Sprite's Keeper

HASAY: Does this count as a birthday card?

HASAY: Does this still count as a weight loss/healthy living support group? Find out here!

Oh, man. What have I done with the last two years? Where's my resolve? My determination? My unwavering control?

I think I may have eaten it somewhere around the time I got the Pioneer Woman's cookbook.

(Control tastes like chocolate.)

(When you cover it in chocolate.)

Since January was peppered with pain, the treadmill regime didn't rise back to power until February, and even with the regular workouts starting back up, my eating habits triggered by the desire to actually cook more, already attacked by the holidays and comfort food, did not improve, which is basically like a smoker using a seatbelt. It doesn't stop the inevitable.

I've gained three pounds.

In almost two months.

Someone would say it takes an awful lot of mac'n'cheese or Sunday night "Last hurrah before Monday" Blizzards to bring on 3 pounds. Yes, it does. We have the receipts to prove it.

I need to kick the crap out of the house again. I know this. I need to put the brownie down. (Made with applesauce, not butter, but still, the applesauce by itself should be the option picked.)

Hopefully, next month will be better.

Here's irony for you. My child, who believes the sun rises and sets on macaroni and cheese, the boxed stuff, barely touched the homemade (with white cheddar, thank you very much) version, said she didn't like it. Folks, I have been searching for the perfect mac'n'cheese for YEARS. I found it in my own kitchen and the kid doesn't like it! I guess I should wait before trying to make a healthier version of chicken nuggets, huh?

And a big happy birthday to my mother! I don't think this counts as a phone call, but since it's broadcast out to the world, more like a really public Hallmark expression without the cheesy poem! (I promise, I'll call tonight.)

To HASAY or Not To HASAY: I didn't get the memo.

I wasn't sure there would be a HASAY roundup today since today is February 1st (you may now tear your January page off the calendar) (or you may have done so already on Friday if it was your work calendar and you're one of those people who cross out every day as you complete them and the weekends ahead of time) (yeah, me too)  and Casey, our fearless HASAY leader, hasn't sent anything out to let us know there WOULD be a HASAY today. So, due to that and the fact that I'm feeling under the weather*, I'm keeping this one short and sweet. (Your Google Reader never had it so good.)

The month of January had a rough start. I woke up on the first day not being able to stand straight due to my New Year's Eve Stars Seeing Celebration (2 drink minimum and a hefty cover charge) (I'm not even sure "seeing stars" covers it. More like I saw STATIC.) and found it difficult to even climb a set of stairs. I was only told by the attending physician (Ooh, so MD'ish! Maybe this post can double as my entrance essay into Cornell?) that the next three days would be utter hell.

My follow up appointment with my primary doctor six days later didn't really give me much to go on for a ETA on "When will the freaking pain recede to beneath the level of white noise inducing?", but more of a shrug and a nonchalant "it varies".

Two weeks later, my pelvic floor was still feeling the burn when I even looked at my treadmill.

Long story short, (when are my stories ever short?) I finally began my workouts again last Monday. The last week of January. I'm still not quite ready for runs, but my walking periods are lengthening every session so I at least break a sweat.

My STATS: Up 3. (Dude, it's been a month of pain and having to ease the pain with cheddar cheese rice cakes that taste just like Cheetos puffs if you chomp them down quickly enough. And you STILL get to lick your fingers when you're done! What's not to love?) (What do you mean that's no excuse?) (I'd say "bite me", but the way my month went, you should be concerned that I may bite YOU.)

John: Down 5. (The schmuck went on a cruise and actually LOST WEIGHT. Did you even think that was possible? He signed up for the low fat menu before he ever boarded the ship and stayed away from the midnight buffets. And even woke up bright and early to go to the gym most mornings. I think that absolves at least half of his schmucky status, but he still went without me. Schmuck.)

* Where did the saying "under the weather" come from? Why do we even say it? Aren't we always under the weather? At least literally speaking? Or why does the term "cut a rug" mean "dance"? I drove over two hours yesterday and that last saying had me biting my cheek for most of the trip. It was either ponder over silly sayings or listen in on "Up!" for the upteenth time. My options weren't exactly plentiful.

(It's 10PM on Sunday night. Sprite just called out over the monitor for an escort to the potty and as she walked by with John, I looked up to see her spying on my activities in the master bedroom. I bet you ten bucks she'll make a pit stop on the way back for a(nother) good night kiss and linger at the tv to ask "Whatchu watching?")

(I totally win.)

(I'll email you my address for the ten bucks.)

(I accept checks.)

(...Sigh. And this was supposed to be a short post. Sorry.)

HASAY: If you're looking for ways to help a diet, this is NOT worth it.

Happy New Year, HASAY'ers! Click here to help jumpstart your New Years Resolutions!

Click here to congratulate a Dumbass!

WAIT! Do it after I'm done, okay? I promise, it will be short, it will humiliate me, and it will have pictures. Evidence! What more could you want??

So, you all know about my in-depth ER tour from last Thursday, right? No? BACK STORY here. Anyway, while there, lunch hour came and passed while I sat in a bed and writhed in pain. (Seriously. Sprite's visits with John were very infrequent as me clenching teeth in agony was a lot worse to see than me clenching my teeth in frustration prior to handing out time out's.)

Obviously, since the doctors were not sure yet what was wrong with me, until all tests were performed, I wasn't allowed even water to wet my lips, already cracking from the grimacing I was subjecting them to. (Yeah, yeah, the details, the details. New Year's Resolution? Nope, never wrote it, therefore it doesn't count.)

When the cat scan was ordered, the nurse brought in my "lunch" and thunked them down onto the bedside tray with the suggestion, "Shake well before drinking. Trust me on this."

They don't look so tough, do they? I wish I had a size comparison, but imagine two 20 oz Mountain Dews that you have to slug down in quick succession. And make them thick. And warm. And make sure the taste is not even in the same region as the picture suggests. Now add an upset abdomen. Pretty bad, right?

Now add Hoda and Kathie Lee and all their self-congratulating. Excrutiating, right? Right.

But, I did it. Fast too. Got home in time for some Chinese and Fondue to ring in the New Year, even if I did forego the champagne and chablis.

Next morning, I was down 3 pounds. Of course, I was still in pain, but DOWN 3 POUNDS. 

John is not letting go of his numbers and his GUY CRUISE departs this Saturday. 

So, synopsis?

Down 3?

Yay!

Drinking chalkie "smoothies" (Oh, who are they kidding? There's nothing smooth about them!) and skipping a meal while doing backflips off a hospital bed in the best efforts to show how much pain I was in?

 Bad.

(John says I make that face a lot. Not my best moments, or months depending on how often he says...)
 
 

HASAY: The turkey started it. I finished it. *Urp*

HASAY: The name alone says it all. Or if it doesn't, click here.

It's 10 PM on a Sunday night, do you know where your post is? Mine is somewhere on the East Coast of Florida where we spent a majority of our day and even the early evening for our niece's first birthday party before rushing back home in (safe!!!) style to throw the kid into bed and cycle through the laundry and other chores before we fall headfirst into our own bed (hopefully).

The bad news? We had to stop at Wendy's for a quickie dinner that got a dunk in the fryer before it got dunked into the bag.

The good news? I threw a couple of chicken breasts in the oven for some healthy chicken salads this week for John and me.

Another bonus? We left before the cake was cut. (I'm sure it was delicious, but if anyone at the party is reading this, lie to me and tell me it was terrible.)

Ever since I had a taste of this bad boy,

my diet has been on rocky ground. I went up five pounds when I checked the scale the Monday after Thanksgiving! (I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the sodium content and water weight associated with it since we typically don't eat that richly at home. I actually FELT bloated that weekend due to the food, which had John naming it my "gas baby" when I complained of having a brick in my belly. Of course, when some relatives heard anything "baby" in any kind of proximity to me, eyebrows were raised before I explained, "No, 'gas baby'. I just need to be burped." It wasn't that funny when I said it or when I repeated it..)

Thanks to that slap in the gut, (on both levels since I'm sure I looked pregnant thanks to that "gas baby"), I took immediate control of my diet and watched my intake closely throughout Friday, dragging my ass onto the treadmill even when I felt like I would rather do trigonometry. (I even Google'd a few homework worksheets before the sneakers made it onto my feet..)

My stats: The five pounds the turkey handed me are gone. (Hanukkah begins this Friday evening. Will I be so lucky when the latkes start frying?)

John's stats: I have no freaking clue. He's working towards his GUY cruise and keeping his cards close to his chest.

The Holidays have just begun and I'm already on defense.

It's gonna be a long month.'

Week of Thanks: You'll thank me for this.

Welcome to the Week of Thanks! Thanks for coming!

Since the Keeper family has a lot to do in getting ready for the Holidays (capital on the H this year since Sprite now knows who Santa is and was last seen constructing a trap of sorts for the fat man when he comes for her cookies.) I'm reposting some of my tried and true Thankful themed posts. I immediately thought of this one since it was posted the Monday before Thanksgiving last year and, I have to admit, has some pretty funny lines in it. Yes, I actually get a kick out of my own writing. What? You don't go back into your Archives to peak in on some gems and wonder What the hell was I on to come up with THAT play on words? how you thought of such genius?

So, being that we're still 2 weeks out from the next HASAY update, I thought I definitely me Get that scale away from me! This weekend was difficult.. some of us could use some helpful reminders when we face off against the buffet table.

HASAY Week 6: Tips for the Turkey (I come bearing lists) - Originally Published November 24, 2008

Don't know what HASAY is? Click here. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Accessories sold separately.

Okay, people. This week begins the actual "Holiday Season", or in mostly everyone's case, the "Holiday Glutton". Parties usually begin around Thanksgiving and don't serve "Last Call" until after the New Year. Food is spread out for the taking and the only thing they ask in return is a pound of flesh. Or two. Or- um, put down the eggnog, please.

Diets are tested, insulin levels are challenged, the effects of tryptophan, you know, triple. Cookies and candies and cakes become a common sight everywhere from the office to your doctor's office to the post office to your home to your fridge...and dude, it's 3 in the morning. Show some restraint!

It's tough out there. Sweaters, meant for hiding your skin from the cold, serve double duty to hide the extra skin that came a caroling as well.

Where does HASAY fit in all this? (Heh heh, get it? FIT?) (What?)

I've had a couple of temptations lately, the next one being Tuesday for our office's Thanksgiving brunch (Oh yeah, can someone remind me? I'm supposed to bring my griddle tomorrow to make pancakes. Not me making the pancakes. They're using the griddle, not me. I mean, we all know what I'm capable of, right?) and then of course, Thanksgiving itself.

I'm pretty good about staying away from the bad things and keeping my cheating down to a "treating" once a week. I usually reserve these treats for Saturdays when I'm not stressed with work, I don't have to exercise, and I can enjoy myself. The rest of the week? Get your bread the hell away from me.

Of course, this week, my treat will be used for Thursday since I have not one, but two Thanksgiving dinners to attend. (More about that on Thursday.) So, John and I have talked about it and came up with our tried and true methods for indulging in the sweet and savory holiday goodies. Here they are, some you've heard before, but hey, they work!

1. Eat a small meal before going to parties. It DOES help you think twice about visiting the buffet table and keeps the nibbling to a mininum.

2. If the meal will be at the party, grab the smallest plate you can find (like the kid's cabinet? So what if Scooby Doo is staring up at you? It's still less room for Scooby Snacks!) and only use that plate for your food. The smaller the plate, the smaller the serving, the bigger the space between your belt and gut.

3. Bogart the protein and fill up on that. Trying to ration so everyone gets some turkey? Screw that! This is your waist on the line! (Get it? Waist-... Never mind.) They'll understand. After the New Year. After they've started talking to you again. Oh yeah, and the entire white meat/dark meat thing? Busted. (It's true. I heard it on the John Tesh Radio Show. Has anyone listened to it? Does it sound like he's barking his words sometimes or is it just me?)

4. Limit the alchohol. Sure, the mojitos are kick ass, but empty calories as well. They add up. Plus, when someone (always) breaks out the Trivial Pursuit game, you want to be able to recall those empty facts a bit quicker than everyone else. Being smarter than a bunch of drunk people is awesome. (I would say awesomesauce, but sauce is fattening.)

5. Indulge. Huh? What the hell kind of food limitation list is this? I said "indulge". Go to the dessert table. Pick out the one sweet you're looking forward to most and save your "points" for that. This means, you need to be good during dinner and only have a small piece. But you still get your cake! And the feeling of heaven when you swallow that bite of forbidden bliss.

6. Not a sweets person? Neither is John, really. So, he recommends limiting your servings of the side dishes which he counts as one of his vices. Mashed potatoes? Keep it down to one scoop. Small scoop. In fact, if the hosting couple has a little girl who has an Easy Bake oven or fake food utensils, use HER scoop. That way, you have some potatoes, the fake scoop has an actual use in life, and the contamination you may have picked up from the Chinese made scoop which was probably recalled YEARS ago will only burn more calories when you're fighting off a new unknown strand of Avian flu. (Best. Diet. Ever.) (Quick! What movie is that from?)

7. Stay away from the butter! What is so wrong with naked potatoes? And broccoli? They DO have a taste, you've just been jaded by the constant use of the cow's culinary curse that you don't know a floret from a floor tile anymore. If you don't like the taste naked, then why are you eating it? (Hm?) (This also applies to the ranch dressing you drown your carrot sticks in.)

8. Drink lots of water. In fact, John says to drink two glasses of water before the food comes out. This will help fill you up a little, keep the food shoveling at bay, and lessen the chances of asking for another go round with the green bean casserole. (The fried onions fight dirty too. And give you gas. Come on, how many times can you blame it on the dog anyway? Worse, what if they don't have a dog? Blaming it on old Aunt Mildred is just evil and Santa will remember that.)

9. Exercise that day. You pretty much know your resistance is low. The force is strong with the brownie. Use the fork, Luke. So, kick your own butt hours before, take a shower, because your goal is to make conversation with family, not start family traditions over who has to invite "the smelly one" next year, and go to that party with your fork held high, knowing that the calories you burned will at least be a wash. And you can wear the same nice slimning outfit next month to the holiday party! (Washed, of course.)

10. Bring mints. It's proven somewhere, not here, that when you've just brushed your teeth or had a mint, you're less likely to eat. Something about the subliminal hint that you just cleaned your teeth, therefore the kitchen is closed. Or maybe it's about the nasty aftertaste mints give everything you eat. (Except coffee. Ever had a drink of coffee after chewing up a mint? Oh, yeah...)

So there you go. A list. You don't have to use all the tips. You've probably seen these tips plastered all over the women's magazines anyway. But, remember! When you're about to bite into a flaky piece of apple pie covered in whipped cream and caramel sauce, think about what you're eating. Think about your clothes and how you really don't want to have to work it off come January. Or just think about the children. Won't someone think of the children?

Got some tips of your own? Don't be a scrooge! Share here!

Now, if you'll excuse me, someone just placed a bowl of M&M's near my desk and I need to go shove this list down their throat share my tips with them for holiday nibbling.

Don't know what HASAY is? Click here. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Accessories sold separately.

Okay, people. This week begins the actual "Holiday Season", or in mostly everyone's case, the "Holiday Glutton". Parties usually begin around Thanksgiving and don't serve "Last Call" until after the New Year. Food is spread out for the taking and the only thing they ask in return is a pound of flesh. Or two. Or- um, put down the eggnog, please.

Diets are tested, insulin levels are challenged, the effects of tryptophan, you know, triple. Cookies and candies and cakes become a common sight everywhere from the office to your doctor's office to the post office to your home to your fridge...and dude, it's 3 in the morning. Show some restraint!

It's tough out there. Sweaters, meant for hiding your skin from the cold, serve double duty to hide the extra skin that came a caroling as well.

Where does HASAY fit in all this? (Heh heh, get it? FIT?) (What?)

I've had a couple of temptations lately, the next one being Tuesday for our office's Thanksgiving brunch (Oh yeah, can someone remind me? I'm supposed to bring my griddle tomorrow to make pancakes. Not me making the pancakes. They're using the griddle, not me. I mean, we all know what I'm capable of, right?) and then of course, Thanksgiving itself.

I'm pretty good about staying away from the bad things and keeping my cheating down to a "treating" once a week. I usually reserve these treats for Saturdays when I'm not stressed with work, I don't have to exercise, and I can enjoy myself. The rest of the week? Get your bread the hell away from me.

Of course, this week, my treat will be used for Thursday since I have not one, but two Thanksgiving dinners to attend. (More about that on Thursday.) So, John and I have talked about it and came up with our tried and true methods for indulging in the sweet and savory holiday goodies. Here they are, some you've heard before, but hey, they work!

1. Eat a small meal before going to parties. It DOES help you think twice about visiting the buffet table and keeps the nibbling to a mininum.

2. If the meal will be at the party, grab the smallest plate you can find (like the kid's cabinet? So what if Scooby Doo is staring up at you? It's still less room for Scooby Snacks!) and only use that plate for your food. The smaller the plate, the smaller the serving, the bigger the space between your belt and gut.

3. Bogart the protein and fill up on that. Trying to ration so everyone gets some turkey? Screw that! This is your waist on the line! (Get it? Waist-... Never mind.) They'll understand. After the New Year. After they've started talking to you again. Oh yeah, and the entire white meat/dark meat thing? Busted. (It's true. I heard it on the John Tesh Radio Show. Has anyone listened to it? Does it sound like he's barking his words sometimes or is it just me?)

4. Limit the alchohol. Sure, the mojitos are kick ass, but empty calories as well. They add up. Plus, when someone (always) breaks out the Trivial Pursuit game, you want to be able to recall those empty facts a bit quicker than everyone else. Being smarter than a bunch of drunk people is awesome. (I would say awesomesauce, but sauce is fattening.)

5. Indulge. Huh? What the hell kind of food limitation list is this? I said "indulge". Go to the dessert table. Pick out the one sweet you're looking forward to most and save your "points" for that. This means, you need to be good during dinner and only have a small piece. But you still get your cake! And the feeling of heaven when you swallow that bite of forbidden bliss.

6. Not a sweets person? Neither is John, really. So, he recommends limiting your servings of the side dishes which he counts as one of his vices. Mashed potatoes? Keep it down to one scoop. Small scoop. In fact, if the hosting couple has a little girl who has an Easy Bake oven or fake food utensils, use HER scoop. That way, you have some potatoes, the fake scoop has an actual use in life, and the contamination you may have picked up from the Chinese made scoop which was probably recalled YEARS ago will only burn more calories when you're fighting off a new unknown strand of Avian flu. (Best. Diet. Ever.) (Quick! What movie is that from?)

7. Stay away from the butter! What is so wrong with naked potatoes? And broccoli? They DO have a taste, you've just been jaded by the constant use of the cow's culinary curse that you don't know a floret from a floor tile anymore. If you don't like the taste naked, then why are you eating it? (Hm?) (This also applies to the ranch dressing you drown your carrot sticks in.)

8. Drink lots of water. In fact, John says to drink two glasses of water before the food comes out. This will help fill you up a little, keep the food shoveling at bay, and lessen the chances of asking for another go round with the green bean casserole. (The fried onions fight dirty too. And give you gas. Come on, how many times can you blame it on the dog anyway? Worse, what if they don't have a dog? Blaming it on old Aunt Mildred is just evil and Santa will remember that.)

9. Exercise that day. You pretty much know your resistance is low. The force is strong with the brownie. Use the fork, Luke. So, kick your own butt hours before, take a shower, because your goal is to make conversation with family, not start family traditions over who has to invite "the smelly one" next year, and go to that party with your fork held high, knowing that the calories you burned will at least be a wash. And you can wear the same nice slimning outfit next month to the holiday party! (Washed, of course.)

10. Bring mints. It's proven somewhere, not here, that when you've just brushed your teeth or had a mint, you're less likely to eat. Something about the subliminal hint that you just cleaned your teeth, therefore the kitchen is closed. Or maybe it's about the nasty aftertaste mints give everything you eat. (Except coffee. Ever had a drink of coffee after chewing up a mint? Oh, yeah...)

So there you go. A list. You don't have to use all the tips. You've probably seen these tips plastered all over the women's magazines anyway. But, remember! When you're about to bite into a flaky piece of apple pie covered in whipped cream and caramel sauce, think about what you're eating. Think about your clothes and how you really don't want to have to work it off come January. Or just think about the children. Won't someone think of the children?

Got some tips of your own? Don't be a scrooge! Share here!

Now, if you'll excuse me, someone just placed a bowl of M&M's near my desk and I need to go shove this list down their throat share my tips with them for holiday nibbling.

HASAY: There's a Bugg in my bed. And maybe a nod to Halloween. Just because.

HASAY: What we lack in weight loss, we gain in moral support. (Hm, that may not attract new members... Casey, maybe it's best not to use this motto.)

Do you watch The Biggest Loser? Do you pay attention to the contestants? Do you roll your eyes when they sneak a plug for chewing gum or a water filter or freezer bags into the show? Alright, I'm getting off track here (When am I ever on track?), but I wonder just how much people notice when they watch. 

If you look closely at all the contestants throughout the show's season, you'll notice those black bands around their biceps or calves as they undergo their "LAST CHANCE WORKOUT!!!" or any time they're exercising. Those bands are called Body Buggs. 

John looked deeper into the mystery of the Body Bugg and found out that this contraption actually tracks your physical activity and calories burned throughout the day. You can then take that data and work out exactly what you're doing and then, after inputting your food intake for the day, it will predict (pretty accurately) how much you should have lost. (Helpful hint, don't hit up the Golden Corral when trying to diet. Am I the only one who refers to that chain as the Golden Cholesterol?)

He bought himself a Bugg on Ebay and it has amped up his interest in losing weight and staying active. He wears it all the time and even to bed, since you can actually burn calories in bed, you know. (Well, there's THAT way and just burning the REM, you people with your one track minds.) In the last month since buying the Bugg, he has lost 10 pounds.

Let's not talk about me. I've back down the four I put on over the summer, but can't seem to work up the energy to do more than say "I really need to hit the treadmill" so again, let's not talk about me.

Halloween pictures! Or more appropriately, how to be a Princess:

 

First, you need to get into character. A Princess does not look nervous.

 

Nor does she stick out her tongue..

 

When trick or treating, you must hold your own pumpkin. Pawning your heavy load off on the nearest adult will immediately cost you one pack of M&M's. And a Milky Way. Maybe a Twix. Definitely a Whopper.

 

If you should run into another Princess who is wearing the same outfit, greet her with enthusiasm. But not TOO much enthusiasm that she starts to protect her own stash of candy.

 

When you are done with your royal duties, it is important to keep your smile regal. Melting into a puddle in the middle of the street only costs you more M&M's. And Reese's. Skittles too..

HASAY: "I wanna quit the gym!"

HASAY: A cult of losers. (The good kind!) (And no monthly fees!)

I have quit the gym.  It has cost me in terms of weight loss (I'm up 4) and energy management (my three o'clock's and seven o'clock's take everything I have to keep my eyes open during the week), but the decision is a good one.

And I have my reasons! (Numbered since I like to have everything in it's own little category. Helps me argue the point better, no?)

1. The schedule didn't work for me anymore. Someone told me you can always tell that a gym is facing financial trouble when they start cutting the classes. Right after I got back from BlogHer, the gym changed the class schedules, first "temporarily" cancelling all Saturday morning classes. (There went my Spin class.) Then they started playing with the weekly plan, wiping out all the 7:30 PM classes. (And the other three routines I looked forward to just chased after my Spin class.) Those late evening classes were the ONLY times I had available due to John's schedule and Sprite and the big decider in why I joined in the first place.  All of a sudden, I couldn't attend any classes for the entire month of August! Sure, I could have visited the main area and played with some of the machines, but I hadn't joined to target certain muscle groups, I had joined to liven up my cardio outlets. So, essentially, I was paying for an entire month. For nothing. 

2. They shut down the building which houses the classes for a week "for renovations." People couldn't take the classes. Trainers couldn't teach the classes. When we came back after renovations, we couldn't find any changes to be noticed. When they said they would be doing it again in November during Thanksgiving Week, I saw the light. They're not changing anything. They're just saving the money that they would be spending on trainers for the week.

3. Money, money, money. Oh, yeah, money. Thirty dollars a month going towards the gym when it could be going somewhere more useful like a bill. I have my trusty Nord and a stepper, and if John ever decides to fix it, my bike available to me. If I want to switch it up, I need to do it in a way that doesn't involve my car. Or money. (Mostly the money.)

4. The Biggest Loser is back on! If that show isn't motivation enough to keep me on track, then I should just start saving for the liposuction. Now, if they could just lighten up on the product plugs, I would stop throwing things at the television..

Yes, I did disclose at the beginning of this post that I have in fact gained four pounds since August, although that uppage in the poundage is purely due to my downage in the Nordage and not giving up my cheatage dayage. So, I actually think I got off kind of lucky, huh?

So, here's my promise to HASAY and Casey:

 

Hi, Casey!

I promise to maintain a stricter schedule of the Nord and lose those 4 pounds again. Or at least not gain any weight during the holidays. (And we ALL know that's a lot harder to stick to.)

John? Still even. He is looking to change his routine up a little as well, which includes getting a little more strict with my diet, so hopefully the number will go up. Since it's going down. You understood that, right?

HASAY is on VACAY

HASAY: Check it. Don't wreck it.

Don't worry. My mommy and daddy are not cheating. This one is all mine.

No, you may not have some. I'm just looking out for you.

You're welcome.

Oh, yeah. Happy Labor Day!

HASAY: Sometimes, being bad can be good.

HASAY: Every Monday first Monday of the month should be this much fun..

Can you believe it's been a month since we last did a HASAY update? What's been happening in my gym? Have I been good? Has my exercise suffered without the focus? Are you really that concerned?

Please. Contain your excitement. You're going to break something. (You know, if you yawn too wide. Your jaw is vulnerable there..)

Okay, gym routine is meh. The Zumba class is irritating me even more now than when I first entered. In fact, two weeks ago, I was in the back of the class, a very packed class by the way, just concentrating on keeping up with the paces when the instructor started yelling out in Spanish. I quickly glanced in her direction, noticed that she was gesturing to the mirror, her focus on my area, but didn't think she was looking right at me, and everyone kept moving, so I kept moving. Then, she bounded off the raised platform at the front of the room and trounced back to stand in front of me and tell me what I was doing wrong. In Spanish. With hand gestures.
"I don't speak Spanish," I managed, trying to catch my breath.
"What I said is you are not doing it right and making everyone in your line do it the same as you. So don't do it."
"Don't do what?" I asked, getting a little huffy. And puffy. (Remember? Out of breath?)
"Don't do it WRONG." Her eyes flashed and she swung her head around and sauntered back to the platform.
Luckily, the monthly schedule is changing things up and Spin will now be taking Zumba's place. This is better for me since the Spin instructor can't yell so much when she's working as hard as we are.
And she speaks English.

On the diet side of the scale, I've been sticking to the same old thing. I keep my cheat day on Saturday and beat myself down into submission the rest of the week. This kind of routine just works for me.

As for the scale side of the scale, sigh. I can see that I am adding definition to my shoulders and biceps and my hips seem thinner when I stand naked in front of the mirror with my red pen and judgmental eye, but the numbers, they do not move.

Until...

I went to Chicago. Yup. I did not pay attention to my diet whatsoever.. I didn't even have time to exercise, I was on the move constantly from early morning until well after midnight EVERY NIGHT. And the food? I tried everything I could get my hands on. I mean, come on! I'm in the Windy City for the first time! Why NOT? It's not like I would re-gain all the weight I lost in a matter of 4 days. I went with the knowledge that I would probably gain about five pounds from this trip. (That would be a souvenir that stuck around, huh?)

When I got back on Sunday, we went out for dinner and I wolfed down (baying at the moon may have been involved) a hamburger WITH fries. (Gotta make sure those five pounds count.)

I stepped on the scale Monday morning midmorning noonish? Fine! I woke up at 2 PM! But I was tired! The trip had sucked all my energy!

I lost five pounds. In four days. Being bad did me some good. Of course, I went right back to my old ways as soon as I woke up on Monday, but it was kind of like I Christmas Tree'd a final that I hadn't studied for and completely aced it.

(Yes, I know what really happened. I was on the move all the time which is most likely what made me lose the weight, but I'm not a bad girl by trade so let me have this little lie, thanks.)

John: Dead even. (You see, his mom was in town to help with Sprite while I played in Chi-Town and may have made her way around my kitchen, feeding John the very soul foods he had loved as a child.) (And I may have tried a few spoonfuls of the leftovers on Sunday evening. Ingrid? Please come back for another long weekend soon. WHEN I'M HERE. Yum!)

HASAY: A New Month, A New Day, A New Way

HASAY: Warning, clicking this link may cause uncontrollable exercising. Please consult a doctor before clicking the link. That was the disclaimer.

July already? What the hell, June? Did we say something to piss you off?

So, Casey, the Holy HASAY'er, has decreed that HASAY postings will be reduced from every Monday to the first Monday of the month. This means my penchant for following rules to the letter will now be tested since the months like to sneak in before I can protest prepare for them.

I have been a regular at the gym for three weeks now and the instructors are even starting to recognize me. The Boot Camp drill sargeant even complimented me on my stepping (which I personally thought was lacking. When it comes to step anything, I usually take it slow so it doesn't take me down.) and then proceeded to get in my face, trying to screw up my concentration. He also demanded perfection on this exercise called side planks. Ever do side planks? You're supposed to lie on your side, raise your upper body up to lean on your arm and then bring the rest of your body up into a straight line or a plank. Guess what? It's almost physically impossible. And he wanted two minutes! A good three or four times! Yeah, I know. Crazy. I told him so too. (Muttering under your breath totally counts. As long as he's still in the room, it does.)

The Zumba class is beginning to get on my nerves for a couple of reasons. First of all, I am the only English speaker in the class. Everyone else is Spanish. Normally, this isn't a complaint for me since I need all the practice I can get to impress my in-laws, but when the instructions for the dance moves are being shouted en espanol, No, better! SLANG, I'm screwed. "Qierda!" "Recha!" Wha? I have to watch the instructor's feet closely to make sure I can keep up, but she's so busy playing up to her mirror image, I honestly thought the class was being Punked the first time I participated in the class. For her cool down, she played Beyonce's "To the Left" song and spent the entire song prancing like an MTV scout was considering her for Ms. Jay-Z's next world tour. I have to control the laugh reflex, which is right above Gag. Also, there is an older woman who also participates in every Monday session and even though I get there before she does and stake out my spot in the back of the room. she must take her place right beside me, no matter how empty the class is. Normally, I would be flattered and a little confused by this, but she has personal space issues in a class where we are constantly on the move. Every time I turn around, she's stealing the air I was going to use for my next breath. So, I started moving around throughout the class, going up one row, turning back. And it goes swimmingly for a few moves until I trip over a sneaker. "Oh, hi! You again!"
"Como?"
Did I mention I'm the only English speaker?

I'm enjoying the Spin class the most. The seat still tries to get fresh with me even though it knows I'm married, but I'm learning to mostly ignore it and focus my hatred instead on the instructor who doesn't seem to sweat no matter how many hills we approach. And perky? Honey, the rest of the class just shoved about a thousand calories out of their pores. Can you at least look a little winded?

Here's the good news. While the scale doesn't seem to acknowledge all my hard work (yet took the fiver I left for it without question), my clothes are fitting a little looser and I feel more toned all round.

STATS: John: Down 3. Up 1. Damn holiday weekends.
            Me: Even. Whatver, scale. My slacks are loose in the bum. Don't kill my buzz.

Next Monday's topic: No HASAY, what the hell am I going to write about?