Let me clear my throat.

Cough! Cough!

"You okay?"

Cough! Cough!

"Sprite?"

Cough! Cough!

"John, she's doing it again!"

Dear world at large,

Yes, I know my daughter is coughing. Repeatedly. No, she's not contagious. No, she's not sick. I GUARANTEE you it's not Swine Flu. (Thanks for asking.) (Repeatedly.) Yes, we've taken her to the doctor to verify this. Yes, the doctor gave her a clean bill of health. Remarked it was allergy related most likely since she can't Harumph! to clear her throat with the rest of the population, so we're giving her some Zyrtec to help with the excess phlegm while we start teaching her how to hawk a loogey and other fine nasal passage clearance techniques.

We do appreciate your concerning looks (and will ignore the condemning ones) but we're okay. She's okay. No, she is not going to stay home from school to make sure your child is not exposed and yes, I am more than willing to laminate the doctor's note to state my case.

And yes, we promise to work with her on covering her mouth when she lets loose.

Sincerely (some snark may have been added here and there, but definitely here)

Jen

PS- You may want to check your own kid's nose. If it's green, then quarantine!

Comments

[Rachel]

Hee hee hee. My favorite line? "while we start teaching her how to hawk a loogey and other fine nasal passage clearance techniques".

Ahhhhhh. That was good.

[Mary Anne]

For a long time, The Girl would repeatedly clear her throat all the time, not a cough, but enough to be really annoying. We got the "probably allergies" thing too, and got to the point where we didn't even hear it anymore, but it drove my sister crazy.
We were never truly successful in teaching her to "hawk a loogey" or any other "fine nasal passage clearing techniques." Hope you have better success!!

[Michele]

There is nothing harder than teaching a child how to clear their throat. Once, you do they are spitting loogies all over the place. Or it that just boys?

[TJB]

That may be just boys, I don't remember too many females hocking loogies growing up, and the ones that did, well, they were just one of the boys too.
You can always try the hockey snot where you pinch one nostril closed and blowing out the other, just make sure you have a tissue in front cuz it could make a mess. :)

[WickedStepMom]

I have a horrendous cough from allergies and asthma. It has really helped clear crowds and lines with the threat of swine flu in the air. I use this to my advantage whenever possible.

Also, try putting allergy covers on her pillows. It helps to cut down the stuffiness. And wash her pillow cases in the hottest water possible atleast once every two weeks!

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

Kids also cough for weeks after they've had a respiratory infection. I remember getting looks when the kids were young and wanting to strangle people.
I think people are gonna be crazy neurotic this winter. Poor Sprite; Poor You!
Here's my Spin:
http://www.islandroar.com/

[Ginny Marie]

Oh, I just hate it when coughing keeps my little ones awake at night. I hope Sprite's cough isn't that bad! I give them a little teaspoon of honey when they're coughing, which does help. (But then sometimes they demand honey when there's no cough!)

[Jan]

My main memory is of trying to teach each and every one of my kids to blow their noses.

Traumatizing for everyone concerned.

[Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)]

If you ever do teach Sprite how to hawk a loogey and other fine nasal passage clearance techniques, let me know how you do it, k? I might have missed out on not teaching Princess Nagger how to do it properly. ;)

I love that "if it's green quarantine!" LOL! Too true - and if they're running a fever, keep 'em home too, please. :) Hope Sprite's cough doesn't keep her (or you) up at night!

Here's my spin for this week:
http://stacysrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/spinning-up-parental-confession.html

[Ellie Belen]

Yet another skill not taught to girls, how to cough it up and spit it out.

I also find that for some, after a time, that the coughing reflex becomes just that reflexive and the kids were coughing just to cough. They are no longer sick, they don't have allergies to speak of so after a while I asked them to consciously stop coughing, to fight the impulse to cough. And it worked.

[Pippa]

Ahh Poor Sprite. cough cough. Oh better work on the hand skills myself!

[jenni]

if its green then quarentine, hahaha!

[Heather]

Hawk a loogey! Heehee. Now that would be something to see! LOL

For a moment I thought you were going to say it was asthma. My niece has coughing asthma, not to be confused with wheezing asthma. Anyway, glad it is not serious!

The green nose...ewwwww! Coffee no good anymore...

[kyooty]

My hubbbie is guarenteed to choke on every meal he eats,and people constantly comment. Now he replies with "Mouth breather" :) you just can't eat and breath at the same time.

[HeatherPride]

Ugh, we've all been through the cough mode here too. AND the snot. Lots of snot. Too much dang snot.

[Erin@TheLocals Love It]

How does one teach a child to hock a loogy? I must know. I'm still struggling with teaching him how to really blow his nose.

[Jamie]

If you can teach Sprite how to hock a loggy maybe you can teach me? Somehow that part of my education was missed.

Get Sprite some Horehound Herbal Blend, we give it to Man Cub when he has a cough and it helps him sleep.

I am totally stealing the "if it is green than quarantine" saying. Too freakin' funny!

[Anne]

I have the same thing with my youngest daughter. She coughs. People look at you like you are personally responsible for the swine flu epidemic. My MIL isn't helping since she tells everyone my little one has swine flu (she doesn't, I promise). If she were missing school for the cough, the truant officer would be after us. She has been coughing for weeks.

[Robin]

Yeah, how does one teach a toddler/preschooler to hawk a loogie? I am not sure I know how to even explain it!

[mrsbear]

My kid is currently in quarantine. Any tips on teaching him how to hawk a loogey would be appreciated. Poor guy is gurgly.

Glad Sprite's avoiding the pork flu.

[The Mayor]

Well,if you can bare all the stink eye you might get in public, this would be a good time to clear a crowd out of a long ling. Just pretend you only speak French if they cuss you out.

I should publish a Flip video of my allergy girl clearing her throat...totally gross but effective.

[Baba]

May be the doooooogsssssss?

[K]

I so feel you on this one. My little guy has mastered the "fake" cough and sneeze. It sounds just like the real thing, but he can totally do it at will.

[Casey]

I read this last week and had to laugh because both of my kids are currently sick with the fake cough. So much that they started the entire room at Gymboree coughing the other day and there were like six healthy kids hacking up their fake lungs. Grr. Then I feel the need to overexplain that they're NOT sick.