Sprite's Keeper

Spin Cycle: Two Years of Happiness

Two years ago on January 23, 2008, I started Sprite's Keeper.

Two years! Most blogs make and break within 6 months! I think I qualify for an AARP membership now!

(At least a discount at the movies??)

It's hard to believe that it's been 2 years because I can remember writing most of these posts (although I can look back at some and completely forget what I wrote and then scratch my head as I read it and wonder how a certain phrase came from me) and poems and photo essays and oh, my holy Internet!, the evidence is stacked against me should I ever be arrested. (You'd bail me out, right?) 

But I love it. I love it almost as much as I love John and Sprite. It seriously makes me happy. The word play makes me happy. You make me happy, even you lurkers make me happy. Visiting other blogs makes me happy. Being a part of this community where your thoughts are so much more important than your looks, oh, that makes me SO happy.

So, 830 posts in and as many as I can get away with (before Typepad finally wises up and shuts me down for polluting the electronic environment with my cache of crap) to go, all I can say is thank you for the memories.

 

(Photo by Seequent Photography)

And thank you Sprite, for continuing to inspire my imagination. Some day, I'll pay you back for it. (At least you know where I live..)
 

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Happiness just resonates from these smiling Spinners!

Libby over at Libby's Logic

Kate over at Daily Recommended Dose 

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher 

Erin over at Only A Movie 

Laufa over at Morgan Madness 

Ruby over at Ruby's Looking Glass -New to the Spin Cycle!

Rachel over at The Ramblings of Rachel 

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert 

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar 

Mrs. Bear over at Outnumbered Two To One 

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -She's happy x 2!

Vandy over at The Testosterone Three and Me 

Gretchen over at Second Blooming 

Patty over at Pancakes Gone Awry 

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts 

Jenboglass over at Steenky Bee 

Meowmie over at Meowmie's Weblog -New to the Spin Cycle!

Ginny Marie over at Lemon Drop Pie -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

The South Dakota Cowgirl over at The South Dakota Cowgirl -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Casey over at Half As Good As You -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs... -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Ginger over at When Ginger Snaps... -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Andrea over at Gathering.Dust -Updated Sunday! Fresh Spin!

Make sure you stop by and say hi. Make their day!

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Next week's Spin Assignment: Pet peeves.

Yes, we've done this topic before, but over a year ago! Therefore, if you haven't seen it before, it's new to you! (The Statute of Limitations is 5 years on stealing NBC's catchphrase for Must See TV, but they're so busy blocking hate mail from the Conan/Leno show off/blow off, I could pitch my own show to them right now and they'll just say, "As long as it's a drama, you can have Wednesday night." And then I'll use that time slot to begin my evil plot of taking over the world!) (Wow, that tangent was so far off the topic, and WAY too revealing..)

John's status on Facebook this week read: "It's me TOO not TO people! I must be the only one this bothers..."

No, John, you're not alone. "They're" and "their" annoys me to no end.

So what annoys you? What little spurs of life dig into your heels? Does lip smacking make you want to smack back? Maybe someone who laughs in their throat instead of opening their mouth so it sounds like they're choking on a small marsupial when they're actually just gagging on their own guffaw? Does that piss you off just a little?

Whatever it is, poke some fun at it! (The use of sticks IS allowed.) (Thanks, Mama Badger!)

Spin it up and lighten your burden! Maybe your eye will even stop twitching..

See you next week on the Spin Cycle!

Spidey Senses A-tingling

(Yeah. I did it again. I let two posts go live at the same time yesterday. After making that mistake just last Wednesday.  I must be really busy or really dizzy. John claims it's the latter. So here! A re-post of yesterday's mis-post! And tomorrow's a Spin Cycle post so you know that will be new! I'm going back to sleep now...)

"Daddy!"

My eyes caught the red lights of the monitor streaming up as her voice sounded again. "Daddy!"

It was almost ten. The later she fell asleep the worse she was in the morning. I decided to ignore it and hope she would settle down again.

"Spider! Daddy!"

Huh? I abandoned the laptop and left my room. Spider? I came close to her french doors and looked through the glass panes to see my little girl sitting up in bed and pointing toward my general direction.

"Spider!" she cried, her voice muffled by the closed doors. I looked down to her carpet, not noticing anything other than the toys we neglected to "put away" at bedtime.

"Spider!" Her voice urgent, she kept flinging her finger out. "Itsa buggie!"

I canvassed the area nearer to me and noticed a small movement. Well, crap. There it was. A huge spider. Big enough to fit the palm of my hand. Big enough to grow two sizes before I would stop thinking about it.

I did not open the door. "John!" I called. "Come to Sprite's room and bring a shoe!"

He exited his office. "What are you-" He stopped speaking as he took in my position. I was in "flight or fight" mode and I was ready to abandon ship. "What is it?"

"Big spider, by Sprite's hamper. In front of a book."

John looked to where I was pointing and removed his shoe. "Well, damn." (When John curses at an insect, you know it's big.) Walking over to the door, he shooed Blue and Harry, who were more interested in witnessing the commotion than eating, he opened it and let himself in quietly, so as not to alarm the arachnid who was right now waging a eight-legged battle on Sprite's Elmo.

"Kill it!" Sprite shouted, still esconsed in her sheets, safe from harm.

John dispatched the foe quickly, drawing applause from its alleged intended victim.

As he walked out with its remains scrunched in a tissue, he tossed back, "She's just like you, you know."

I shuddered once more for good measure. "At least she knows you'll take care of it."

I looked back over to Sprite who attempted to shake off her own creepy crawlies while smiling at me.

"Sprite, what do you do when you see a spider?"

"Call Daddy," she nodded.

Amen.

Kicking the Kid Back To Their Krib, TODAY on Sprite's Keeper!

Que theme music!

(If I look back on the past couple of months and how many times I've made self important comments on this site, it would most likely be justifiable for an intervention.) (That is, if I had a problem.) (I DON'T have a problem. I said "if".)

You've all read my rants about sharing a bed with Sprite. The kid seems to think a sleeping Mommy is a jungle gym Mommy and she can't decide if I best embody a slide or a sandbox for she's either straddling my hips or digging her feet into my side right as I hit REM.

Luckily though, John and I have been extremely lucky (Have I mentioned that we're lucky?) in the case of "To Co-sleep or not to Co-sleep: Three in the Bed Or Nights Filled with Dread?" since we enjoy having the bed to ourselves and take advantage of the late night to talk or watch the utterly hysterical Conan O'Brien, but now that he's off the air, we may just end up having sex more. See, CoCo? See what you're ultimately responsible for? An upsurge in childbirth! Just you wait, people. In nine months, there will be a news report regarding the baffling explosion of diaper sales.

But the point is, we can do this! Because Sprite is in HER bed, across the hall.

You're probably wondering what the hell the problem is and if this is the first time I've ever actually mentioned sex on this site before. Yes. Yes, it is.

Here's the problem:

I have a friend named, um, Patrick. Yeah. (He knows I'm sending this question out into the blogosphere, but I didn't ask for permission to use his name, so I'm covering my bases here.) PATRICK and his wife, um, Kami have a 26 month old named, er, Chelsea.

Chelsea, a beautiful blonde angel, does wonderfully when it comes to going to sleep. She gets her bath, her book, and then shoved off to bed. No issues there.

The issue lies with her waking up around 2 to 3 in the morning and coming into Mommy and Daddy's room to sleep with them or play with them. And yes, she requires that they be awake for this.

This has been consistently happening for about a week now and Patrick and Kami are both tired. SO tired.

One would think that maybe Chelsea wanted a late night snack and was heading to the kitchen to score some Cheerios, or maybe wanted to catch the latest Tivo'd episode of Sesame Street without Mommy and Daddy yelling to "Step away from the tv! Stop touching the screen!" but no, she makes a beeline for their bed and wants in on their sleepfest.

I made the suggestion of locking her in her room at night. Yes, we do this with Sprite. The child safety knob cover is on the inside of her door since the only room we absolutely trust her in is hers. Plus, the monitor stays on so we know if she's planning something dastardly. Patrick's answering look, you know the look, the "I think you're off your rocker, but I'm not going to voice my opinion, I'll just step back a little farther away in case your brand of crazy is contagious" look?, told me he didn't feel that would be a valid option for their situation.

Basically, he's looking for possible things they can do to keep Chelsea in her bed during the wee hours of the morning. (Am I the only one who calls it the wee-wee hours? Because I ALWAYS have to pee around three... Huh.) Her crib is a convertible so the fourth wall has been removed and she can climb in and out at will. And apparently, she's either not afraid of the dark or VERY determined to get to her parents' room since roaming around the dark house doesn't seem to phase her in the least. They don't want to cage her back into a crib, but they are worried about her safety when she decides moonlight is the best time for a stroll and they want her to WANT to stay put.

Here's where you come in, ye Internet Parental Prodigies. Do you have a child or did you have a child who was prone to picking everyone's bed except their own to snooze into the sunlight? Is there or was there a certain technique you used to keep them from invading your sacred sleep?

I would love to hear these myself since Sprite is actually a really good sleeper. She fights us tooth and nail and uses every stall tactic in her arsenal to DELAY sleep, but once she's under, she's out until we wake her up. And then she gives us a problem on the flip side since she's clearly not a morning person. (Unless it's the weekend. The she's magically perky at 7 freaking AM.)

But this is not about me! Please help Peter, I mean, Patrick and his lovely wife out!

Sometimes I need to be reminded that I'm grateful. And some people just need a swift kick in their morals.

Facebook is becoming toxic.

Just this afternoon, I logged on and found on the Live Feed this status update:

"SHAME on you America: the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, mentally ill without treatment, & military without support in the middle east - yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations?! 99% of people won't have the GUTS to copy and repost this"

I am starting to see these pop up more and more, the cynical opinion of someone who doesn't like the community uprising to help another community in need. Unfortunately though, this isn't the person's opinion, it's a re-post they adopted and strung up in a manner to show everyone "Look at me! I can swim against the tide!" Instead, it shows others like me that it's meant to impress that this person is not only not thinking for themselves, they are allowing their virtual mouths to spew someone else's words of ignorance.

I am well aware of this country's situation and the poverty that is just outside our doors. I find it hard to believe that a majority of us are not feeling the hot breath of the recession just beyond our safety zones, fearful of it closing in and striking to steal away whatever we may have built with the loss of a job or a mortgage we just can't sustain any longer since the economy can't sustain us. I live in fear of it myself. And unless you're sitting on a pile of cash right now, you probably are as well.

But we have programs. We have possibilities. We have opportunities. And yes, we have shelters. Most of all, we have a way of obtaining food, medicine, and warmth through channels. Haiti was without most of this BEFORE the earthquake.

I commented on this person's status, mostly because I can't help myself, but also because I felt I had the guts to tell her what I thought about "her" opinion:

"Granted, we need to internalize some of our charity, but I think at this moment right now, the people of Haiti are in greater need of emergency medicines, food, supplies. Have you seen the news? The destruction? The reduction from almost nothing to less than nothing?"

I'm pretty sure she watches the news. I'm also pretty sure she feels this status will show her patriotic side. Funny, I felt pretty damn patriotic when I saw the tally that America had been able to gather in an effort to help Haiti.

I'm taking a page from the book of John. I'm un-friending her immediately along with any other people who copy and paste these "re-posts". She reminded me that I am grateful to be where I am, have what I have. I'm grateful to give what I can. She also reminded me that ignorance is very much alive and well and thrives within those who don't look at all sides of the issue before casting judgement.

UPDATE* Maybe it is a good thing to defend those who need it. She took down her status. Maybe we should ALL start speaking out more against injustice and ignorance. Being one of the quiet will only make the haters' voices louder. Raise your voice. Start a new trend.

This RTT is going culinary!

I finally started using my Pioneer Woman cookbook, something I had been wanting for a while and John ended my torture of waiting by sticking it under the tree. I've made recipes off of her site before since the pictorial aids are ever so helpful to make sure your ongoing dish is SUPPOSED to look like that. (Yet the finished product, while tasting like heaven, always misses the mark visually.)

I told John to pick out a recipe for Saturday's meal and a dessert since Cheat Day is still welcome in our home even if I haven't been able to step on the treadmill all year. (Makes it seem so much longer than 3 + weeks, right? Maybe it will convince me it's time to get reacquainted since stepping on the scale hasn't proven effective.) So he picked out comfort meatballs, creamy rosemary potatoes, and oatmeal crispies. Yes, three. Three separate entities made from scratch.

I was in for an entire day of kitchen related pratfalls.

If you are a fan of the Pioneer Woman and her cooking, here are some warnings:

1. There is no such thing as a one pot recipe. (Our dishwasher has been broken for the past week and a half and is not looking fixable until this Saturday when the repairman comes. I knew making these dishes would up the ante of dishpan hands, but still forged ahead. My intelligence should not be questioned as my stupidity has been proven a LONG TIME AGO. Seriously, how long have you been reading this site anyway?)

2. There is no such thing as low fat. Get to know thy butter or shortening for they will be making more than a cameo appearance in these recipes.  You are not doing your diet any favors by cooking her way, but they are oh, so good. So, don't really consider this one a warning, more like a forewarning. Which is still a warning...

And we're walking..

3. There is no such thing as "Serves Two". Be prepared for a lot of leftovers. Please don't forget, Pioneer Woman, Ree, Can I call her Ree?, lives on a ranch where food needs to be filling, hearty, and neverending. Cooking for John, myself, and a picky toddler who has to be told that any brown meat is "sausage" (turkey sausage) (you were wondering..) and any white meat is a "naked chicken nugget" to even consider placing it in her mouth meant tupperware on standby. But John resolved that little dilemna simply. He tossed it all out. He's crazy, you say! How could he throw away so much food when there's countries in peril and starving people all over this world? How wasteful! Well, hear me out. Both John and I rely on clean eating, lowfat eating, watching our calories, basically nothing fun for the majority of the week. Having these leftovers in the house meant a lot of temptation and the best defense is to take out the offense, even if it is yummy. (Plus, the dogs got some of the meatballs, so it wasn't exactly wasteful and the potatoes didn't scream on their way to the trash.) (And we donated to Haiti's relief efforts, so I think we're okay.)

4. These recipes will make you forget yourself. The oatmeal crispies may possibly be the best cookie I have ever tasted. This was a bad thing since we made half the batch on Saturday night and it was gone by Sunday afternoon. (Reminder to self, this should hopefully increase your odds of getting back on the Nord, since you've been a bad, bad girl.) I still had a sleeve worthy of up to 20 small cookies in the freezer, but they were so accessible and so very delicious, that I baked them up Sunday night, gave one to Sprite, may have tasted a few myself to confirm they were okay, (NORD! TONIGHT!) and then stupidly offered one to John who refused it by saying, "I'm being good." (I hated him for a second there..and then ate his cookie.) (Screw tonight. I'm leaving work early. Nord! Here I come!) So I bagged them all up and brought them to Sprite's daycare yesterday morning to hand them off to the teacher so the kiddies can deal with the calories.

We have ultimately decided to make one of her recipes once every two months since our diets and our grocery list cannot handle it more often. And invite guests to keep the leftovers out of our love handles. (Debbie? Trevor? You're on notice!) But oh, so good!

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Speaking of culinary mysteries, I used four minced cloves of fresh garlic in the potato dish, and four days later, I am STILL smelling it! I didn't know garlic comes out of your sweat glands. No, wait, I did. I just didn't care when I was looking forward to a potato side that involved melting cream cheese. Cream cheese, people! TELL ME it was a sin! Because I felt GUILTY.

Last night, while settling into bed, I turned to John and asked, "Do you smell garlic?"

"No."

"I feel like I'm reeking of garlic."

"Are you pregnant?"

"No?"

"Then I don't know why you're smelling it."

"What does garlic have to do with pregnancy?"

"Good night, Jen."

I think he meant to do that for I've been Googling garlic and pregnancy all morning.

No, I'm not pregnant. Thanks for asking.

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Proposal for popcorn companies:

Please come out with a microwave popcorn that produces the burnt smell whether or not the popcorn is actually scorched. This will stop coworkers from blaming the one person who is always stinking up the office (I swear, I watched it closely! It was still making the popping noise when the timer buzzed!) and even discourage dieters for mooching off someone's stash since noone wants to follow THAT smell, right? Get on that, will you?

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Tomorrow, I'll be seeking advice from the parental side of this site. Please stop back and help me out, or help out the poor schlub I'm trying to help out since Sprite decided to make our lives bearable in this respect so I have no assvice to give of my own.

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"Mommy! Look! It's a cow!"

I walked into the bathroom where John was supervising her bath while neatening his shave. I looked over to see Sprite's right middle finger upright and prominent against the rest of her clutched fist as she waved it through the air.

"It's a cow!" she repeated.

I lost control of the giggle as John saw the crime and laughed himself in disbelief.

"A flying cow! Mooo!"

"Looks more like a bird to me," I mentioned to my still doubled over husband.

When do you think I should start telling her that holding up her middle finger does not count as the number "one" anymore?

Keely will always think you're number one, so head on over to The Un Mom so she can show you! And check out the other Randomizers! Like you have anything better to do today?

Good Boy

"Sprite, stop cornering Harry!"

I stepped behind her, her own back never turning, as she stared down at the snarling terrier. This would not end well.

Sprite has been Harry's nemesis for years now, taking on the title of foe right around the time she began crawling and he realized she was coming after HIM. Blue, our beagle, could care less about how heavy handed her love is, as long as she gets love, she'll take it in whatever form. Harry though? He's smart. And has a Napoleon complex, so his ego is pretty big too.

His eyes locked on her, Harry continued growling as I grabbed Sprite's arm and pulled the laughing child out of his personal space and turned her to face me. "Sprite, you know he doesn't like that."

Sprite's eyes danced with mirth, her plan of attack still not aborted. "Harry needs a hug!" She then pulled away from me to face her opponent once more.

Harry showed his teeth now, not happy with her refusal to back down.

I needed to do something or he would have a coronary with the stress of it all. But what? Strong-arm her out of the kitchen?

"Harry, bad boy!"

Sprite whirled around to look at me. I didn't meet her eyes as I put on my best mean face and berated the dog for basically sitting there. "Harry, that was very naughty! Go to time out!"

Harry hung his head and moved out of the kitchen, heading for the entry rug where Sprite usually spends her solitary confinement. He then sat gingerly, looking back up at me.

The damn dog had gone to time out!

At a loss for what to do next, I just pointed at him. "Three minutes."

Sprite, not wanting to associate with the canine criminal since that would mean getting intimate with the time out mat, moved on to wrangling Blue as Harry stayed within the "prison walls" and yawned, finally safe.

"You're welcome," I remarked, walking back into the kitchen to start dinner, pausing quickly by my purse to grab the camera and document the moment for prosperity's sake, and the fact that John would surely not believe it when I told him.

Good boy, Harry.
 

Spin Cycle: Happy Happy Joy Joy

I don't know about you, but Fridays make me very happy!

And so do Spins!

Libby over at Libby's Logic

Kate over at Daily Recommended Dose -Updated Sunday!

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher -Updated Sunday!

Erin over at Only A Movie -Updated Sunday!

Laufa over at Morgan Madness -Updated Monday!

Ruby over at Ruby's Looking Glass -Updated Monday! New to the Spin Cycle!

Rachel over at The Ramblings of Rachel -Updated Monday!

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert -Updated Tuesday!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -Updated Tuesday!

Mrs. Bear over at Outnumbered Two To One -Updated Wednesday!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -Updated Wednesday! She's happy x 2!

Vandy over at The Testosterone Three and Me -Updated Wednesday!

Gretchen over at Second Blooming -Updated Monday! Linked Wednesday! Because I obviously cannot be trusted with my comments section! Bad Keeper! (Sometimes, the forum host needs a swift kick in reminders, know what I mean?)

Patty over at Pancakes Gone Awry -Updated Wednesday!

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts -Updated Thursday!

Jenboglass over at Steenky Bee -Updated Thursday!

Meowmie over at Meowmie's Weblog -Updated Thursday! New to the Spin Cycle!

Remember, you have until the 29th to get those Spins filled with smiles into my comments section cuz missing out would just be sad..

Spin Cycle: It matters not what you think, it's what you say that counts (against you).

I may land myself in a bit of trouble for posting this, but it STILL bothers me after two weeks. I have a friend that I've known for over a decade, nice guy married to someone I adore, all the good stuff. He's known for having a quick comeback, can whip up a sense of humor with the best of them, and never refrains from adding his two cents to the topic of whatever's on the table. I respect all of this about him until it happened.

He posted a status about The Biggest Loser, (please understand, I'm paraphrasing here as directly quoting him in entirety when he is unaware of this post would not be fair to him) (I am also being pretty generous in regards to his comments to give him the benefit of the doubt) and how he didn't understand how a 526 lb person could be rewarded with a game show just for being that heavy. He wrote that the person should first recognize that they are "a giant piece of lard" and it is their fault that people make fun of them since they were past any sympathy around the 300 lb range and "now it's just disgusting".

I was appalled at his lack of humanity in this "opinion" and told him so in the comments section, 6th in line after the first four added their own humor or agreement to his post and the fifth, while kind of defending the very people he had lambasted, threw in her own insult to obese people. I didn't mind being the cold splash of water on this hot topic, not really due to my own history with weight issues, but due to the fact that it was just plain mean and I felt the need to say something about it.

I've always understood the fine line that Facebook statuses offer. You can have the chance to let your friends know what you're doing or deliver a one liner that makes you giggle. But what happens when you write under 50 words that will not only wield a sharp (toxic, in my opinion) point but possibly alienates half your "friends" list? We all know what the statistics of obesity are in this country. Almost everyone takes umbrage at being labeled "fat" while most of us still do not fall into the clinically approved vision of BMI. Yet, those very people now have access to his "opinion". His opinion is now part of his "history", online at least. I would hate to think how many business associates would look at that history and question his morality and motives.

He did defend himself in the comments, saying that he didn't have sympathy for people who care so little about themselves. He cited his own experience with weight gain and loss, but it failed to give any credence to the sword he'd already thrust into the ground, severing the respect I had for him.

John was a little less eloquent (or is it more?) about his opinion for this issue. He just un-friended him right after reading it, saving his choice words of what he really thought for my ears alone.

In my opinion, sometimes your actions speak louder than your words. I guess that makes John a man of action.

I love that man. Not opinion. Fact.

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IMHO (Do you know how long it took me to realize what the acronym was? I STILL text longhand!), there are amazing Spins on the list this week!

Libby over at Libby's Logic

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher 

Cristin over at Tiptoeing Through The Tulips 

Kate over at Recommended Daily Dose 

Maureen over at IslandRoar 

Kathy over at My Space..My Blog...My Life... -New to the Spin Cycle!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar 

The South Dakota Cowgirl over at The South Dakota Cowgirl 

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts 

Laufa over at Morgan Madness 

Patty over at Pancakes Gone Awry 

Gretchen over at Second Blooming 

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs... -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Vandy over at The Testosterone Three and Me -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Elie Belen over at Distracting Minutia -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Andrea over at Gathering.Dust -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

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Next Week's Spin Assignment: Happiness.

Sure, we've done Spins on Happiness before, but it's been so long, let's do it again! What makes you happy? Who makes you happy? Is happiness really a state of mind or can you buy it?

Let's disect the meaning of happiness and then poke it with a stick for a while. (Fun!)

Spin it up and send it with a smile over here by January 29th!

You know what would make me happy? Beginning that last question with the word "Do"..

It's Not Supposed To Make Sense

(I found this in the archives while going through my yearly cleanse of posts. I wrote this back in April when Sprite's vocabulary clearly wasn't so advanced. If she were to ask for anything now, she'll not only announce the brand, she'll dictate the colors of the packaging, and offer to climb the shelves herself to save you the trip to the kitchen.)

(Second note: I accidentally published this yesterday and it was immediately buried by the Frost post. So I am giving it a chance to breathe in its own spotlight and give me a day off from posting. Seems that tomorrow's opinion piece is making me WORK for it. Sigh. Stupid conscience...)

("Breathe in it's own spotlight"? Am I seriously that egotistical? Damn. Next thing you know, I'll start running ads..)

(..... Never mind.)

"Two!"

"What do you want, Sprite?"

"Two!"

"What are you pointing at?"

"Uhhhh!"

"What, crackers?"

"Clacklers?"

"Okay, here's crackers."

"Two!"

"Fine, two crackers."

"Two!"

"What else are you pointing at?"

"TWO!"

"No, you've got crackers. You're done."

"Toooohoooohoooo!!!!"

"Jen, what the hell does she want?"

I look over my shoulder into the kitchen. Sprite is on the floor in full-out tantrum, her head making contact with the wood planks, her arms splayed out to the sides making the cracker in each paw ripe for picking.... and Blue siezes the opportunity to snatch a treat out of Sprite's left hand while Harry zones in for the kill on the other one.

Sprite looks down at her now empty hands and starts a fresh wave of woe. "Two!"

John looks back at me with a "See what just happened?!" wave of his arm.

"Apparently, she wants two."

"Of what?"

"Of whatever you didn't give her."

His answering look made perfect sense.
 

Frostbite me, Florida

(I took the pictures, but I wasn't going to post anything until Michele of It's A Dog's Life fame and fortune, don't let her thriftiness fool you, the woman is LOADED (with knowledge), sent up the command for us to show our snowed in, on, around or comparable photos. I had to do it, mostly because I do whatever she says as referenced here. And you can blame her for it when you realize that my snark is just not that funny when your toes are in danger of hypothermia and I'm walking around in open-toed sandals.)

Florida has frost!!

Look!

 

(That ain't dust, y'all.)

Look at all that "snow"! I think that if we ran around the neighborhood and scraped all the ice off the windshields of the other cars, we'd have enough for a snow marble! And probably a visit from a police officer for possibly violating trespassing laws. Again.

 

Our lawn in all it's icy glory! (Someone forget to turn off the sprinklers?) (John made the comment that it looks like sand in some of the patches, but this is really ice!) (ICE!!!!) (And not from the freezer!)

 

Okay, so I get a little giddy. (And judging by the fact that we found this garbage can five doors down later that afternoon, the trash collectors thought us a little trivial as well.)

Of course, this Florida-wide freeze has turned a lot of locals into veteran snow blowers as of late. (Make whatever connections you want out of that term snow blower. I was completely innocent in my decision to use it, but if your way is funnier, well, comedy always supercedes whatever intentions I may have had.) Everyone has been walking around complaining and harumphing about the weather, the bitter bite to the wind, the antithesis of everything Florida is supposed to embrace, including never having to turn on the heat or defrost your windshield, or heaven forbid, wear gloves? (Wikipedia may have been used in determining the true meaning of gloves versus mittens because, HELLO! FLORIDA!)

The governor was THISCLOSE to calling a state of emergency for us Sunshine stater's, which is something they always do whenever a hurricane dares to wink its eye in our direction yet is still chasing its own tail near Africa, but decided to let us make our own decisions as to whether or not we should add just one more blanket to the bed for a week or so.

All of my Floridian friends on Facebook have been kvetching with status updates like "It's too cold!", "It's freezing!", "It's too cold!", and my personal favorite, "When New Yorkers decided to come down here, they didn't need to bring the weather!". Of course, reading the comments section has proven a lot of fun when the Northerners use the opportunity to say, "Suck it up!", "How do you think WE feel?", "65 degrees for a high? My ASS is colder than that on a good day in Wisconsin!", or the increasingly popular "Where's the dislike button?". I have been keeping my words to myself, mostly out of respect for those who just need to stick their drinks outside to keep them cool, but also because I might get a virtual snowball aimed at my wall and I like to be more passive agressive when rubbing my location in other peoples'  already wind burned noses.

Instead, I meekly turned on my heat every night, cuddled under my quilt as necessary, and bundled Sprite up for her thirty second exposure to the frigid atmosphere between the car and the daycare doors before having to unwrap her in the heated classroom. Like any true Floridian would.

Now, we're back to a normal January trend, highs in the 70's, lows in the 60's, and the heat of every Northerner's hatred keeping us warm into Spring. 

How's YOUR weather?