Welcome to the Week of Thanks! Thanks for coming!
Since the Keeper family has a lot to do in getting ready for the Holidays (capital on the H this year since Sprite now knows who Santa is and was last seen constructing a trap of sorts for the fat man when he comes for her cookies.) I'm reposting some of my tried and true Thankful themed posts. I immediately thought of this one since it was posted the Monday before Thanksgiving last year and, I have to admit, has some pretty funny lines in it. Yes, I actually get a kick out of my own writing. What? You don't go back into your Archives to peak in on some gems and wonder
What the hell was I on to come up with THAT play on words? how you thought of such genius?
So, being that we're still 2 weeks out from the next HASAY update, I thought
I definitely me Get that scale away from me! This weekend was difficult.. some of us could use some helpful reminders when we face off against the buffet table.
HASAY Week 6: Tips for the Turkey (I come bearing lists) - Originally Published November 24, 2008
Don't know what HASAY is? Click here. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Accessories sold separately.
Okay, people. This week begins the actual "Holiday Season", or in mostly everyone's case, the "Holiday Glutton". Parties usually begin around Thanksgiving and don't serve "Last Call" until after the New Year. Food is spread out for the taking and the only thing they ask in return is a pound of flesh. Or two. Or- um, put down the eggnog, please.
Diets are tested, insulin levels are challenged, the effects of tryptophan, you know, triple. Cookies and candies and cakes become a common sight everywhere from the office to your doctor's office to the post office to your home to your fridge...and dude, it's 3 in the morning. Show some restraint!
It's tough out there. Sweaters, meant for hiding your skin from the cold, serve double duty to hide the extra skin that came a caroling as well.
Where does HASAY fit in all this? (Heh heh, get it? FIT?) (What?)
I've had a couple of temptations lately, the next one being Tuesday for our office's Thanksgiving brunch (Oh yeah, can someone remind me? I'm supposed to bring my griddle tomorrow to make pancakes. Not me making the pancakes. They're using the griddle, not me. I mean, we all know what I'm capable of, right?) and then of course, Thanksgiving itself.
I'm pretty good about staying away from the bad things and keeping my cheating down to a "treating" once a week. I usually reserve these treats for Saturdays when I'm not stressed with work, I don't have to exercise, and I can enjoy myself. The rest of the week? Get your bread the hell away from me.
Of course, this week, my treat will be used for Thursday since I have not one, but two Thanksgiving dinners to attend. (More about that on Thursday.) So, John and I have talked about it and came up with our tried and true methods for indulging in the sweet and savory holiday goodies. Here they are, some you've heard before, but hey, they work!
1. Eat a small meal before going to parties. It DOES help you think twice about visiting the buffet table and keeps the nibbling to a mininum.
2. If the meal will be at the party, grab the smallest plate you can find (like the kid's cabinet? So what if Scooby Doo is staring up at you? It's still less room for Scooby Snacks!) and only use that plate for your food. The smaller the plate, the smaller the serving, the bigger the space between your belt and gut.
3. Bogart the protein and fill up on that. Trying to ration so everyone gets some turkey? Screw that! This is your waist on the line! (Get it? Waist-... Never mind.) They'll understand. After the New Year. After they've started talking to you again. Oh yeah, and the entire white meat/dark meat thing? Busted. (It's true. I heard it on the John Tesh Radio Show. Has anyone listened to it? Does it sound like he's barking his words sometimes or is it just me?)
4. Limit the alchohol. Sure, the mojitos are kick ass, but empty calories as well. They add up. Plus, when someone (always) breaks out the Trivial Pursuit game, you want to be able to recall those empty facts a bit quicker than everyone else. Being smarter than a bunch of drunk people is awesome. (I would say awesomesauce, but sauce is fattening.)
5. Indulge. Huh? What the hell kind of food limitation list is this? I said "indulge". Go to the dessert table. Pick out the one sweet you're looking forward to most and save your "points" for that. This means, you need to be good during dinner and only have a small piece. But you still get your cake! And the feeling of heaven when you swallow that bite of forbidden bliss.
6. Not a sweets person? Neither is John, really. So, he recommends limiting your servings of the side dishes which he counts as one of his vices. Mashed potatoes? Keep it down to one scoop. Small scoop. In fact, if the hosting couple has a little girl who has an Easy Bake oven or fake food utensils, use HER scoop. That way, you have some potatoes, the fake scoop has an actual use in life, and the contamination you may have picked up from the Chinese made scoop which was probably recalled YEARS ago will only burn more calories when you're fighting off a new unknown strand of Avian flu. (Best. Diet. Ever.) (Quick! What movie is that from?)
7. Stay away from the butter! What is so wrong with naked potatoes? And broccoli? They DO have a taste, you've just been jaded by the constant use of the cow's culinary curse that you don't know a floret from a floor tile anymore. If you don't like the taste naked, then why are you eating it? (Hm?) (This also applies to the ranch dressing you drown your carrot sticks in.)
8. Drink lots of water. In fact, John says to drink two glasses of water before the food comes out. This will help fill you up a little, keep the food shoveling at bay, and lessen the chances of asking for another go round with the green bean casserole. (The fried onions fight dirty too. And give you gas. Come on, how many times can you blame it on the dog anyway? Worse, what if they don't have a dog? Blaming it on old Aunt Mildred is just evil and Santa will remember that.)
9. Exercise that day. You pretty much know your resistance is low. The force is strong with the brownie. Use the fork, Luke. So, kick your own butt hours before, take a shower, because your goal is to make conversation with family, not start family traditions over who has to invite "the smelly one" next year, and go to that party with your fork held high, knowing that the calories you burned will at least be a wash. And you can wear the same nice slimning outfit next month to the holiday party! (Washed, of course.)
10. Bring mints. It's proven somewhere, not here, that when you've just brushed your teeth or had a mint, you're less likely to eat. Something about the subliminal hint that you just cleaned your teeth, therefore the kitchen is closed. Or maybe it's about the nasty aftertaste mints give everything you eat. (Except coffee. Ever had a drink of coffee after chewing up a mint? Oh, yeah...)
So there you go. A list. You don't have to use all the tips. You've probably seen these tips plastered all over the women's magazines anyway. But, remember! When you're about to bite into a flaky piece of apple pie covered in whipped cream and caramel sauce, think about what you're eating. Think about your clothes and how you really don't want to have to work it off come January. Or just think about the children. Won't someone think of the children?
Got some tips of your own? Don't be a scrooge! Share here!
Now, if you'll excuse me, someone just placed a bowl of M&M's near my desk and I need to
go shove this list down their throat share my tips with them for holiday nibbling.