Sprite's Keeper

All's Fair In Love And Fishies

"Hey, here's the fishie puzzle!" I pulled the wooden Melissa and Doug board from the high shelf and set it down on the low table for Sprite to get a look. She immediately sat down and waited for me to rearrange the colored inserts so she could match the colors and right my intentional wrong.

I sat with her, watching her complete the puzzle, watching her mind at work. I noted how she did not pull every insert out and then rearrange them neatly. She went one by one, swapping a purple piece for a pink to find its rightful home, moving on to the blue, one by one across the board until everything was uniform.

"All done!" she proclaimed. I dumped the pieces out again and rearranged them for her to do it again.

The door to the classroom opened and a teacher entered, followed by three toddlers. One of them came over and watched Sprite as she attacked the puzzle.

"That's an orange one. It goes in the orange fish," he instructed as Sprite picked up an insert.

"Thank you, Kenny. That was very helpful," I replied, smiling at him.

How cute, he's helping her.

He commented on every color she touched until the puzzle once again sat finished.

"Sprite, let's give Kenny a turn."

Sprite looked at me under heavy lids. I knew she wanted to continue playing with it, but the poor boy desired a chance. And, being her mother, I would have to be the one to sacrifice her fun. "Sprite, we need to share. Let Kenny have a turn, please."

I pushed the puzzle toward him and mixed the pieces exactly as I had done with Sprite. I watched as he took all the pieces out and then put them back one by one. Different approach to the same result.

"Done!" he announced.

"Good job! Okay, Sprite's turn now!"

Sprite clapped her hands, ready to have at it again.

"No."

I looked back to Kenny, who was now hovering over the puzzle, his brows scrunched together. "No, my puzzle."

Excuse me? "Kenny, we're supposed to share. You just had a turn. It's Sprite's turn now."

"No, mine."

My smile faltered. How could I put it so he would understand? "Kenny, Sprite let you have a turn. You finished your turn. It's Sprite's turn now."

"Puzzle! My turn!" Sprite added, her voice taking on the "I'm about to test my vocal range if you don't get this flipping game back" level.

"No!" Kenny barked, leaning over farther still until his body completely covered the fish. "My fishies!"

He scowled at Sprite as I scowled at him. The little pisher had taken my act of kindness and stepped all over it. So. Not. Cool.

"Come on, Sprite, let's find something else to play with." I took her hand and led her away from the table to the rug on the floor where two girls were playing with baby dolls. Sprite forgot her love of fishies and grabbed a doll to join the fun. All the while, I kept an eye on the little thief who carted the prized puzzle with him as he walked about the room. Finally, he placed the board down and made his way to a teacher. He had abandoned the puzzle.

I watched him. He paid no attention to us or the puzzle, his back turned to confirm that yes, he was done with it. (Read your Toddler Handbook, Section 203. "Once the child turns his back on the toy, the toy becomes available for the next child. No give-zees back-zees.")

"Sprite," I whispered.

"Mommy," she whispered back.

"The fishie puzzle. It's free."

"Fishie puzzle." Her eyes stayed on her doll.

"Go get the fishie puzzle." I pointed to it's new location. Come on, I thought, get the puzzle back.

Sprite dropped the doll, walked over to the puzzle, and picked it up. That's my girl!

"No, my puzzle!" Kenny shouted from across the room as his mouth opened in horror. Sprite looked over and saw him break out into a run. She paid him no heed as she brought the puzzle over to me and sat down with her recaptured trout trophy.

Kenny ran over as fast as his three year old legs could carry him. "Sprite took my puzzle!" he shouted, looking to me, the only adult paying attention, for help.

I held my hands up. "Kenny, you left the puzzle. Sprite gets to play with it now (you little punk)."

His face grew red as he realized this adult would not see things his way. "That's not fair!" he shouted.

"Sorry, Kenny. You can wait your turn or find something else to play with. And use your indoor voice please," the teacher interjected, finally coming over.

He looked at the teacher in dismay and then back to me. Two adults just shot him down? He burst into tears and ran for the corner.

"All's fair in love and fishies," I said under my breath. Sprite heard and repeated me word for word, leaving me a little chagrined for my obvious lack of patience with the toy tyrant.

A little.

I really need to work on my social skills..

Journey to The Dark Side (Come on, you know you want to..)

Something astonishing has happened over the last couple of weeks. John has been taking time off of World of Warcraft.

(I'll pause here to let it sink in. I know. I'm still a little dazed.)

I didn't know if the reason behind this sudden stall in gaming was the new job, or the fact that he's been a little under the weather lately, or the lunar cycles. And then I questioned his recent interest in joining me in my alone time long before his 10PM curfew.

"Well, I don't know. I'm not feeling all that well and it takes a lot of skill and concentration to play."

"Yes, yes, I understand that. Walking and dying can be taxing on your fingers. Cut the crap. Why aren't you playing so much anymore?"

(Pause)

"Well..."

"Why aren't you joining any raids?"

"I'm not playing so much with those guys anymore."

"Why?"

"Because their skill levels are much higher than mine and..."

"And?"

"Well..."

"What, they don't want to play with you anymore?"

John rolled his eyes. "Not exactly. They want me to practice and go do a few quests on my own and then I should be able-"

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped my mouth. "They threw you out of the guild?"

Silence. (Oh, damn, was this going to be a milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moment?)

"So, are you practicing?"

"Jen, it's boring when you're doing it on your own and the only people to partner with are either lowbies or kids."

(Lowbies. I like that. Like newbies, but not new. Just low. Oh, sorry, back to the conversation.)

I thought of something. "Why don't you play with Justin?" (Another WoW friend.)

"He's a bad guy."

"So? Be a bad guy."

John shook his head. "No, that wouldn't work. If the guild found out I had a bad character, they would flip out."

"So, don't tell them you're a bad guy." Ooh, idea! "AND, hide your identity, find out where they are, and attack 'em! You know their skills and maneuvers, easy kills!" (I still can't believe we had this conversation.)

John actually seemed to consider this. So, I kept going.

"Can you be both characters at the same time?"

"I would have to have two accounts to do that."

"So, get yourself another account so you can be in both places at once, like a mole! You know, go all 24 on their ass!"

John started laughing. "Don't you think they'll question why I'm the only one not getting killed?"

"Nah, they'll be too busy dying to notice you're still standing. Then you can collect all their crap and flee like the evil bad ass you are."

John looked a little surprised that I was actually encouraging him to foray deeper into the abyss that is World of Warcraft, but this conversation taught me a few lessons:

1. I actually enjoy my time alone and John's interest in joining me for my alone time is not conducive to my alone time. (Redundant much?)

2. I want John to be able to have his creative outlet and therefore I will continue to encourage that outlet even if the outlet is plugged into the World of Warcraft server.

3. I need to work on my milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moments and try not to suggest revenge as a solution to problems.

4. Milk-n-cookie heart-to-heart moments are not just between parent and child, I guess, proof evident in the above conversation.

5. Sometimes, it's good to be bad. (Oh, yeah...)

I haven't asked John since this conversation whether or not he would actually go through with it and he was playing the game last night, but I didn't ask if his character was a good witch or a bad witch.

My guess is that he's still a good witch, because he was dying a lot.

And in the World of Warcraft, only the good die often.

(Yes, I know that was a Billy Joel song, but I changed it to suit my needs. My blog, mine!)

Big Purple Elephants Welcome (Mostly)

This follow up has been a long time coming.

Despite the fact that this website is dedicated to the wackiness of a toddler's life, I wrote a post on World of Warcraft a couple of months ago and trashed it good naturedly. Well, maybe not TOTALLY good naturedly, but I'm sure the big purple elephant forgives me. (Mostly.)

I still get frequent hits on this post thanks to a post on Momformation in which a lot of women out there weighed in on how much they hate their husband/boyfriend/significant other's gaming habits and the toll it's taking on family life.

In fact, a few people have taken my blog and linked me to some World of Warcraft fansites and bashing forums where my words have been twisted, turned, and villified in some cases by people who either love or hate what I have to say on the matter. This has forced me to add the label on the left side in which I am kindly asking you to let me know before you use my material elsewhere, because I do like to see what is being said about what I said. (Did that make sense? Eh. It's late. It'll make sense in the morning.) 

I am considering (although that may give it more attention than it deserves) adding a direct link to the original World of Warcraft post and reopening the comments section since I truly am interested in how others have dealt with this issue. The more comments I get from people (and it's mostly women), the more concerned I am about how they handle it and what they can do to make their lives a bit happier in the face of this cult in the making. Or at least give them a big cyber hug.

Here's my disclaimer. (Funny how a mommy blogger would need a disclaimer, but, again, if I'm not getting paid for my assvice, I'd rather cover my WoW bashing tushy here.) This post is going to discuss how John and I have come to terms with the other woman in his life and how we all live together without me going all stabby. (Again, said in jest. I don't stab. My revenge is a little more creative and time consuming than that. The choreography alone is months in the making.) So, please, this is just what John and I have done which helped US. It may not help you. Or you. Um, you probably. But definitely not you. Are we clear? Groovy. Now, grab your frontal lobe, slap it good, and make it pay attention as this is where it counts.

First the back story. Back in 2000, John discovered an online game called Diablo and was quickly hooked. The fact that our good friend and roommate, Richard, was also on the game, only hooked John more as they joined forces nightly for HOURS on end to do battle, rob, steal, whatever, with and against other players. I remember battling with him constantly over the amount of time he would spend on the game, sometimes all day if he could. He finally gave up the game. I was happy that he gave up the game. Life was good. I gave him back his cat. (The fact that he didn't originally have a cat is irrelevant here. The point is, I gave it back.)

Life moved on and we got pregnant. Life sped up and we gave birth. Life came to a screeching halt when last year, John started playing a demo game (See? That's where they get you! "Try it free! 15 days! No harm, no foul!" You're screwed.) of World of Warcraft, and little by little, I would walk into his office and find him, well, walking. Or dying. Usually one or the other. (At least, that's what I always find him doing. I'm sure he's doing something Wow-ish the rest of the time, but I see what I see.)

This became problematic when he took every opportunity (the baby is sleeping, play a little WoW) to sneak onto his game (Jen is sleeping and the baby is sleeping, play a little WoW) and snort some more of the cyberspace cocaine. It became a battle when every minute I turned around, he was glued to the monitor and his character's backside. (Which now has a tail. Is that an upgrade?)

We argued about it. A lot.

He had good points to defend his gaming. It provided an outlet for him to de-stress from toddlerville. Agreed. I do the same with this blog. (Only I poke fun at toddlerville. And John. But mostly toddlerville.) It's a way for him to meet up with friends like Richard who live elsewhere and he would never see otherwise. Agreed again. I do the same with this blog too. Our big contention was the time he spent on the game. It was out of control. He was rushing to the console every chance he got to the point that I didn't even have to wonder where he could be. I knew where he was. I didn't have a laptop then so we were battling each other every night for screen time as soon as the kid's head hit the pillow.

We had a la-hong discussion about his gaming ways and the way it was chipping at the fragile family life. He kept going back to the fact that it's his hobby. I understand a hobby, but I also understand the distructive nature of gaming and the effect it has on entire families. (I've read a lot of comments. Believe me, I understand.)

John and I agreed on one big point. The game should NEVER interfere with or supercede time with Sprite. This negotiation was settled very quickly. If John was needed in any way Sprite related, the game was dropped immediately, even if his character was getting the crap kicked out of him at that moment. (He dies all the time anyway. He should be used to it by now.)

Another point we agreed on. Bedtime. Game over at 10PM Eastern. No gimmees, ifs, ands, buts, or butts with tails about it. Sometimes, I do need to throw something at him to remind him of our agreement, but he's pretty good about it most of the time. I haven't had to hone my throwing skills for a couple of weeks now.

We took a long hard look at our evening activities and what we like to do. I like to relax with a good workout on my trusty treadmill and watch tv or read or blog (sometimes all at the same time) before bed. These activities are not John's idea of a good time. Richard reminded me of this in a comment he wrote about my WoW scolding. And I understand it. John does not need to be with me every moment from the time we get home until the time we leave for work. It makes sense that we have some actual ALONE time which does not include each other. Unless I take up knitting in which I need him to hold yarn, he does not need to validate my parking in front of the tv.

Sometimes, we have our date nights and WoW isn't touched at all. I know John misses it on those nights, but he doesn't complain.

But, to make sure John understood that I truly want him to have his hobby and know I support his time alone (NOT the game, but his alone time), he has one night a week when, as soon as Sprite goes to bed, I let him be and he can game all night if he wants to. He savors his Friday nights. In fact, if you think of it in terms of dieting, Friday night is his cheat night and he can gorge all he wants on raids and pillaging and general cyber mayhem until he drops. He is aware though, that any lack of sleep is his own fault and I will be very pissy if he's slacking on the parenting post due to a WoW binge.

I figured that as long as John understood the importance of the game and how unimportant it really is, I could forgive the fact that he plays.

So, that's the way we work it out. We're very happy with the schedule and I've even forgiven the occasional last minute raids he wants to join. I have told him no some times as well when I knew the next day would be very busy and he would be needed.

So, he gets to play. I get to make fun of it sometimes, and Sprite gets Daddy time not out of obligation or the server being down, but out of Daddy's genuine desire to be with his daughter.

There are some out there who have commented elsewhere and on this site about how this game and their partner's gaming has seriously impacted their lives and I feel for them. I hope they can take some of the things John and I have worked through and let it inspire them to try to make it work for them. Hopefully, they can learn to deal with having the game in their lives and work out a schedule or maybe use the laptop this post is on to beat the hardheaded partners over the cranium for better emphasis. (I kid.) (?)

Okay, I'm putting away my torch. I'm stepping off my soapbox. Please refer to the above disclaimer if you seriously are comtemplating beating anyone over the head with a computer (if you can't consider the pain of your partner, consider the uselessness of a dented laptop), and try to play nicely. It's 10:05PM, and I need to work on my aim.

Tomorrow, we're back to our Sprite Ways of Wackiness.

(Editor's Note: This post was written late Monday night. Yesterday, John was laid off. Last night, not one minute was spent on the game and all his time was spent updating his resume and applying for jobs through all the major search engines. Although, it does make me wonder, if WoW paid people to play, would we women be a little more understanding with the excess time spent on the game? "It's okay, honey. I'm in overtime!" )

Labor Lawlessness

John comes up to me while I'm loading the dishwasher. "I just got an email saying there's a raid tonight from 8:30 to 12:30. Is this all right with you?"

The fact that I know he's referring to World of Warcraft makes me a little woozy. "A four hour raid?"

"Yeah, but we have a fifteen minute break from 10:30 until 10:45."

"Seriously? You have scheduled breaks?"

"Yup, for things like snacks and bathroom breaks, you know."

I guess even the gaming world is subject to labor laws.

It shouldn't be too hard to talk John into working overtime and maybe make this game pay me back a little.

It owes me that much.

Hating the game, not the players

(Editor's Note: I read the comments on my WoW post this morning, and while most of the comments are very supportive of my WoW bashing ways, one really stood out. I mean, it was 900 pages long. It had to! So, I'm reprinting it since I believe it needs a response. This commenter and I have had many verbal sparring matches over the years. I respect the hell out of him, so it's okay if I rip into him a little. He won't mind. Honest!)

Alright Jen,   
(For those who do not know me, my humor is cynical which means a lot of screaming and finger pointing but in the end it’s just a rant that I’m having fun with. If this is offensive to someone please understand it is just a joke)

Let me try to explain and defend my friend John.  I know you are a very educated strong willed woman and living with you for several months, I know your personal time is spent doing things that you deem worthy.

I will start with your first paragraph.  Stealing time… What time?  The time you guys are watching TV together like a mindless drone, laughing at the jokes you have heard countless times in other sitcoms, talking about how you like a particular character in this TV drama and rambling about it for hours and hours afterward.  Does the show Friends and Scrubs ring a bell?  Would you call this quality time spent together?

TV, books and crochet are activities hence the word ACTIVE.  What WOW or any other game brings is interactivity. In a book the story is already laid out for you and you are vicariously living someone else’s life.  In a game you are control of the life and making decisions that govern how well this character evolves and competes with others, and god knows John could use some kind of decision making in his life even if it is in a pixilated world.

Would it be any different if he was a mechanic and spent this time in the garage building a motorcycle or hotrod? If he was doing the laundry and re-arranged the towels differently then what you are accustom to would you not complain about his folding skills? If he spent his every waking hour with you, would you not complain that he needs his own life and you need some space? The question you need to think about is before John started playing WOW what was your major complaint about him then?
 
I’ve been married for almost 12 years and alive for 36 and this is what I have noticed from both being married and watching my parents ... People get old, gas prices always go up, heath insurance is a joke, it’s always easy to pick on a world leader when living in a free country and wives will always complain about their husbands.  Truth be told, I said it, the cat is out of the bag. Come one everyone say it with me “Wives will always complain about their husband” Their we have said it, it’s kind of an eye opening isn’t it.

So pick your poison cause in the grand arena there are husbands that cheat on their wives, drink till they drop, neglect there fatherly responsibilities, get in to fist fights at the local pub, get arrested and much much more. If you can’t think of any others, then I suggest you turn on the local news. You live in south Florida, I’m willing to bet that within the 1st 5 min of the news there is a story of someone’s husband, boyfriend, or ex-husband that did something catastrophic.

You should be thanking your husband for picking a hobby that keeps him home in the house, with in ear shot and around in case there is a real problem. You should be thankful he is not out getting into trouble.

Don’t get me wrong, if he is neglecting his child, work, and you front yard grass is 8 inches long or he takes a 5 day vacation from work to sit in front of the computer with a 24 case of coke and a bag of cheetoes gaming away and only getting 2 hours of sleep a day… then yes, congratulations you actually have a real problem.

Let the guy have some fun, life is too short.

P.S. If you are OR thinking about scrubbing the grout out of your neighbor’s house I would suggest seeing a doctor cause your OCD has gotten way out of control and that my friend, is a real problem.

Love you guys miss you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, Richard,

My old roommate, husband to a wonderful woman, father to 3 beautiful children. (So I guess all your time wasn't spent gaming then, huh?) Discounting your political preferences, there's nothing bad I can say about you. About your comment, well, you're right. The fact that John is there if I need him (read paragraph um, somewhere in the middle, about the spider killing) is wonderful. He has never put the game over me or Sprite in many years. (Now, if you want to get into Diablo territory which I thought we buried years ago, you'll have to admit we had a problem.)
I have gotten over my Friends addiction and even stopped Tivo-ing old episodes (I mean, even I get a little tired of the Ross/Rachel cycle), but Scrubs remains a favorite (which you really should watch since Dr. Cox and you are remarkably similar-in a good way!).
My confession is, I have gotten used to having my evenings to myself. I use my treadmill, read, write letters to Sprite, campaign for literacy, the time is pretty much well spent. We've settled into a routine which I am very comfortable with.

I am completely aware of the levels of addiction and what it could be like and I'm very happy to say John is nowhere near that. He understands his priorities and he knows what comes first. (Did that just sound redundant? Yes, yes it did. Should I fix it? Maybe later.)

Oh, and one more thing I actually don't mind about the game. This game gives John a chance to be with his friends, even those who live states away. This game keeps him connected with you (one of our beloved friends) and others who have joined your GUILD. (That was correct wordage, right?)

I cannot fault him that. I cannot fault you. You two are both devoted fathers, husbands, and men. I am proud to have you both in my life. So, I refer to the title of this post when I say it's okay to hate the game, not the players.

I do take exception with one of your comments about controlling your character. Yes, reading a book is passive and you live vicariously through someone else's words while reading. However, controlling your character in a computer game is also passive (well, maybe passive aggressive since you all like to whoop ass on other players) since none of it is happening in real life. (There are also limited choices since everything your character does relies on the server's programming--ooh, that sounded geeky! Anyway, your character can only do certain things.You do not have the ultimate power. You have the power the server allows you to have.) There are people who live their entire lives as meek, understated individuals, afraid to make their own choices and live a reality, so they choose to enclose themselves into a virtual safety blanket of characters and power, none of which is real, and none of which will help them deal with actual society.

That is my problem with the game. While I can read and get into a book, and become engrossed with the characters, the book has a beginning and an end. The book ends, and I am back to reality, and the dishes are still not done, dang-it. With WoW, the game never ends. And I think this is where the addiction happens. Players get caught up in the game and don't know when to put it down since there is no ending. There is not really a way to just get up and say, "You know what? I'm done. I'm calling it a night." Nay, nay. There are more quests to be done, more enemies to slay, more characters to beat the ever-loving crap out of. (Reminds me of clubbing days when you saw the partiers who could not come to terms with calling it a night. They stayed until the owners or homeowners kicked them out.)

Maybe if WoW had time limits, and you were only allowed to get to certain areas within a 24 hour time span, us spouses and significant others would be more accepting of this pastime. (But then we wouldn't be able to complain about it. Life would be without drama. We as wives would have absolutely NOTHING TO NAG ABOUT!!! Scary stuff, that.)

And now, unlike the game, this response must end.

I must get back to the dishes and the laundry and the grout cleaning, and crap, there's that spider again..

With much love and respect, (And a guilt trip-it wouldn't kill you to visit!)

a Wife Aggro