Sprite's Keeper

Spin Cycle: Reeling It In

I don't know why I feel obligated to warn you, but I do. I feel a sense of responsibility in posting here five days a week, maybe even a sixth if a new Spin Cycle roll up presents itself during the weekends. Again, I don't know why considering I don't advertise, I'm not making any money off this blog, and I don't owe it to anyone other than my own personal goals, which have been known to be over-inflated from time to time.

Posting will be light around here for the next couple of weeks. (It's okay. Just breathe.) (Um, that was for me.)

You see, I have a full time job. (Shocked, are you? How do I do it, you ask? Am I insane, you cry?) (Probably not. It's hard to explain. And a look in my archives should answer the last question for you. I'm too fragile to verbally admit it.) And while I have a full time job, a full time Mom job, a full time Wife job, and a part time blogging job, meh, call it a hobby (there's that unpaid status wielding its weight), sometimes one of the other full time positions throws a monkey wrench into the already precarious balance I hold with each.

As a result, I need to withdraw some of my time from one role and deposit it into one of the other pieces of pie. (Mmm, pie..) Unfortunately, the blogging piece, while being one of the most delicious, is the one I have to step back from until the my obligation to one of the other pieces is fulfilled.

I've got a big test to study for. One that's been hanging over my head for months and the deadline draws nigh. (Yes, I could have said near, but you expect robust words from me by now, right?)

So, I will be posting here and there, reading around the blogosphere when I can, and of course, the Spin Cycle will continue spinning. (I even have a poem in the works! Look at me, such a multi-tasker!) Just don't be surprised if you open my site, get a few lines down, and realize, "Hey, this looks familiar! Didn't I read this yesterday?" Well, yes, you may have, but you may want to read it again considering it took you a few to recognize the story's intent. (Yeah, I've done it too..)

You can also look at it this way. I'm going to give you back five minutes of your day. How awesome am I? (Of course, those days I do post, I'm totally keeping your five to suit my greedy needs.)

But after May 12? I'll be gorging on my Google Reader.

Wish me luck on the test!

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Role play, role reversal, rolls fresh from the oven, how much do I love these Spinners!

CaJoh over at Ca-Joh

Dawn over at Mino and Man-Man

Julie over at Modern Middle Age

Heidi over at The World According to Heidi

Patty over at Pancakes Gone Awry

Gretchen over at Second Blooming

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts

Pines Lake Redhead over at Pines Lake Redhead

Kendra over at Life in the Slow Lane

Kingsmom over at Servant to a King

Laufa over at Morgan Madness

Joanie over at Joanie's Random Ramblings

Heather over at Welch Happenings -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Peg over at Square Peg in a Round Hole -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

The South Dakota Cowgirl over at The South Dakota Cowgirl -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Suzicate over at The Water Witch's Daughter -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Vandy over at The Testosterone Three and Me -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and into the Burbs... -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Please take the time to visit everyone and read these amazing takes on roles/rolls. You may learn something about yourself and even get a recipe out of it!

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Next Week's Spin Cycle: Mother's Day

What? Did you think I would ignore this holiday? The one day I get to sit back and let John take the helm of child rearing while I close the bedroom door so as to not hear the fifth go round of "The Little Mermaid" as sung by Sprite INTO A MICROPHONE ATTACHED TO A SPEAKER WHAT WAS JOHN THINKING???? (And did you know she knows how to turn the microphone on? And the speaker? And recognizes that we're lying when we tell her the speaker is broken since she LOOKS for the red light and points it out to us? Well, she does.)

So, what are you doing for Mother's Day? How do you approach it now versus then? Have kids? What gifts are the best/worst/why couldn't the husband have handed out a little more cash before letting Junior loose in the mall? What is the most memorable?

Do you not like Mother's Day? Is it an excuse for Hallmark to keep cutting down trees? Do you think every day should be Mother's Day?

Let us in on your plans! The selfish, the not so selfish, the mom's who use this day as a day to GET RID of their family and enjoy a day to themselves, whatever your cause for celebration, Spin it up and serve it here with a side of guilt! (The guilt is always fresh and in abundance in a mother's world.)

See you next Friday on the Spin Cycle!

Papa Bear

It was like the general public knew the malls would be closed on Easter.

While the line for the Easter Bunny was virtually nonexistent the day before, the corridors were packed in the Coastland Mall. We dodged shoppers by the second, playing a game of Frogger with the quick sidestepping traffic who decided to make an illegal right into the Abercrombie store. Judging by the pumping music, the rave was just beginning.

John led the way to the playground near the Food Court where a big tree stood proud and tall, beckoning to be climbed by the dozens of kids already assembled. The early afternoon was still prime for the lunch crowd, some parents just pushing their overtired wee ones into the round, calling out "Keep your hands to yourself and you'll get a cookie!"

Junior didn't listen as he immediately whisked off his shoes and chucked them at a toddler. (I think he still got the cookie since a walloped toddler whose own guardian wasn't watching can't tattle.)

Sprite seemed to catch the energy, almost pulsing with it, impatient with our slow removal of her own shoes.

She dashed off for the tree's slide, her socked feet bouncing on the padded floor.

John and I settled on a vacated part of the exterior bench, taking in the noise, the activity, the twelve year old that barely missed my feet rushing by to tag another tween who shouldn't have been in the play area.

"Too old to be here," John commented.

"You would think the parents should know that," I answered.

He pointed to our left. "There they are."

Yep, there they were. A large family of mothers, fathers, children too young to walk, just sitting and watching and not registering a response when one of their brood smashed into a smaller kid.

The running boys veered toward the middle, near the tree where Sprite and others closer to her age were clumsily taking turns with the slide. Wincing at a near collision and then another one, I remarked, "I'm going to say something."

"Jen, don't."

We sat.

The game of tag was afoot again. I tried to gain the biggest boy's attention. "Excuse me!"

He ignored me.

Keeping an eye on him, John shook his head before gesturing to the giant bug eyed character cutout complete with height register. "He's definitely not under forty inches."

I snorted. "Forty inches? Try forty pounds." My subject was playing a game more akin to tackle football than tag. He looked ready and willing, and happy, to take someone out.

He came within arm's reach and I grazed his shirt. "Excuse me!"

He kept going.

"Jen, don't touch him!" John reprimanded.

"I'm trying to get his attention."

"Don't touch!"

"You're right. You're right."

I could feel the eyes of the couple to my right. Great. I had an audience now.

The boy came by again. This time, I said, "No running please! I'm watching you."

He passed me, turning his head to acknowledge my words, slowing down and sidestepping a little boy.

I turned to smile at John who had his head in his hands.

"Don't tell someone you're watching him!"

"But he stopped."

"Yes, but you shouldn't-"

"You're right. You're right."

The tag game now called on account of parental intervention, we went back to observing Sprite coming down the slide, sending her stuffed lamb first before her own legs took the plunge. She landed on her bottom, sitting there for a second to savor the rush of gravity.

A small boy passing by, noticed her sprawled legs and stepped on her right foot. Deeming the action enjoyable, he then took the stance of an ant killer, clenching his fists and bringing them closer to his body to counterweight his balance as his own right foot became a piston, coming down over and over on Sprite's ankle and arch.

Sprite looked up at him in confusion. I looked at him in horror. John sprang up and bounded over before I could get a word out.

"What the hell are you doing?"

The boy's mother ran over and grabbed the little felon, his leg still moving, pulling him away from Sprite before he could bring his foot down again. She pulled him away from Sprite as John brought the victim into his own protective embrace, his eyes shooting daggers at the tyke.

"I'm sorry," the mother said, gathering the boy's shoes.

John glared at her as well, the fact that she gave birth to this "bully" making her just as accountable.

He inspected Sprite's leg and foot, satisfied that her outrage was the only thing injured. Releasing the patient, he walked back over to his seat, resuming watch.

The mother and the now assembled brat boy tried one more time before leaving. "Again, we're really sorry." She held him tighter as she walked by and out of the round.

"People should know how their children behave. Keep a closer eye on them," John grumbled when she was gone.

I watched Sprite amble over to a boat structure, climb in, and send the lamb catapulting into a smaller boy already seated inside, a sure sign that she was about to cause trouble.

John said nothing.

"You're right," I smirked, getting up to be the accountable parent now.

So this is what they mean by taking turns..

So it turns out that sharing is NOT a two way street...

...if you ask a three year old.

"Want some apple slices?"

"Yes, please."

"Have a seat and I'll cut some up for us."

Joining her a few minutes later with a loaded plate of cut fruit, I place it between us.

"Thank you, Mommy!"

Ah, manners. I'm totally taking credit for that.

Watching her take a slice for each hand, I then reach for one of my own. And immediately lose the wedge to her pinching grasp. "Hey!"

"That's my apple."

"No, it's for both of us." My hand reaches out again to nail the point home and gets blocked by hers.

"No, this is not yours."

"Whatever happened to sharing?"

"My apple."

To cement her argument, she then picks up every slice and chomps a half moon into each one, claiming ownership.

I'm not worried about her brains. I'm worried about her brazenness. 
 

I believe he married me just for this reason.

"Can you cut this out?"

I look up from my netbook to his posterior in my face. His right hand is hooked into the waistband of his boxers and holding it away from his back.

"Nice view."

"Can you get rid of the tag?"

Inspecting the scratchy foe, I notice the double stitching. There's no way my inferior sewing skills and lack of a thread puller can handle this. "Nope."

He lets go of the fabric, the elastic rebounding with a muffled snap. "It's annoying me."

"Turn it inside out."

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

He turns to face me, pondering his answer. "It makes too much sense."

Dropping trou, the ole switcheroo is performed and he's suited up again, this time in reverse.

"Well?"

"Don't feel it."

"There you go."

"You and your genius..." He disappears from the room, off to save the underworld from itchy underwear with his new defense.

WoW, you owe me one.

Spin Cycle: Mouseketeer Role Call!

Sorry, I could have easily omitted the "Mouseketeer", but that would just lack the sense of confusion I'm going for.

Here we go with our "Role" Spinners!

CaJoh over at Ca-Joh

Dawn over at Mino and Man-Man

Julie over at Modern Middle Age

Heidi over at The World According to Heidi -Updated Tuesday!

Patty over at Pancakes Gone Awry -Updated Wednesday!

Gretchen over at Second Blooming -Updated Thursday!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -Updated Thursday!

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts -Updated Thursday!

Pines Lake Redhead over at Pines Lake Redhead -Updated Thursday!

Kendra over at Life in the Slow Lane -Updated Thursday!

Kingsmom over at Servant to a King -Updated Thursday!

Laufa over at Morgan Madness -Updated Thursday!

Joanie over at Joanie's Random Ramblings -Updated Thursday!

You have until Friday the 30th of April (Agh! May's coming! Batten down the... um... yeah. Say "hi" to May, I guess.) to get those "Role/Roll" Spins in!

What do you do when you can't make your three year old succumb to a nap?

Turn to the grandparents.

Unfortunately, casting the spell of slumber onto Sprite had a reverse effect on my dad.

My mom though? Impervious to it. She's powerful. I've always known.

I have GOT to learn her ways, if only to save me from late evening meltdowns..
 
 

Spin Cycle: You'd think the kid was brainwashed..

I know. Sprite is a Disney fanatic.

You don't need to remind me for the ninety majillionth time that "Wow, she really likes Disney!" or "There's a tv in her room, right? How else does she know all the lines to Snow White/ Sleeping Beauty/ Aladdin?" or even "Seriously, does she go outside? AT ALL???"

For the record, the answers are yes, she likes Disney. I'd even venture into the love territory. No, she does not have a tv in her room and banning John's i-Touch ("Daddy's phone!") from bedtime is an ongoing battle between good and evil. I'm good, both John and Sprite would think otherwise. And yes, she goes outside. Sometimes. (Don't forget, we live in Florida where the heat is plentiful, the humidity is high, and the bugs are bloodthirsty.)

So, when thinking of quotes, I kept reverting back to Sprite's latest request, Finding Nemo. There are so many pull quotes from this movie, I find myself spieling away while I work. "We did it, we did it, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No eating here tonight, eating here tonight, you on a diet!"

"His boy Chico-"
"Nemo."
"Nemo."

"Humans, think they own everything."
"Probably American."

"No, of course I like you. It's because I like you I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated emotion."

"Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth if you want to live."

"I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy."

"Mine."

Oh, yeah. It could go on, but why don't you just go watch the movie? If you have a child under the age of patience, chances are it's sitting in the large pile beside your DVD player.

Now, MY favorite quote? Right out of the 80's, back in the day when lines were more intellectual zingers than profanity laced insults, back in the day when men had a gorgeous full head of hair and collars were starched, whether up or down, back in the day when Val Kilmer was still a young Adonis. (Age has not been kind to him.)

My favorite 80's movie was Real Genius. I was too young to be captivated when it first came out, but after seeing Val Kilmer in Top Secret! at the tender age of 13 and falling for him, my mother, in a weak moment, bought Real Genius. And I watched that movie over and over until the tape started skipping.

"You'll rue the day!"
"Rue the day? Who talks like that?"

I sneak that line into conversations all the time. The unfortunate outcome is that no one else gets it. So, I bide my time by teaching my daughter how to say it. Sometimes she gets it, sometimes she fails. I tried all week long to get her on video, but the only times she nailed it, we were driving and I'm not about to wreck the blue car just so you can see cuteness in action.

What? Safety first, right?

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Oh, the quotes to come out of this week's Spins! My Netflix que is going to be full! Take some time to visit the newbies and the veterans!

Shelby over at Gen X Moms-New to the Spin Cycle!

Stacy over at True Blue Texan

Cajoh over at Ca-Joh

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher

Dawn over at Mino and Man-Man -New to the Spin Cycle!

Kendra over at Life in the Slow Lane

Julie over at Modern Day Middle Age

Ellie Belen over at Distracting Minutia

Becca over at The Katz Cradle -I've been duped!

Becca over at The Katz Cradle -That's right, another one!

Suzicate over at The Water Witch's Daughter

Gretchen over at Second Blooming

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar

Aimee over at In THIS Life -New to the Spin Cycle!

Michele over at It's A Dog's Life

Pines Lake Redhead over at Pines Lake Redhead

Jennifer over at The South Dakota Cowgirl

Laufa over at Morgan Madness

Vandy over at The Testosterone Three and Me

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs...

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts

Kingsmom over at Servant to a King

Peg over at Square Peg in a Round Hole -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

Andrea over at Gathering Dust -Updated Friday! Fresh Spin!

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Next week's Spin Cycle Assignment: Roles.

Mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, teacher, clerk, cashier, hero, damsel.. We all have roles. What's your role? Favorite role? Least favorite? Role you feel obligated to play? What role defines you best? What role do you want to redefine?

Or maybe you have a recipe for great dinner rolls. Share it up! (And send it over. The smell of fresh bread WEAKENS me.)

Remember, you have until Friday!

And while I'm on a roll...

"I'm gonna be your best friend.... Good feeling's gone."

Sorry.

Portrait of a Scaredy-Cat

Picture it. A buffet lunch At Sesame Street Safari of Fun, relaxing and refueling after a morning of rides in Busch Gardens. Sitting next to a friend you've known for years. (Three to be exact.)

Knowing your father is about to bring back a plate of heavenly goodness, including macaroni and cheese that was made by Elmo himself. At least, that's what you heard from a four year old while in line for Air Grover.

Eating and talking and comparing new words and just having a great Saturday.

Until..

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Put your hands together for your favorite Sesame Street characters!"

You turn and see them. Life size Elmo, bigger than life size Big Bird, Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster. They're walking right toward YOU.

(Pictures of the following three minutes were lost as the parent responsible for taking pictures had her hands full trying to peel her terrified, screaming child from the underside of the table.Thus began a mission of playing keep away with characters as the four parents in the group shooed Bert and Ernie away, causing Bert to place his hand over his eyes and walk to the next table, dejected.)
 

Once you are assured that the monsters will be kept far away from you, you suction yourself to your mother's lap and watch nervously as Elmo and Big Bird assume a spot twenty feet away, taking pictures with the others kids, who for some reason, aren't freaking out. Do they not realize they could get EATEN??? A monster that big has a big appetite!

Hey, look at Ernie! He's singing "Rubber Duckie"! You like that song! Cute dance too.

"Sprite, come take a picture with Abigail and Cookie Monster. It's okay. He won't hurt you."

You graciously send your regards from the safety of your mother's arms. Those monsters will never come near her. She gives time outs.

  You just need a few more moments to gather yourself. After the monsters have left, of course.

 
 
 

The Vanilla Verdict

I normally don't do reviews anymore. It's not a set rule, but one I maintain mostly due to the time and trouble I have to go through to meet the company's expectations, my readers' expectations, and my own moral expectations. I will only review things I think Sprite would like, and it's a strike against the company if I can't score a give away of the product in question since I would feel strange waxing poetic about XYZ and how I got something for free and woo hoo and comments are open, let me know what you think, m'kay?

So, most emails have been getting deleted with a apologetic reply declining my interest, but thanking them anyway. Until I saw an email from Pepperidge Farm asking me to review their new Vanilla Goldfish graham crackers and I thought, hm, that would be right up Sprite's palate, er, alley so I cast my hat into the ring, pledging to add my two cents to their opinion count. Besides, free food? I'm gaining game.

The Goldfish arrived pretty quickly after, first time I ever received food through Fed Ex, and we tore into the bag. I immediately liked it, the flavor reminding me of the outside ends of a vanilla sandwich cookie. John liked it too, proposing it as a topping for ice cream or even just mixed up with whipped cream for an easy snack.

Sprite didn't like it.

"Are you sure you don't like them?" I asked, offering her another.

She declined, "I don't want it," and walked away.

Huh. This would be a first. The kid loved "fishies".

I brought them for an afterschool snack the next day, depositing the baggie into her car seat for her to find.

She climbed into the van, seeing them quickly. "Ooh, fishies!" Grasping the plastic, she opened the seam and popped a few into her mouth. After crunching a few times, she handed the bag back to me. "Here, Mommy. I don't like it."

Okay. It wasn't a winner. (Even if John and I made short work of the rest of the supply.)

I emailed the marketing rep with the news, letting her know that I could easily pull the plug on the whole operation and forget this ever happened, but if I were to go through with the review, I would need to be honest. (I have guilt. In spades. Very pointy.)

Luckily. she understood and gave me permission to move forward with the review, mentioning it would help if I included the fact that John and I thought it was delicious. Sure, no problem.

Now, during this timeframe, our statewide chain Publix was running some great sales on Goldfish crackers, marking them down to a dollar a bag. I used the discount to stock up on our inventory, buying the Original, Pretzel, Chocolate, and Honey varieties, the choices Sprite is always okay with, a bag of Vanilla for John and me, and a new flavor, S'mores, mostly due to the fact that it just sounded good, and if the kid hated it, it would be her loss.

Of course, she loved it. "Marshmallows! I want marshmallows!" The entire bag disappeared in a matter of days between Sprite's requests, my pre-dinner fistfuls, and I'm sure John snuck his hand into the cookie bag a few times. So I clued the rep in on this twist of events and she again gave her blessing to review those instead.

So, Vanilla? I will probably only buy them when John wants them for a sundae topping. The kid has rejected them enough times to convince me that she's not a fan.

S'mores? They're on my short list. (Funny how I bought the bag I reviewed, huh?) (Meh. It was a buck. I'll live.)

Ooh, quick side story! (I know, I know, when are they ever quick?)

We took a day trip on Saturday, more about that in later posts, and I packed Sprite's Minnie Mouse lunch bag with snacks and drinks for our outing. I included a bag of the Vanilla Goldfish, a banana, and some fruit chews for the kid. We then proceeded to neglect our snacks and didn't dive into the stash until the drive home. Since Sprite was napping, and therefore oblivious to me raiding her food, I decided to eat the fishies.

Upon the first bite, I thought they tasted strange. I took a few more and ate those. (Because that's what you do when something doesn't taste the way it should. You taste it again.) Again, the taste was off.

"John, try this. Does it taste right?" I offered the bag and he took a few. (Because that's what you do when something doesn't taste the way it should. You make someone else cast a vote.)

Munch, munch. "Huh." He dipped his hand into the bag again. "It doesn't taste like it did. It tastes like-"

"Bananas?"

His eyes widened. "Yes!" He took a few more. "Did you get a package of banana too?"

"They don't make banana."

"Then how did that happen?"

I looked in Sprite's lunch bag and found the ripe banana. "Do you think it somehow absorbed the banana smell?"

He shrugged, his eyes on the road. "No clue on that one."

I wasn't sure if it was a fluke, but decided to test my theory once more. I poured the rest of the Vanilla stock into a sealed baggie and deposited it and another ripe banana into Sprite's sack. Zipping it closed, I left it overnight.

Would you believe they tasted like banana?

They totally did. (And they were good too! Why hasn't Pepperidge Farm thought of banana before? You could pair them with the Vanilla and Chocolate and call it a Banana Split!) (And now I want ice cream..)

I think I've stumbled onto a winner. I even have a name proposal, Nanner Fish! (Come on, the product is mostly geared towards kids anyway.. Better to have a kitchy name they can pronounce easily.)

So, there is is. A review that went South, back North, and then took a turn into left field. Bet you never saw THAT coming.

RTT: Lessons Learned

The theory of sandwichivity: The more ingredients you add to a sandwich, the less time it will stay intact. For instance, slices of meatloaf, fresh spinach leaves, a few slivers of tomato, some Laughing Cow cheese, and a dash of yellow mustard will only survive one bite before you need to resort to a fork. (Or fingers if you're home alone.) (Come on, dishes don't do themselves!) But you are at least guaranteed in one kick ass bite.

The theory of parental control:
"I want bread."
"Eat some meat first."
"I don't like it."
"You haven't tried it."
"I not hungry."
"Then you're not hungry for bread."
"....I want bread."
You know that in the end, they always get the bread because you will worry about rumbling tummies even though all the pediatricians recommend not giving in until the child has at least tried the possibly toxic carrot, the same carrot the child shoveled in with gusto during school since her FRIENDS were eating it, the same friends that also taught her how to spit out whatever drink she has in her mouth with flair, and the tears have already broken your resolve and you never had your composure to begin with because you had a day, you know?, so that was already out the window before you even got home, and you are not going to be a short order cook, but you can't be Mommy Dearest either, and WHERE IS THE FINE LINE???, so you give up the bread. And maybe shorten bedtime by 15 minutes.
Hey, gotta get your win somehow, right?

The theory of spider catching: When the husband is not home and a spider is found, I 1. dance in terror, 2. squeal in fright, 3. stop Sprite from getting a look at the growing menace, and 4. find the vacuum. The Dyson is extremely adept at sucking the crawlie out of tight spaces and into an airtight space. I then 5. depress the button a few times to get the suction going again in an effort to make sure the spider did not perform some super-insect feat of holding onto one of the rungs of the tube while trying to outlast the Dyson, and finally, 6. leave the vacuum in its present location for John to find and admire that I was able to get rid of a spider in his absence and of course, empty the canister because I'm sure as hell not touching it.
(Look at it this way, it's either the Dyson and a more humane way of putting the damn thing out of its misery or collecting every shoe in our household, including the kid's- I don't discriminate, if they can hurt when she steps on my feet, chances are they'll leave a mark when being flung from five to ten paces, and hurling them, while squealing, loudly, until either I get the kill shot or I run out of shoes. This scenario requires more clean up and probably back up since my track record is still in the negative, so the Dyson it is.

The theory of clean eating: When baking or cooking from scratch, you are doing your body a favor by knocking out all the preservatives, however the more you realize you LIKE scratch cooking, the more weight you gain due to the recipes you try. I made whole wheat biscuits on Sunday that turned out so good, I kept asking John if he liked them just to hear the praise. Yes, I will resort to baiting my own line in order to catch a culinary compliment. But this change to homemade has meant turning to ingredients like butter, flour, and sugar to obtain the essence companies would normally use MSG or high fructose corn syrup or food dyes to make their crap so tasty. It works, well, but it's working the scale as well. I cannot make the numbers move no matter how hard I try. I could try exercising more, eating less richly, but what fun is that?

All right, I going to cut my RTT's short this week in order to share some of the funniest lines I've read in a long time. These came by way of Katie D., longtime blog friend who is taking a blogging hiatus, and needs to come back, just my suggestion, who emailed me a list of life's great ironies sure to draw a chuckle out of you. And if it doesn't, then I'm sorry, there's no help for you.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.  

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.    

5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?   

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?  

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of   my neighborhood. 

 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.   

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.   

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.   

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.   

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.  

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?   

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.   

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.   

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.  

There's more and I had to include #29 only because it needed it's own part and font size.

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.   

 

Something else you need to read? Everyone's contributions for RTT over at The Un Mom! Click the link, sit back, and expect to keep put for the next few hours. Best time suck you could ask for!