When Parenthood Becomes a Spectator Sport

"Happy birthday, dear Kayla, happy birthday to you!"

Birthday season has officially begun.

Sprite has a close circle of friends she has known since the Infant room at our daycare center. There's four in all, these kids whose journeys into the world all fall within weeks of each other. Kayla is the oldest, Sprite the youngest. (It still confuses me that a mere 21 day span can qualify age rank, but then we're still counting in months, aren't we?) (Okay, I'm not counting in months, but it's mostly because I haven't been able to keep up with the equation since she turned two.)

We arrived at the park to celebrate Kayla's initiation to the number Three in style. (She wanted a "dog" party. She got one.) Of course, I had my camera to capture the invariable milestones of our children celebrating another year of life together and us as parents doing the same.

We sang the songs, chased some balls, ate the cake, and even made a teddy bear. (Instant party favor. Kayla's mom ROCKS.) Sprite even got to witness her first public present opening. (With only an initial refusal to believe that none of these gaily wrapped items were hers to have.) (Of course, promising her that HER birthday party would be soon was what ended that war.)

The weather cooperated, the parents chatted, the kids played, it was a wonderful day.

I uploaded my photos the very next morning and looked over the evidence of our merriment. And realized something.

Almost every picture I took of Sprite or her friends at the party were from a distance. Snapshots of Sprite and her friend Logan picking wildflowers (weeds), a great action shot of Sprite and other friends tackling a willing dad (not John) in the open field, Sprite and others gathered around the birthday girl, trying for a first peek at what she was unwrapping, eating lunch with her friends. None of these events involved John or me or really any of the parents. The adults were left to fend for themselves, only being called when food, drink, or the occasional potty break was requested. Sure, a few of us got involved in the fun play, especially when the kids got curious with the 3 foot high cliff overlooking the lake nearby, but mostly, we weren't needed to make the play...fun. Anymore.

In fact, thinking back to the last couple of months, I can see why I've been able to get so much cleaning done during the evenings when it's just Sprite and me. She doesn't ask for me to play every game with her anymore.

It almost feels as if my involvement in her everyday life has become more of a view from the stands.

Where I used to clean her up after a diaper event, she now only requires supervision and the occasional help with wiping. (But she's more than willing to entrust me with the clean up efforts after she's done her part.) ("That potty isn't going to flush itself, Sprite." "YOU do it, Mommy.")

Feeding her dinner has been reduced from lifting the spoon to her mouth to serving the meal and the repeated reminder that the meat should also be consumed, not just the vegetables and fruits. (And yet she survives... Medical mystery indeed.) (At least Michele would be proud of her promising Vegan lifestyle.)

Dressing her has gone from picking out her outfit and physically stuffing her into sleeves and what-not to "I do it!", my only involvement being verbal. "Wrong foot, Sprite." "One leg in each hole, Sprite." "No, pants are not very comfortable on your head." "No, you may not wear your nightgown to school." "Oh, for heaven's sake, you are making me LATE, child!"

Even bedtime has suffered. She doesn't want a book anymore. She wants "Daddy's phone" before she shoos us away for the night, relying instead on toddler games and the occasional sneaking of "Dumbo" which is conveniently saved on John's video file. (Apparently, she's become so good at handling his iPhone, she even reconfigured the settings and locked John out of it, of course forgetting the passcode since two year olds are only hardwired to remember things like their names, their desires, every Princess's name and occupation, and any bribes you promised months ago. John had to wipe out and reinstall a majority of the applications he had saved on there.)

She really is becoming her own person, isn't she?

That was a hypothetial, folks. I know she is. She reminds me every day..

Comments

[Michele]

I am so proud. Go Veggie Sprite!

They grow up very quickly and while it is sad it is also very gratifying to know that you are raising someone who will become such an independent and capable woman.

[WickedStepMom]

Can you teach me the trick of getting them to actually eat the vegetables? Please, I am desperate!!

P.S. I am still glad I missed out on the potty training!

[Jan]

I had (and have) the exact opposite problem with The Young One.

"See these? They are fruits and vegetables. They are essential to your health. Man cannot live on pizza and Pop Tarts alone, and neither can teenage boys..."

I'm jealous.

[Julie W]

Awww, this stage is quickly approaching for me. And, although I look forward to getting some things done around the house, I know I will miss my constant companion. Thank you for reminding me to cherish every minute while I still have it since it won't be long before I am no longer needed as the playmate.

[jenni]

I'm so not ready for this. YOu need another baby, STAT.

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

Great post. Got me thinking. Cherish these days!

[K]

It's bittersweet isn't it?

Part of me is thankful that parenting is getting a little less intense and part of me just wants my baby back.

[~The South Dakota Cowgirl~]

Reading this made me think about how hard it will be (someday) to be a parent. She is getting big. On some levels I'm sure you're glad and on others your probably very sad.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

You think it's bad now?
At least she'll stay in the same room; wait till she's 12...
Hysterical about her locking John's phone!

[Robin]

A master at the iPhone already? Just imagine what she'll be able to tackle in the next year! I swear these kids are going to out-tech us and be running the world waaaay too soon.
PS- Can't wait to hear all about the bday festivities! :)

[Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)]

Oh yeah...bittersweet moments for sure. And yes, I'm still looking for that 'pause' button! ;)

[Jenny]

My little one isn't so little anymore. I wish he would slow down and not grow up so fast.

[Captain Dumbass]

I've been seeing a lot of babies lately, I think my uterus twitched.

[Gretchen]

I am constantly torn between sadness that my son no longer needs me for everything, and joy that he no longer needs me for everything. I must remember to be grateful that he has a strong sense of independence - a quality that has certainly served me well through my life. But still...

[Casey]

Yup and I love it, the independence. Most days, that is. Just wait till you guys have another kid and you'll start all over again. Woot!