We thoroughly enjoyed our annual Labor Day vacation in Disney World, but while basking in the relative anonymity of being tourists #43456-43458, John, Sprite, and I noticed some new attractions that have never been promoted before, although we don't know why they haven't for they made our vacation that much more memorable:
"To Be A Brat or Not To Be A Brat" (also the adult version of "To Be A Bitch/Asshole or Not To Be a Bitch/Asshole") - continuous show times, various locations throughout Walt Disney World- Sprite seemed to be the only one with the guide map to this attraction for whenever there was a family squabble going on within earshot of our little eavesdropper, she immediately joined the queue to watch the high-larity of these street performers, most of them very well trained for they didn't even notice their audience as they provided the back story of why they were yelling at each other and wishing on each other varying options of death. Some of these performers even made their act mobile as they tried to navigate/ fight each other over who actually knew where to find Mickey's Philharmonic. And the best part of the show? It was right behind them! Disney does it all, I tell you!
"It's a Great Big Beautiful Parking Lot"- ongoing attraction/ walking tour, various parking lot locations throughout Walt Disney World. The best part of this attraction is that there is no wait time. You don't even know you're on the attraction until you realize your spouse changed parking spots the night before opting for a closer proximity to the room and forgot to tell you about it until after you've left the room and your cell phone armed only with a rolling suitcase topped by another heavy bag and balancing yet another piece of luggage on top of THAT and the memory of seeing your vehicle in another location when your child spotted it from the 9th floor window while waiting for your elevator the day before. The attraction is always moving, never stopping until you do while you try to keep everything from sliding off the totem pole and simultaneously raise your provided key fob high above your head, listening for the audio-animatronic character vehicle to respond with a chirp to your never ending finger presses. Once you transverse the entire parking lot, you may even get to take the tour again, this time thinking somehow your vehicle was stolen right from under Mickey's nose and building an inner side story of how you're going to maim your spouse even though it was a very innocent mistake and one they realized once you had already left your room and maybe called your number just to rest their eyes on a ringing phone right in front of them. When you do find your vehicle and deposit the items intended for it, you may then exit the attraction in a safe manner. And please stand clear of the doors. "Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas." (Note: this attraction does require some physical exertion. Guests are expected to provide their own refreshments.)
"Spouse Impossible"- (we found this attraction at both Animal Kingdom and Epcot, but I think it changes daily, check your guide maps for listings and allow for time as showtimes are not exact) The object of this attraction is to split up between parks, one going to Epcot, the other taking the child (and the bus) to Animal Kingdom, and then meet at a specific location within one of the parks at a later time, pre-designated by both parties. (Children need parental supervision when on this attraction.) Oh, and during the course of your separation, one cell phone battery must die making any form of contact virtually impossible as you race to find each other in front of the Mexico pavilion by the appointed deadline. Spoiler alert: the attraction tries to trick you into thinking you can make it from one park to the other within thirty minutes or so, but the child (somehow in on it) manages to hold things up by complaining of tired feet. (While entertaining, this part of the attraction does tend to drag a bit.) Do yourself a favor and add another thirty minutes to your plan to skip the mundane stuff. Now, here is where the excitement factor is upped: when one of you makes it to the designated location, the other is nowhere to be found, and since one of you does not have a way to contact the other, you must rely on various resources to resolve the mystery of the missing spouse. Another spoiler: try a cast member. They're not supposed to help, but can provide you with clues on ways to make contact, solving the riddle. Just remember, this is only an attraction and should not be taken seriously, lest you become one of the "To Be A-" street performers by mistake, drawing your own audience.
Next time you journey over to a theme park, keep your eyes peeled for these hidden attractions, guaranteed to add more moments to the "In ten years, we'll sit back and laugh about this" memories!
(Disclaimer: Disney World is in no way affiliated with this blog or blog post and does not endorse any of these "attractions". While written in light of events that happened during our vacation, this post should in no way be taken as statements made on behalf of the Walt Disney Company. These are simply activities that happen EVERY TIME we're there. We like Disney! We do! Which is why we add disclaimers so Disney doesn't sue us, thereby preventing us from spending more money there...)
My mother had a favorite game the last time we were at Disney World; it was called; "Lose the 5 Year Old". This action packed attraction consisted of my mother taking said 5 year old to a real attraction than walking away without him to find us. How she did this was anyone's guess. Than again, she played this same game at shopping malls and ski resorts in foreign countries (if you can call Canada foreign) What made this even more fun was that this was the age of no cell phones. I do believe that it taught the 5 year old serious coping skills.
Posted by: Michele | September 08, 2011 at 05:54 AM
I wondered about those other attractions, since I remember them but it's been about 15 years since I've been to either Disney World or Disneyland. Better update my must see/do list for when we finally take Princess Nagger to experience it ALL. ;)
And hopefully the laughing part will happen prior to the 10 year mark. ;)
Posted by: Stacy Uncorked | September 08, 2011 at 06:34 AM
The only attraction you missed was the over tired child attraction. This one happens only after lunch, after a very full morning. You can identify it by the adamant refusal that they are in fact tired. Crying often occurs. Frustration on the part of the guardian is also played out. Happens in the parks and also on the transportation system. My favorite performance happened on the tramway. Fun for all.
Posted by: VandyJ | September 08, 2011 at 08:00 AM
We often bemoan the fact we never took the kids, en masse, to Disney World when they were younger. I think I may be a little glad, now.
Posted by: Jan | September 08, 2011 at 08:55 AM
This, folks, is why we haven't taken the boys to see our big eared friend. We'd be our own mobile attraction, "How not to parent"...
Oh, and my spin is up:
http://outoftheboondocks.blogspot.com/2011/09/little-o.html
Posted by: Mamabadger | September 08, 2011 at 09:21 AM
LOL, I'll need you to write a guide book for me should we ever venture down there with the boys.
Posted by: Jenni | September 08, 2011 at 03:46 PM
Ha! I love Disney too...in theory. The reality always wears me out.
During our last trip there in 05 our best remembered attractions were the van's transmission blowing up an hour and a half in to the trip, along with a meandering scenic route through lovely Fort Pierce to get our rental, turning our three hour trip in to a nine hour excursion. So it was like a pre-attraction attraction. Disney covers its bases.
:) I've missed your humor.
http://outnumberedtwotoone.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/it%E2%80%99s-okay-i-took-pictures/
Posted by: Mrsbear | September 08, 2011 at 10:05 PM
Some of those attractions might have been my actual kids. Jamie took Elliot on Sunday, came home and switched, and took Graham on Monday. I wonder if you guys passed each other there?
According to him, there was no screaming involved....
Posted by: Casey | September 09, 2011 at 08:06 PM
I know I read this...so maybe just didn't comments. HILARIOUS as always. Will look for these attractions when we take Finn (which we can't wait to do). He's at the perfect age. Now if we just find a perfect way to make the money it requires. It's been 2+ years with no vacation for us (since Josh lost his job we've just been pinching pennies to pay our bills)! Ah, such is life!
Posted by: Kate | September 16, 2011 at 08:45 AM