We thoroughly enjoyed our annual Labor Day vacation in Disney World, but while basking in the relative anonymity of being tourists #43456-43458, John, Sprite, and I noticed some new attractions that have never been promoted before, although we don't know why they haven't for they made our vacation that much more memorable:
"To Be A Brat or Not To Be A Brat" (also the adult version of "To Be A Bitch/Asshole or Not To Be a Bitch/Asshole") - continuous show times, various locations throughout Walt Disney World- Sprite seemed to be the only one with the guide map to this attraction for whenever there was a family squabble going on within earshot of our little eavesdropper, she immediately joined the queue to watch the high-larity of these street performers, most of them very well trained for they didn't even notice their audience as they provided the back story of why they were yelling at each other and wishing on each other varying options of death. Some of these performers even made their act mobile as they tried to navigate/ fight each other over who actually knew where to find Mickey's Philharmonic. And the best part of the show? It was right behind them! Disney does it all, I tell you!
"It's a Great Big Beautiful Parking Lot"- ongoing attraction/ walking tour, various parking lot locations throughout Walt Disney World. The best part of this attraction is that there is no wait time. You don't even know you're on the attraction until you realize your spouse changed parking spots the night before opting for a closer proximity to the room and forgot to tell you about it until after you've left the room and your cell phone armed only with a rolling suitcase topped by another heavy bag and balancing yet another piece of luggage on top of THAT and the memory of seeing your vehicle in another location when your child spotted it from the 9th floor window while waiting for your elevator the day before. The attraction is always moving, never stopping until you do while you try to keep everything from sliding off the totem pole and simultaneously raise your provided key fob high above your head, listening for the audio-animatronic character vehicle to respond with a chirp to your never ending finger presses. Once you transverse the entire parking lot, you may even get to take the tour again, this time thinking somehow your vehicle was stolen right from under Mickey's nose and building an inner side story of how you're going to maim your spouse even though it was a very innocent mistake and one they realized once you had already left your room and maybe called your number just to rest their eyes on a ringing phone right in front of them. When you do find your vehicle and deposit the items intended for it, you may then exit the attraction in a safe manner. And please stand clear of the doors. "Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas." (Note: this attraction does require some physical exertion. Guests are expected to provide their own refreshments.)
"Spouse Impossible"- (we found this attraction at both Animal Kingdom and Epcot, but I think it changes daily, check your guide maps for listings and allow for time as showtimes are not exact) The object of this attraction is to split up between parks, one going to Epcot, the other taking the child (and the bus) to Animal Kingdom, and then meet at a specific location within one of the parks at a later time, pre-designated by both parties. (Children need parental supervision when on this attraction.) Oh, and during the course of your separation, one cell phone battery must die making any form of contact virtually impossible as you race to find each other in front of the Mexico pavilion by the appointed deadline. Spoiler alert: the attraction tries to trick you into thinking you can make it from one park to the other within thirty minutes or so, but the child (somehow in on it) manages to hold things up by complaining of tired feet. (While entertaining, this part of the attraction does tend to drag a bit.) Do yourself a favor and add another thirty minutes to your plan to skip the mundane stuff. Now, here is where the excitement factor is upped: when one of you makes it to the designated location, the other is nowhere to be found, and since one of you does not have a way to contact the other, you must rely on various resources to resolve the mystery of the missing spouse. Another spoiler: try a cast member. They're not supposed to help, but can provide you with clues on ways to make contact, solving the riddle. Just remember, this is only an attraction and should not be taken seriously, lest you become one of the "To Be A-" street performers by mistake, drawing your own audience.
Next time you journey over to a theme park, keep your eyes peeled for these hidden attractions, guaranteed to add more moments to the "In ten years, we'll sit back and laugh about this" memories!
(Disclaimer: Disney World is in no way affiliated with this blog or blog post and does not endorse any of these "attractions". While written in light of events that happened during our vacation, this post should in no way be taken as statements made on behalf of the Walt Disney Company. These are simply activities that happen EVERY TIME we're there. We like Disney! We do! Which is why we add disclaimers so Disney doesn't sue us, thereby preventing us from spending more money there...)