Too Smart For Strangers

"JENNIFER!"

My seven year old body froze. I was in trouble. I had pushed the limit too far. My mother stood over me, her eyes boring into my own.

My mind started chanting, Don't smile. Don't smile. I was notorious for smiling when I was in trouble, even though I did not want to egg the first party on.

"One more word out of you-"

That statement did it. My mouth, which had been gaping slightly from the fear of what could come from parental wrath, defaulted into a grin.

"That's IT! Go stand on the front porch! I don't want you in the house right now!"

I couldn't defend myself. How could one defend an unwanted smile anyway? I followed her to the front door where she rolled up the aluminum shutters of the living room window, exposing the morning light and the neighborhood kids already beginning their daily walk to school.

Seeing as the streets were already alive with others my age, she informed me to stand right in front of the window where she could see me, and then opened the door to ban me from her presence while she tried to get my sister and herself ready for the day, something I had been stalling by being, well, a punk.

I assumed the position for a few minutes, listening to her shouting for Lee to pick up the pace from within the house. My father had already left for the day, leaving our circular driveway with just my mom's car, an old station wagon.

She had told me to stand in front of the window.

It was my fault. Really.

Defiantly abandoning the rule my mother had set, I strolled over to her car and started to circle it, my thoughts replaying our fight, my unwavering devotion to not listening, and her way too harsh reaction to my not listening. I was a kid! I shouldn't be trusted to follow directions!

My pout became even more petulant as the monster formerly known as my mother grew bigger fangs in my imagination and I stalled near the car's back door, preferring to sit on the rear step bumper and watch the other kids happily chatting and grow deeper into my own mounting misery.

"Are you okay, dear?"

I looked to my right to see an older woman, I wasn't old enough to judge age, but she was definitely older than my mom at that time, walking towards me slowly. She looked to be on a morning stroll, sticking to the sidewalks as the kids darted into the street, which was mostly devoid of vehicular traffic at this time anyway.

I didn't know this woman. My mother had told me never to talk to strangers unless she was with me and gave the okay.

But I didn't care. My mother was a monster, remember? "My mom won't let me into the house."

The woman's eyes softened in reply and she crouched down in front of me to even up our heights. She looked very friendly. "Well, that's not good!" Her voice was musical even if the tone was low. I liked her. I think. "Did you do something wrong?"

I drew confidence from her response and built my iron-clad case." No, she's just being mean. She doesn't want me anymore." I watched her expression turn in my favor and the satisfaction of making my mom a bad guy was all I needed to feel better about my situation. SOMEONE was on my side!

"Now, someone must want you! Where's your daddy?"

"Working."

She smiled one more time before looking towards the house, the front window and door obscured by the size of the station wagon. "Would you like to come to my house? I promise no one will be mean to you there."

My smile came back again, this time due to my uncertainty with her proposition. "But my mom-"

"I know your mom, honey. I'll give her a call when we get to my house."

I wasn't sure this was true. My mom was friendly with most of our neighbors on the street, but since I had never seen her before, I couldn't be positive. But she didn't LOOK like a liar.. My mind spun as I remembered the children's show Winnie the Pooh, popular with kids in the early 80's. One particular episode centered solely on stranger danger, and the many lies told to lure kids out of their safe surroundings. The truth was, I didn't want to leave my house. Yes, I wanted to get my mom back, but I didn't want to leave her.

"No. That's okay," I answered, already standing up and moving toward the sanctuary of my home.

"JENNIFER!"

Startled by my mother's angry voice, no doubt fired up by my visual absense, I ran toward the front door as the friendly woman straightened up and moved on without looking back.

I never saw her again.

I strongly doubt my mother knew her.

This story should help others understand why I tend to be over-neurotic with my daughter in public places, especially living in Florida where abductions happen all too often and Amber alerts are a common text on my cell phone. Watch your kids and how they interact with strangers. Teach them the contradictions:

It's OKAY to be rude to strangers. Just walk away. If they follow you, scream, run, draw attention to yourself.

Always stay within your group. There's safety in numbers.

Know your police officers by their uniforms or cars. Parents need to point them out and remind their children that these symbols mean safety.

Establish a code word. Practice it. If an aquaintance or good friend approaches your child and says you told them to bring them somewhere or even to you, make sure your aquaintance knows the code word, otherwise your child should know not to go.

Keep an updated photo of your child. Some places offer cards for a fee to do this, but here's a free example.  I email myself an updated Sprite photo and keep it in my inbox, changing out the image every six months since she's at an age where months still matter in her growth.

Get your child's fingerprints registered with the police department. County law enforcement offers these child safety events for free. Go to one. Get it done.

Teach your child to be too smart for strangers. This post is in no way affiliated with any organizations, but if you want helpful hints in keeping yourself and your child safe, visit National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Comments

[Rachel]

I like it. It never hurts to be reminded of some good practices. I may be with my children almost constantly, but it only takes one separation for bad things to happen.

[Michele]

Great reminder.

[Jan]

I accepted a ride from a man when walking home from school in kindergarten. I'm sure no one would have ever seen me again if he hadn't picked me up a block from my home; he drove right past it, where my mother was standing on the porch waiting for me. I don't remember if she saw me right away (she must have) but I saw her and said "There's my mom!" and waved. The man didn't even pull over - he just stopped in the middle of the street and let me out before speeding off.

It was the LAST time I made that mistake, I can tell you.

My spin is up: http://www.jbsitedesigns.com/?p=5836

[Laufa]

I completely am on the same page as you. My kids figure they are at home, so they are safe. I have to constantly remind them to not open the door and that I don't know everybody.
I hope my sister posts about her Halloween...my niece Hello-ed a zombie and meowed back to a table; talk about stranger danger!

[Becca]

It makes me shudder to think of what can happen. You are right about Florida, though. Very scary.

[Joanie M]

A memory just flashed in my brain as I read this post. I used to meet my sister-in-law at a mall that was the halfway point between our home. It had a small playground inside, at the food court. The kids were playing (I had 2, Sue had 1) and we suddenly saw a man walking with Tim in his arms! I went up to him and he said Tim was looking for me, that he couldn't find me. I'll never know if it was a thwarted abduction or if Tim really was lost. He was only 2 or 3 at the time.

We had a code word sometime after that incident, and to this day, my kids (they are now 25, 21 and 18)will tell you that it's STRAWBERRY.

[mrsbear]

This terrifies me. Great reminder. You're right, it happens far too often. I once took a ride from a strange woman when I was a teenager and used to ride the county bus to work. She spent the whole ride chiding me for hitching and convinced me that the next person might not be so kind, particularly if it was a man. I listened.

[WickedStepMom]

My mom use to tell me to scream like my life depended on it. Come to think of it, it probably would have.

[Mama Badger]

Great post. Another suggestion for times when you're going to take your child someplace crowded where you might get seperated (amusement park, mall):

Take a picture on your cell right before you go in. This way if you do get seperated you have a photo of them that day, in the clothes they will most likely still be wearing.

[Ginny Marie]

At preschool, the teachers taught Lily to scream "Stranger" if someone came too close. I think that's a great idea. It's much more specific that just yelling. I also love code words.

[Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)]

Oh that's way too scary. What a great reminder! I was so panicked when Princess Nagger got off at a different bus stop her first week of Kindergarten - because some other kids convinced her it was OK with their mom if she came to their house for a play date. Between me and the other kids mom calling the school immediately and the dispatcher alerting the bus driver who turned around at our bus stop and went back to pick her up, it was mind numbing. It could have turned out so differently with her walking home with those kids in a strange neighborhood. They changed the route so that she's dropped off at the beginning - after all, the bus would drive right by our house on the way to drop off other kids, then come back and drop her off which didn't make sense. Even at 6 I still make her hold my hand when we're out and about - the world has gotten to be a very scary place for sure. ((HUGZ!))

[Baba]

You may make me crazy when you were a kid...and you sure make me crazy as an adult. But I will always want you no matter what. And Lee if you are there somewhere I mean you too.

[Michele Renee]

Scary! I have always reminded my kids that strangers who want to talk to them or approach them can look like everyday nice people like a nice looking guy or even a woman.

[Joanie M]

You tell her, Mom!

[jenni]

This kind of thing scares the living daylights out of me. Thanks for sharing.

When my brother was a baby, a woman snatched him from my mother's shopping cart when she turned her back to look at a shelf. My mom quickly caught up w/the woman, running down the ailse and got him back. I cannot even imagine the terror she must have felt turning around and seeing him gone, seeing some woman running away w/him.

[Pseudo]

Excellent and frightening post Jen. i have a similar story of my own...maybe that is what I will do for the free spin...

[Vandy]

WE went to Disney World with our five year old-at the time-son. We prepped him by saying that he needed to stay with us at all times but if we did get separated he should talk to someone in a uniform. They would be a "stranger" but safer than just staying lost. When kids get old enough to understand stranger needs to be defined. It won't help if the child won't talk to anyone because everyone is a stranger.

[Arwen]

Scary. Thanks for sharing. I have told Beeper that he should never get into a car with anyone beides his parents or Aunt Jenni unless Mommy is right there and says it's okay.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

Great post! My kids are grown and at college, so I have a whole new set of fears (never ends, does it?), but your story is a great example. Jan's comment scared the crap out of me; I hope she does write about that! I had a very short list of people that could come get my kids at school pick-up if I couldn't show. And they had the "password." Anyone else, even neighbors or friends, I told them just go back into the school office and sit there; that my friends would understand why they wouldn't go with them.

[Jenni Jiggety]

Thank God you didn't go!

I am scared to death of something like that happening to my kids!

[Heather]

Our biggest most recent scare was when the teachers put my niece on the wrong bus and my sister went into panic mode about 30 minutes after she was due to be home. She didn't get home till 7 in the evening.

If you can find out thier bus number, teach your kids to only get on that bus.

[Erin@TheLocals Love It]

Great post. Good thing you listened to your gut. I'm not affraid to admit I am the "helicopter" mom. I'm not more than a few feet away hovering over at all times.

[K]

My son is overly friendly. I really think he would walk away with strangers. It scares me to death.

I try to talk to him about it, but I don't think it's gotten through to him yet.

[kniesersmiles]

DON'T JUST TEACH YOUR KIDS TO SCREAM! There was an abduction in Colorado at the mall that happened with everyone around. The kids screamed and kicked like crazy but the man said she was his daughter and just throwing a temper tantrum. Teach them to scream "Kidnapper, not my daddy, not my mommy" something to let people know this is not just a temper tantrum. The kid didn't make it)0: Start yesterday. They are never too young to start talking to about this. Even if they don't understand, get in the habit, and make sure they know they can safely talk to you about ANYTHING no matter what, and you will always love them. Bad things don't just happen to kids when they've been kidnapped.

[sherendipity]

Yeesh. That was a creepy story. A good one, but creepy.