my husband despite his stupid gaming ways and I'm just not interested in wasting my evening hours on this when I could be cleaning the afore-mentioned bathroom grout.)

I guess I just don't see why so many people would choose to exit reality and enter this virtual world where nothing you do actually impacts your life. The game does not increase your social skills, because, let's face it, you are still alone in your own home and projecting yourself or who you wish you could be into a pixelated being that will always only be a figment of your virtual imagination. This game will not make you smarter. This game will not make you richer (unless you sell your character on Ebay to some really stupid schmuck who will buy virtual merchandise just so he doesn't have to take the time to complete the levels himself). This game will not help you network. And if it does, um, yeah, not going to wrap my thoughts around that one.

Okay, I'm winding down. My rant is done. I have to get off the computer now because John is right behind me wanting to get back to his game. Looks like he has a lot of walking to do. And I'm heading to my treadmill, because, frankly, so do I. (Is there a correlation here? .... Nah!)

(By the way, if I've gotten any of this wrong or misquoted something about the game, I really don't want to know or be corrected, because, honestly, I DON'T CARE!)

(Oh, and John, if your gaming buddies have your character meet them in the back of some alley in the netherworld for a beatdown cuz your wife snarked on WoW, um, have fun!)