Punishment By Proxy

I slipped into the busy room, my movements easily concealed by the noise level and another parent who was in the process of collecting her son.

Reaching into Sprite's folder, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my legs from behind as a little face pressed into my right thigh.

"Mommy!"

I looked down to see her smiling fice. "Hi, babe."

"I love you so much!"

As much as I cherished those words, the eyes behind the smile seemed a little off. Something was up. Looking up, I saw her teacher come closer, with a wary smile on her face.

"I was about to send her to Time Out." Her eyebrows rose as she said this.

"What happened?"

"She hit a friend."

Must not have been that close of a friend. "She hit someone?"

"She was standing in line and thought someone was getting a little too close and turned around and slapped her."

"No reason other than standing too close?"

"No."

Looking down at the deep brown eyes which gazed back at me with such innocence, I KNEW she was guilty. I looked back to the teacher. "Where's the Time Out spot?"

She shrugged and pointed to the far wall near an easel. "I'm not going to enforce it since you need to leave."

I was running late.

But a lesson was a lesson.

"Sprite, go sit in Time Out. Four minutes."

Shocked, she backed away from me, watching as both I and her teacher pointed to the same spot. Not sure who she should pay attention to, she just stood there.

"Sprite, you did the crime, do the time. Go to Time Out."

Her feet would not move.

"May I?" her teacher asked.

I smiled, giving her full authority to act even though I was standing right there.

I leaned against the closed closet door, watching as Sprite was led to Time Out, her tears beginning in earnest once she realized that Mom, the ruler of her rules universe, was not going to rescue her from certain doom.

I took my time fetching her rest friend from the cubbies and her homework before I made small talk with the same teacher, all while my daughter's shoulders shook with outraged emotion, her small back turned to us as she served her sentence, forced sobs letting us know how betrayed she felt.

Finally, the teacher could take no more. (I could have gone the whole four minutes..) Walking over to my little bully, she released her from solitary and marched her over for a tissue to mop her face with and a long overdue apology for the victim, another little girl who happened to share the same name. If not the same attitude.

Finished with her sentence and community service, Sprite was sent back over to the door where she laid still glittering eyes on me. "I want to go home," she whimpered.

"Okay, let's go," I answered, mouthing a thank you to her teacher.

We walked out, my hand on her back to steer her toward the exit.

"Sprite, who's in charge?"

"You are."

"Who else?"

"Daddy."

"And when you're at school, who's in charge?"

"...The teacher."

 Damn straight.

Comments

[Kristine]

Aw..poor wee Sprite..
It's a tough lesson to learn. I remember the look of absolute betrayal my daughter gave me when I wouldn't over rule the teacher.

[Jan]

Ah, poor little Sprite. She'll understand one day that you're *always* on her side. (I'd have left mine there for the entire four minutes, too. Mean Old Mom.)

[Mama Badger]

Bravo, Sprite, Bravo! I would love to see her rendition of "Grandma says no". That one is always a great performance at our house.

Way to support the rules, Jen.

[Laufa]

Good job Mom!! She still love you, even if she isn't in trouble.

[VandyJ]

Those lessons are hard to learn. Too bad they are so cute--makes it tough to be tough.

[K]

I'm a "mean" mom too. You go girl.

[Jenni]

Good for you. I'd have done the same thing. My kids know good and well who the boss is around these parts.

[Captain Dumbass]

I've had that same discussion. So many many times...

[Michele]

You did the right thing. Mean moms rock.

[Stacy Uncorked]

Good for you enforcing the rules - you done good, mom. :)

[Erica@PLRH]

Nicely done Mom!

[Rachel]

You rock, mama!

[tulpen]

F***ing right kid.

Don't forget it.

Good on you Momma.

[Ginny Marie]

I can just picture those big eyes looking up at you! If only kids were as innocent as they look...my girls have got the innocent look down. ;)

[Baba]

Way to go Jen you did good. I know what it's like to look into her eys she really has that innocent look going for her...But she learned from the best.

[Keely]

Nice one. Teachers have it hard enough without having their authority undermined.

She'll get over it ;)

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

amen....she needs to know she can't get away with things.

[Erin]

Damn straight.
I wish I could write about the tag-teaming I did against my son yesterday. Not such a sweet story. :-)

[Kate]

I just read this again and I love it just as much as when I read it the first time. I think so many people become parents for all the wrong reasons (I could tell you stories, I met many of them when I was teaching). People think about all the fun and great parts of being a parent...and forget the tough stuff. We would both agree there are so many wonderful things about being a parent, but you have to be ready and willing to take on the tough stuff too...or you have no business.

And that means handing out consequences when it's inconvenient or when you're in a rush because kids are really so much smarter than what we give them credit for and if you give in once, they know to push twice as hard the next time.

Bravo to you for taking the time to teach Sprite values and expectations and that they go everywhere that she is...

[Helen@Baby Shoes]

Well done mum. Tough love is the way to go!

[Casey]

Awww yeah, lay that hammer down!

[bex]

Good for you! I'd say that was a victory!