It didn't even hit me until I was showering.
"Hey, John, I think I understand now what happened between Sprite and Kayla."
"Really?" (Yes, he was in the bathroom while I was showering. We're married, It's okay. With a kid, the ONLY time we get to talk is when we're showering or sleeping. And I'm not about to trade my sleep, so there you go. The secret to a long marriage is steam and self-confidence.)
"Yeah, with the entire worm-mud cake incident."
"And what about-"
Wait, let me fill you in on the back story.
Two weeks ago, I picked Sprite up from school and nothing was out of the ordinary. I exchanged pleasantries with the teachers, retrieved her homework, and hugged my daughter hello. On the way home, I asked the usual questions, she answered as usual. No worries.
Around 9:30 that night, I received a text message from Kayla's mom. The gist of the message was "sorry to let you know so late, but I wanted to make sure Sprite's okay. I had a long talk with Kayla and she's going to write Sprite an apology letter."
What? I thought back to the evening and any red flags. Nothing popped up. So I texted back, "She never said anything about it. I'm sure it's okay."
A few more messages of calm back and forth and I ventured into Sprite's room. The kid was still awake. (In our house, a sleepy but still hanging on child at 9:45 PM is not out of the ordinary.)
Sitting on her bed, I asked, "Hey, what happened with Kayla today?"
Her mouth crumpled immediately. "She said she was going to make me a worm-mud cake."
"A worm-mud cake?"
"And she told me I couldn't go to her birthday party." She sat up, looking dejected.
I reached out and took her in my arms, confused about the emotion involved. I mean, four year olds pull this kind of shit on each other all the time. Yes, Kayla is someone Sprite has been hanging out with since they were infants, Sprite even calls her a best friend, but nasty one minute, nice the next, right?
"And then Kayla and Sammy chased me saying I would have to eat worm-mud cake."
I soothed her hair. "Honey, I got a message from Kayla's mommy. Kayla is extremely sorry about what she said and I'm sure things will be fine tomorrow."
And they were. Sprite came home with a lovely hand drawn note of apology from Kayla and a story of a wonderful day at school.
Problem solved, right?
Well, apparently, kiddie problems are like tv shows, they only reference "Last time on.." when they're ready to pick the story back up which could be two or three episodes later while another back burner plot heats.
"Kayla's not my friend anymore."
I looked up into the rearview mirror, seeing her arms locked around her waist in anger. "What happened?"
"She said I can't go to her birthday party."
"Kayla's birthday isn't until October, Sprite. It's still a while away. Things may change."
"She said I'm not invited and I can't play with her anymore."
Now, being as Sprite has been around Kayla for years, this means I have too. This did not sound like the Kayla I knew. So I took the median route out since I had no idea where to go with it. "So maybe you shouldn't hang out with Kayla anymore."
"She's not nice to me."
"No, it doesn't sound like she's being nice at all."
Now I was more perturbed because the problem didn't have a solution yet. The apology note and promise of love had fallen flat in the world of VPK.
I sought out her teachers the next day. Not because I wanted to rat out Kayla. I just wanted to be sure that if Sprite was having problems, she was not just taking it sitting down.
"Oh, no. She did say something about it to us and by the end of the day, they were playing again, well, you know kids."
"Sure! I just don't want any ongoing issues." Actually, I wanted to know if she was standing her ground. I understand that life will hand you some blows once in a while, but in a smallish summer wind like this, she shouldn't be falling down so easily.
Knowing she was aware of her life lines, I felt better about it and brushed it off again.
A week passed, one day she and Kayla were thick as thieves, the next they weren't. Definitely not normal, but now it was just pissing me off that my kid was getting her feelings stomped on by someone else, someone else she trusted and loved.
Finally, on Friday of this last week, she got into the car, ready for dance class.
"Did everything go okay with Kayla today?"
"She wasn't in school. Her mom is getting married tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah! Did you wish Ms. Nicole well?"
"What?"
"Oh, never mind. It's just somethine we say when- you know, it's not important."
"Mommy, I want to go to the wedding."
"Honey, we can't go. We weren't invited."
"But I want to go to a wedding."
"Well, your daddy and I will renew our vows in a few years, and you can be in THAT wedding. You can be my maid of honor, wear a pretty dress and everything." No, really. John and I have been talking about renewing our vows and of course, my daughter will be the maid of honor. If she throws me a nice bridal shower..
"Okay."
We put Kayla, weddings, and school out of our minds and continued with our Friday routine.
I didn't get it until I was lathering up. Kayla had been taunting Sprite about her mother's wedding and the fact that Sprite wasn't invited. The worm-mud cake was wedding cake. The taunts were cruel, which was why Kayla's mom thought a formal apology was necessary. (Otherwise, I thought she was putting too much effort into little childish games.)
I guess I just hadn't been aware of just how direct the taunts were.
"And what about the worm-mud cake incident?"
"It just makes sense now. It was all about Nicole's wedding."
"Jen, I knew that in the beginning."
"You did?"
"I spoke with Nicole at school. Sprite didn't tell the teachers what happened. She told Nicole."
"She ratted Kayla out to her own mom?"
"Yes."
Huh. Sprite had figured out that telling a teacher wouldn't merit punishment for her tormentor since they tend to water down the juice until it seems a punch started out as a well intentioned hug, so she went straight to the top level of management.
And I felt better. (Oh, come on. You would too if you knew the bully got their just desserts.)
I still love Kayla. And I'm sure now that all the wedding stuff is over, she'll return to her sweet old self who's waiting for Sprite to come to school in the morning.
I just hope that she'll hold her own when the stronger social winds come bearing down.
****Updated to add: I didn't think it important to the issue earlier but many are considering Kayla's reaction to her mom getting married and changing the family dynamic. Actually, Kayla's mom married Kayla's dad. They just made things official. (Seriously, such a sweet family.) But, in the holistic approach, planning any big event which involves the whole family can throw everything into upheaval, even when the event is something positive. I got Sprite dressed for school this morning, reminding her to be nice to Kayla and chances would be good that everything would be back on an even keel.
I can only be relieved that the worst words that can hurt right now are "ugly" and "you're not my friend". It's more of an affront to Sprite since the person saying them is someone who's been an alli for so long in her life. I'm not looking forward to the later years when the words take on a more personal meaning..