Warning: This post has curse words, because it's just funnier that way.

Black Friday, 2009

My eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the pitch black as I checked my mental time. The numbers flashed a big imaginative 12:00, in red. I fumbled for my glasses and stumbled off the air mattress to turn on the room light to compare my malfunctioning inner clock with the real one.

3:45.

I squinted. Yup, 3:45 AM.

We were late.

(Now, here is where I pause to tell you that I am notorious for cursing when I wake up and realize I'm late. The handful of mornings a year when John hits the Snooze a few too many times, he shakes me awake and only has to say what time it is and I respond with:

"Shit! Fuck! Shit! Shit!"

EVERY TIME.

I could say he sometimes wakes me with the notion that we're late just to get the reaction, but he knows I would hurt him if that was remotely true..)

I opened the door and left my old childhood bedroom, on a course for my parents' room at the other end of the hall, the gap beneath the door dark, confirming my mother had slept in as well.

We were supposed to meet my aunt and cousin at 3. They would be worried.

I knocked timidly on the door, a little reluctant to just barge in. Sure, they're my parents, but heaven forbid I interrupt something? That's a one way ticket to therapy right there.

Not hearing anything, I knocked harder. Still nothing. Giving them an extra five seconds to get some form of decent, I opened the door and entered.

"Dad?"

No movement. I called his name a little louder, long aware that he is the more calm ariser. My mother is like my sister and me. If you startle her out of slumber, she hits the ceiling.

Finally, my voice made it into his dreams and he sat up a little. "Jen?"

"We overslept. It's 3:45."

"Oh." He nudged my mom a bit. "Fran?"

"Hm?"

"It's 3:45. You were supposed to be at the mall at 3."

I could see her eyes widen in the dimness of the dark room, processing his words, before she opened her mouth and said,

"Shit! Fuck! Shit! Shit!"

I knew I had learned it somewhere.

(Because we're amazingly organized, we actually made it to the mall by 4:30 AM to join our partners in credit crime. It was pretty obvious that the crowds just weren't there since we didn't have to wait ONCE in line and got through all of the stores we wanted to hit by Noon.

Yes, my shopping is almost done, at least the kids are..)

Comments

[Rachel]

Well! You may not believe this, but on Black Friday I was awoken at exactly 3:45 by my phone. It was my mom calling me because I was supposed to pick her up at 3:15. I have never ever been late for Black Friday before. I don't say those words, but they're pretty much what I was thinking!

P.S., even though we got what we wanted, all the people must have come over to this side of the coast. It was crazy! Although surprisingly genteel. I didn't see one person get a black eye this year.

[Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)]

It WAS funnier that way. Especially since you had the revelation of where you learned the 'late wakeup' verbiage. ;) LOVE it!

I think I may brave Black Friday next year, just to see if it's as 'calm' as it seems to have gotten the last couple of years. Hopefully I'll be able to ditch Murphy and his Law. ;)

[Michele]

The only reason I get up at 3:45 is to sponge off from night sweats (menopause sucks BTW) and go to the bathroom. I am not fit company at that hour.

Congrats on the shopping.

[Jan]

ROFLMAO @ Michele!

Ditto.

[kyooty]

hehehe I do that too!

[Laufa]

Congrats on the shopping and beating the crowds. Apparently the shopping here in IN is much more of a sport. People getting in fights before and during the shopping hours.

[Cid]

Reminds me of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and Funeral. "Fuck, bugger, bugger, fuck" sounds so much cuter with a British accent.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

You crack me up!
Wise to knock several times on your parents door, no matter their age.
When I was 22, working, independent, but just before I got my own place, I once knocked and walked in to say good nite...
Let's just leave it at that.

[Mama Badger]

Yeh, I'm just not that into shopping. I would have swore just because I had agreed to that. Glad to hear you made it for the shopping, though. You're early, too, though. Let's see if you can resist buying more than you need now! (doesn't sprite want that pony?)

[mrsbear]

Gah. I'm still reeling at a 3 am shopping date.

I'm the same way when I oversleep though, instant panic...and the subsequent profanity. They go hand in hand.

I hope you got something reeeelly good.

[K]

I think I'd curse if somebody work me up at 3:45 - even if I wasn't late.

Black Friday is such an adventure.

[Arwen]

Cngratulations on finding not-so-packed stores. My husband is the Black Friday fiend in our family. He wasn't going to go this year, but he decided to try Walmart. Then he gave up and came home because it was so insane. We hit few stores later in the day (that's got to be the only day of the year 9AM qualifies as "later in the day"). We even ran into long lines at Army Navy Surplus. Army Navy Surplus. Fortunately, most everyone was friendly, and they agreed that was the last place they had expected lines.

If you want to read a truly hilarious Black Friday tale:

http://leni-m.blogspot.com/2009/11/black-friday-cautionary-tale.html

[Mama Badger]

Here's the spin. http://outoftheboondocks.blogspot.com/2009/12/spin-cycle-christmas-letters.html

[lisleman]

I'll never get it - black friday and arm wrestling shopping. Comment above says it's an adventure. Not the word that would come to mind for me. Is it a contest for the shoppers? I read a comment in the paper (I read articles not ads BTW) that a woman enjoyed the bigger crowds in the past. - what? You like pushing and shoving? Go visit a big city and ride the subway.

[Erin@TheLocals Love It]

Black Friday and me will never be one. I just don't have it in me. I admire your determination.

[Heather]

LMAO!! Like mother, like daughter!

Michele up there, hit the nail on the head or should I say the cloth to the forehead!

[Casey]

Wow, you dropped the F bomb on your blog, I'm so proud of you!

And OMG, what are you thinking waking up that early to shop? You're NUTS! I did mine online cause I'm lazy and hate people.

And Baba with the potty mouth. Ha!

[Kristina]

Ha ha ha ha. I love your mom.