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March 25, 2010


Hmmmm. How long was the cruise again? I'm not sure a whole year is fair, but I'd say equal time in hours is quite reasonable! :)

I think a year is plenty of time for you to think of a whole lot of requests. It is only March and we still need a girls weekend.

Okay, a year of payback with the promise of a w/e away in addition. Think big...

I would say no. After all, I am sure he still takes a night here or a night there. An extended leave from child rearing can only be exchanged for an extended period of solo child rearing.

I think it's federal law.

Absolutely a year is PLENTY of time. Some day the agreement will go the other way and you will want a limit on it.

Now start filling up that calendar. We have an extra room...until the Man Cub gets moved out of the nursery.

Oh, boy, don't get me started. Did he have to plan child care when he went away? He's not a babysitter, he's THE DAD. Why do dads think it's okay to just go ahead and plan a night (or a week!) out with no thought about child care, but when the girls go out, we need to ask if dad will be home? It's a good thing my kids are grown, cuz this issue still ticks me off.


Sorry. Back to the frivolity, now.

Ummm...John should know by now that when I come into town we always get our date night!! I mean we take Sprite everywhere we go on Saturday from Monring til about 4 or 5(which is great fun :-D ) and then its his turn! I do recall him having a date night which over took our date night so him and a friend could go see Avatar.....

I think it should be equal amount of time. His cruise was this many hours, so you get that many hours also. over a year is good, but I don't know about the in writing part or advanced notice either.

Here is my spin:

I'm afraid I'm absolutely no help here. I've been sucked into Beloved's Priorities in Life so completely I couldn't even begin to guess how to negotiate an equitable exchange.

And I tend to agree with Middle-Aged-Woman.

I like Heather's suggestion. I'd go night for night. If he took a 3-day cruise, you get three girls' nights in exchange. That seems fair.

I agree with the Heathers. Why don't you just take a trip to visit an old friend for as long as that cruise was? Then call it even.

Day for day doesn't even come close to evening it out! Break it down to hours then divide by the typical duration of a girls' night to give your 'allowance' as it were.

And hell to the no with advanced written notice!

I think the Heathers have it. Shoot for equal time. Then neither feels put out all the time.

And here's my spin:

A year, a week. Meh. Plan a weekend girls trip or some such event and then let the whole thing go. Don't go hour for hour, or keep playing the card. When you start the "you got... so I get..." you always end up on the wrong end, I've found. As long as neither person abuses it, you should each be able to take a breather and have the other pick up the slack whenever you need it.

I think a year is good. I would milk it for all that can. AND then in the last month or two, I would spring it on him that you're doing a girl's weekend. AND sweetly tell him the score is evened.

By the way, speaking of girls' weekends, are you going to any blogging conferences? I'd love to hang out with you again (of course, I say this with no immediate blogging-conference plans on the horizon).

Let's see. You have to give 48 hours notice.... So theoretically you could give him a notice EVERY DAY (for the day 48 hours in the future), so two days from now, you could have every night off for the rest of the year? Sounds like a WIN to me!

If you really need a running tally, I would say count up the hours involved in the man cruise and use up a equivalent number of hours yourself. They supply will probably be exhausted before the year is up...Or you can take a break whenever you need to, within reason, because everyone deserves them whether you've got the time banked or not. ;)

I think that's very fair. Although I think you should be able to take a night off on occasion cruise payback or no.

I'm with MamaBagder. Taking care of you own child is not a tit-for-tat kind of deal. He told you he was going on a cruise, you take the kid. You gave him notice that you were taking a night out with the girls. That means he is up to bat. End of story. No real tally to keep if everyone plays nice.

It is *really* hard to keep a scorecard with these things and I've gotta say, a person can end up going a bit nuts, or maybe bitter if one partner gets more "time off" or "fun time with friends alone" than the other. Um, yes, I am speaking from experience and yes, I did get the rough end of the stick by any tallying.

Maybe a compromise of 6 nights out in exchange for his 3 full days/nights of the cruise. An evening out isn't as much work as the usual day-to-day schlepping around of a small child. Just my 5 cents worth, since we don't have one cent pieces in Australia any more LOL!

Come to BlogHer! That would make it even :)

She knows whenever she needs or wants the night off, all she has to do is ask. Cruise or not.

I was going to say alot of stuff, but everyone else said it.
then John posted a comment. And he is right. He is a good daddy and husband. No need to keep score, but I would agree that advance notice is nice.

He took a cruise.A cruise! Without his wife. Dang right you can call in a few "nights off" to make up for that.

Dang men are such whiners! that John's comment up there. Shoot..that shoots my mocking all to hell. What a sweetheart (He's gearing up to take another cruise, next year isn't he? Look at that kissing up!) :-)

I think it's fair as long as he understands that it should be equally fair. i.e. I'm sure he wa "unreachable" during his cruise so when you are off doing whatever you are doing he should't expect to call YOU and interrupt! right?

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