Increments of Five, Part The Third

Didn't think I would update on the cruise, did you? I wondered myself..

Part I here. Part II here. Part IV somewhere between my cerebellum and cortex..

(There's also the fact that John hasn't really edited most of the pictures we took aboard the ship, so... yeah...)

Life has been busy, crazy, some more busy, with a side of crash courses on dealing with a five year old. Did you know that five year olds not only have the same Selective Hearing Disorders that four year olds do, but they also stall on EVERYTHING because they want you to yell at them? It must be true. Sprite is already showing proficiency in her lessons. We may need to advance her to the gifted program, or at least dual classes in Teenager 101.

*******

I think any family going on vacation together will always come down with a unanimous, if temporary, case of Bipolar Disorder. One is not happy because things are not going according to plan. The other one is very excited about the upcoming adventure and is trying to get the child excited, sees that the other parent isn't radiating as much excitement as they are, therefore that other parent must need some encouragement in the form of !exclamation points!.

"Look at the ship! Do you see the ship, Sprite?! Wow! How cool! Look there's the Aqua Duck! Excitement! Needs! Proper! Punctuation! Mommy! Do YOU see the ship?!"

"Where's the line for new passengers? I only see returning...(fumbles with passports, tickets, print outs, references of five living relatives) We have everything, right?"

"You've already checked everything twice. Just get in line. If it's the wrong line, they'll show us the right one. But look at the ship! Aren't you EXCITED??"

"I'll be more excited once they let us on. You locked the car, right?"

"You're on VACATION."

"The burglars aren't."

".... You need a drink."

And, of course, the fact that the one party pooper refuses to flush her mood, this will usually cause the other one who was so bent on buying stock in CAPS LOCK JOY to get angry.

We were definitely not the only family with our moods not seeing eye to eye. As we waited in what was actually the right line, among thousands of other people who were going to be our very best friends for the next five days, I observed other groups of people, usually helmed by two adults, one psyching the kids up into a lathered frenzy by promising, hand to heart, that Donald Duck offered personal tuck in service, (he doesn't) and the other counting bags (2 non-checked per person, God bless those families with five kids) and blessings while trying to remember that a cruise is supposed to be a fun experience.

Numbers were called, kids were screamed at, as the din of the crowd seemed to knock out any hearing altogether, Daisy showed up for a surprise photo call, causing everyone to lose their shit since this would be the ONE TIME (no it wouldn't) to get a picture with Ms. Duck before vacation really started.

Sprite had seen Daisy plenty of times before, and with a whispered promise that Daisy would in fact make an appearance during the cruise, she complied peacefully as we bypassed the horde of camera yielding passengers ("Whaddya mean, you checked the camera bag? What if something great happens before they bring the bags to the room, you MORON?") (True story. I only hope her husband had started drinking BEFORE they made it to the terminal.) and joined the other clusterfuck (Really. It's the only way to describe it.) on the boarding ramp, waiting for yet another picture, before making it to the cruise ship itself.

Sprite, typically shy in large groups, had opened another present we hadn't intended to give her for her birthday, courage. The kid was climbing EVERYTHING. It helped her to see that other underagers were also scaling the many juts of the temporary hall as she picked a step, any step, "Get off my foot, please", and proceeded to jump from it as if it was the newest and best attraction ever.

John and I, weighed down by our two bags each, and Sprite's two bags, shuffled up, trying to find a common ground for our personalities to mesh better on this whole "yes, we can be responsible and still have fun!" experience, complete with the exclamation points.

 Here's a fun fact about cruise ships. Never judge how the rest of the vacation is going to go based on the first five hours. Why? Well, first, there's the Bi-Polar diagnosis I've already referenced above, that does continue until everyone can get into their cabins and unload their crap and THEN hand themselves over to the Captain's control, and by Captain I mean Captain Morgan. (This is why the drinks are handed out immediately. Seriously. As soon as you reach the open decks, with or without bags, there is a man wielding frozen drinks on a tray, ready to break in your room key's charging capabilities.) Then there's the resulting weaving and wobbling of these passengers, under the belief that in order to enjoy a cruise, you MUST drink. Couple this with no eating since the pool must come first and you have a 3 PM nightmare of Mommy passing out in the deck chair while Daddy is counting the kids' heads and coming up one short. (Of course, the vice versa is also possible.) By the way? The ship hasn't even left port yet.

On this particular ship, we were made aware before we ever boarded that the cabins would not be available to the guests until 1:30PM. It was only Noon and the ship was filling up fast, kids running around already suited up for the slide and half slathered in suncreen while Dad (or Mom) ran after them with the same look of "I'm on vacation!" on their faces and the other parent trudged behind them, loaded down with the group sized appropriate bags x 2.

Sprite, seeing everyone in a mixed state of undress, wanted to join the parade, but John and I decided to go the smart route. Find an open restaurant on the lower decks since everyone seemed to feel the need the venture upward toward that buffet shrimp display before it was gone (and replaced by another shrimp mountain heartbeats later), and drop our stuff into a corner.

That turned out to be the best idea ever, since we were able to get some food into Sprite's belly and I was able to finally start relaxing, knowing I could keep at least half an eye on our things, but not actually have to hold them.

 And here I have to let you go. We're over a thousand words in and they haven't even gotten to the safety drill yet. Which shows:

1. I'm wordy.
2. You know this.
3. I'm forgiving as I know you have other things to do today.

Next time, I promise there will be pictures, even if I have to forage through the unedited folders myself..

Comments

[Kate]

Oooh...first comment. I think that makes me famous. This makes me not want to go on a cruise EVER! That's about all that I'm anxious about. Maybe someday I'll be so rich, I can rent out the whole cruise ship. Ha! Like that would ever happen!

[Jan]

Jeez, don't let Beloved read this - after hearing about pirates (real ones, not the Disney version) and cruise liners that sink off the coast of Italy, this may be the final nail in the "Jan Never Gets To Go On A Cruise, Ever" coffin.

Seriously, though, I know it gets better. I'll just join you in the "going through vast amounts of photos that need to be edited NOW" activities in the meantime.

[VandyJ]

Nick and my "cruise" experience was somewhat different, but also eerily similar. Ours was just a day cruise, but we still felt like cattle shuffling along where they told us to go. Things got better after the boat left the dock.

[Sarah at 32Flavors]

I am scared of cruises. I don't love boats, and am afraid I will not like it, yet be STUCK ON THE BOAT. But all the other parts of it sound so nice. So I may be more of an "all inclusive resort" type person.

Hang in there on the iPhone! It can take quite a while to get used to, but then it's fantastic.

[Gretchen]

Hmm. I have to say, that I agree that this is making me rethink the whole "I want to go ona a cruise" thing. Yikes.

[Michele]

Yep, reaffirms our belief that cruises are a 4 day long eating and drinking fest. Not really our type of vacation. We are more the road trip kind of people.

[kaylen]

Wow...this was VERY informative.
I know I hate crowds, I hate children running wild, and I hate fighting couples - so other than the booze, this cruise idea sounds like a bad idea for my sanity.

[Stacy Uncorked]

This is exactly why the hubby will not go on a cruise - that, and the cruise I did talk him into that turned into a nightmare, then add to that the sinking of that cruise-liner off Italy... I'm hoping to talk him into at least ONE more cruise before it has to be the twilight cruise...heh! But I'm willing to compromise and go to our favorite all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean, since you don't have to be on water (no chance of sinking) and you don't have to pay for drinks. :)

Looking forward to the rest of the story! :)

[Captain Dumbass]

I think Captain Morgan should have been walking the line with Daisy.