Eye Spy

"Mommy, you want to play I Spy?"

Ugh, no. Really, with all the power in my pinky finger, hell to the no.

But we're stuck in traffic. We've already discussed her school day. I now know that Trey is in trouble. AGAIN. And I remind her once more not to play with Megan because Megan is evil will usually get Sprite into trouble. And she's already said hello to Daisy and Maisy, two of the fifty cows that continually graze in the field right beside the congestion.

Please don't ask me how she knows which one is Daisy and which one is Maisy. (Although once in a while, another cow named Justin Beiber will be called to. As long as that's where the familiarity stays, I'm good with it.) They're interchangable.

Is there anything else I can think of to put off this hated game until we reach home and it's too late to play?

"How about we sing songs?"

"No."

"I'll even let you sing 'Love you like a Love Song'." I'm really desperate. Traffic is still not moving.

"No. We'll play I Spy."

Nononononono..... "Okay, whenever you're ready." Damn it.

"I spy with my little eye, something....."

With the red lights in front of me confirming the standstill, I look to the rearview mirror to watch her eyes progress around the interior of the van, to the floor which has been recently cleaned and is now devoid of the orange crumbs left from an errant stepped on bunny snack, the same orange crumbs which had stumped me a week earlier for TEN MINUTES, which in rush hour, easily translates to hours, years if you have more than one child playing. She now looks to the center console, but clearly rejects the brown lid of my reusable coffee cup since she tormented me with that one yesterday. Then her eyes flick outside to the scenery then back to the interior, and she smiles. She's found her object.

Am I cheating?

Do I care?

"....brown."

"My coffee cup lid."

"No."

Red lights still glowing. I scan the front seat. "The strap on my purse."

"No."

"My hair."

"No."

"YOUR hair."

"No."

"Your eyes?"

"No."

Oh, this could take forever. I quickly peruse the front seat, the back seat behind me. Nothing else is brown. "Is it inside the car?"

"No."

Okay, then outside. "That car, the telephone pole. That construction worker's boots."

"No. no, no."

This game gives me a headache EVERY TIME. And I remember how this game probably gave my mother headaches since I would pick the hardest objects every single time, trying to trip her up on things like the slender tan piping gracing the purse of the lady 3 people up in line at the store.

This is payback in every sense of the word.

"I give up, Sprite. What's brown?"

"Maisy!"

Of course. The always color changing when appropriate to the moment cow.

The light turns green. For heaven's sake, people, use your gas pedals and MOVE!

"Oh, that was tricky. Okay, I guess it's my turn now."

"No, it's still my turn."

"That's not the way you play."

"Yes, but Mommy, you really need help learning the game. And I will teach you, because I know everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes, because I'm a big girl."

I bite my tongue because biting the steering wheel will surely end in me losing a tooth.

Comments

[Dawn]

Bwah hahaha! Okay I shouldn't laugh because my daughter wants to dissect the motives of every. single. character. in The Lion King every day on the way home. 5 year olds are great, aren't they.

[Jan]

Well, at least she doesn't think you're the stupidest person alive.

Yet.

(Sorry. I couldn't help myself.)

How now, brown cow?

[Jan]

I just thought about what I commented, and it sounds terrible. You are NOT the stupidest person alive (she just may think so when she's older, but that's because she'll be 14).

Mmmm...tasty toes.

[Michele]

Hahahaha! I remember that game and am now glad that I no longer have to play it. At least, until the next time I come to Florida that is.

[MamaBadger]

Ugh, that might kill me. My latest trick is to put their CD in right before I get out to pick them up and turn it up so that the minute we're in the car, the song is too loud to hear. Because I'm tired of conversations that start, "Mama, Mama, Mama!" and then proceed to go nowhere.

[Alaina]

Ha, too funny! Oh the things I have to look forward to...

[Sprite's Keeper]

Jan, I completely understand and in her own way, she's already told where I stand in her version of intelligence. After all, she knows everything, does she not? ;-)
And Michele, I'm going to consider that a threat. Ha!

[Jenni]

Is it any solace knowing someday her daughter will do the same thing to her?

[VandyJ]

I think at this point I'm between games of I spy. Turbo has mostly outgrown it and Bruiser isn't old enough to play it.
Thank goodness we live in a small town and traffic is not an issue. Nick usually played I spy with Turbo when the need arose anyway.

[CaJoh]

My nephew and I were playing (of course he was 10 at the time) and we were thinking of things that were not visible (molecules, air, heat, etc.) made my wife a little angry since we elevated the game to be more intellectual than her taste.

Currently my grandson loves to play "As many questions" (he can't just limit it to 20). With some of the things he thinks up with, I'm glad that we have unlimited questions.

[Mrsbear]

Oh, that game. It's not my favorite.

And if she thinks she knows everything now...you are in so much trouble.

There should be a support group, that's all I'm saying.

[Stacy Uncorked]

AHAHAHAHA! I remember those days (you know, as if it's been *that* long ago) playing that while waiting for the bus and me mentally willing the bus to hurry up and arrive. ;)

[Kendra]

Every time I read a story about Sprite I think you are a fly on our wall and really telling our life story. I understand your pain.

[Ginny Marie]

I am laughing out loud for reals! The same "I Spy" happens in our car. Only my husband guesses "a fish" each and every time. And sometimes we play at night. In the dark. Now that's challenging. ;)

[Kim]

That driving in the car with small chldren thing is not my favorite.

It's always funny when you tell the story(or write the blog post), but at the time..not so much.

[Janie]

Busted. You are SOOO busted.

She so has your number! Too funny!

[Peg]

Oh how I remember those days and those games. At least now for road trips you have DVD players and such. Back when we did road trips we only had our imagination and mine was broken 50% of the time!