Sprite's Keeper

SPOOKY Cycle: "Go ask that stranger for candy."

What the hell are we as a nation of nuerotic overprotective parents thinking? (And I mean nowadays. "Yesterday" and "Way Back When" do not count anymore.)

Tomorrow is the one day a year we let our guards down in regards to the biggest cautions we throw at our children: "Never talk to strangers!" "Don't take candy from strangers!" "Do NOT push the alien!" (I'm sure it will happen at some point throughout the evening when you descend upon the house giving out the best candy and hear "they're running out of Snickers!")

Sprite will be three in two weeks. (Ugh, this time flying thing is making me dizzy.) For the first time, we're going to let her go trick or treating. If you had asked us a few weeks ago, we would have declined and used her daycare's Fall Festival which is technically the same thing, only confined to the center's walls and completely safe, as an excuse for why we don't see the need for her to traipse around a neighborhood or mall past her bedtime looking for reasons to throw a tantrum when we refuse to allow her one more piece of chocolate.

Our decision changed when Sprite's best friend's mother asked us to join them for their own stroll in a nice neighborhood where Halloween is treated like a kiddie's holiday, which, considering how commercial and camp the activities are, it basically is. Since Sprite would be experiencing these firsts with Kayla, I'm more willing to participate, even though it goes against all the stranger danger I've recently begun throwing her way.

(There were a few incidents in my childhood that, looking back, could be considered ripe for a kidnapping scenario, but I was a smart kid because my parents were smart and taught me to be wary of ANY stranger unless they were with me. Damn straight, I will do this with Sprite. I'm not entirely trustful of the area we live in. Too many people, too big a city, too many foreign languages where you need to be on guard as AN ADULT. Sprite wants to walk without holding my hand in Walmart? I'll suffer the stares as I force my wailing child into the cart where I can keep an eye on her at all times.)

Even though we live in such precarious times, unstable in both economy and emotions, I also realize that I need to let her be a kid and enjoy the "kid" things even if my mind is tossing a million what if's into the mix.

I've got the glow sticks for keeping us illuminated, her recycled costume from last year which will finally fit right, and Kayla's mom for keeping me company while we encourage our children to accept sweet treats from adults without a background check first. (I may or may not swipe a few pieces for myself as a silent "thank you" for letting her have so much fun. That's why all parents take from the stash, right?)

Ah, Halloween, don't you just love the irony of it all?

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Here we go! The one time a year where goblins and witches and devils are encouraged!

Allinole over at Ali's Blog

lisleman over at A Few Clowns Short..

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher 

 

Shangrila over at My Bella Figlia 

 

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar 

 

Lisa over at Boondock Ramblings 

 

Stacy over at True Blue Texan 

 

Michele over at It's A Dog's Life 

 

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts 

 

Laufa over at Morgan Madness 

 

Mary Anne over at Miss Mary Anne Sunshine 

Erin over at The Locals Love It 

Erin over at Only a Movie 

 

Maureen over at IslandRoar -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

 

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

 

Wicked Step Mom over at Life and Times of a Wicked Step Mom -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

 

Christopher over at Ca-Joh -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

 

Mary Anne over at The Stiletto Mom -Updated today! Fresh Spin!

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs... Updated Halloween! Fresh Brains Spin!

Ginger over at When Ginger Snaps... -Updated Halloween! Fresh Spin! S-P-O-O-K-Y!

Cyndi over at The Adventures of HarryJack -Updated Halloween! Fresh Spirit of a Spin!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

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Next week's Spin Assignment: Parental Confessions

I'm a daily listener of Bob and Sheri, a syndicated radio show that keeps my morning drive from driving me off a cliff. (Oh, yeah. I live in Florida. There ARE no cliffs here.) And one of the topics of their "chat room" (where they open the phones to people calling in on a related subject, kind of like the Spin Cycle) was parental confessions. And the response was hilarious.

Whether they didn't like playing games with their kids or reading to them or even battling bedtime, people came forward to cast some reality on what is "supposed" to be all love and patience. (Honey, we parent bloggers busted THAT myth a long time ago.)

So, I thought I would turn the topic over to you. What is your parental confession? Sure, we love our kids, they can do no wrong, and blowing bubbles in one's milk can be charming. To some. But what could you live without?

Don't like playing Legos? Confess it here!

Feel like you'd rather do every dish in the house by hand rather than brush My Little Pony's hair ONE MORE TIME? Tell us!

Absolutely hate the thought of breaking out the Play-Doh especially since you don't like the smell and you know it will be all over the place by the time play time is over and you'll be vacuuming that crap up for weeks or at least the crap that the dogs haven't licked up or tracked into their paws which you don't find until weeks later when you're giving the beagle a bath and have a mini-freak out thinking she attracted some mutant lime green fungus which means an automatically high vet bill? ... If any of you have a beagle then it's entirely possible.

Confess what you DON'T like about parenthood! Not a parent? How about uncle or aunt? Baby sitter? What about childhood do you not like now that you're an adult?

This ought to be interesting... And cathartic. That too. 

See you next Friday on the Spin Cycle!

Psyche- We lied.

Ring!

"This is Jennifer."

"This is a courtesy call-"

"Is she okay?" Damnit, give them a second to tell you why you're cutting your day short!

"-Sprite doesn't have a fever, and her attitude seems okay, but she's had two loose BM's, so we thought we would give you the heads up. Has she been alright with that lately?"

"Well, um, she did have pizza this weekend which may have caused, um, did she do it on the potty at least?"

"I don't know."

"Oh. Well, um, let me know if she does it again and I'll pick her up."

"Okay, thank you."

---------------------------

Ring!

"Hello?"

"John, your daughter's loose."

"Wha-?"

"The school called. Sprite had two loose ones today."

"In the potty at least?"

"I don't know. The manager didn't know."

"I wanna know."

"I know! Me too! She's been so good with it.... Can you call to find out?"

"Jen, I'm really busy-"

"Never mind. I'll do it."

------------------------

Ring!

"Thank you for calling [redacted], how may I help you?"

"Hi, this is Sprite's mom again. I'm sorry, but I have to ask. When did these accidents occur? Before lunch? After lunch?"

"I'll check for you....................................... one before lunch, and one after."

"Did she at least try to make it to the potty?"

"Um.....hold on......................................... I just spoke to Ms. Jen and she told me that Sprite doesn't show any interest in the potty when she's here."

"That can't be right. She's been perfect for a week. No accidents at all."

"That's what Ms. Jen says."

"Are you sure this is my Sprite?"

"She DID say-"

"And Ms. Jen isn't Sprite's teacher."

"One moment, I need to investigate this a little............................. I am so sorry."

"Wrong Sprite?"

"Yes! I just called her room and the teacher told me she's been perfect all day. They called up with the wrong name from Sprite's old class."

"So, I guess we're okay?"

"Yes, false alarm. Again, so sorry."

"No worries. I'm just happy I don't have to do laundry tonight."

Duck and Coldcuts

"Mommy, the playground, I see it! We go to the slide, o-KAY, Mommy?"

"First, we eat dinner and then we go to the slide, o-KAY, Sprite?"

She grins up at me, completely oblivious to my gentle mocking and allows me to steer her toward the Subway just feet away from the children's area.

Once our sandwiches are purchased, she immediately demands outdoor seating so she can "see the birdies and the owl!", referring to the plastic scarecrow placed in the risers above to scare off the finches from pestering the seating area.

We find a table quickly in the deserted area and settle in for our meal amid Sprite's chattering depiction of the scenery.

"That door is dark, Mommy. Why is it dark?"

I glance over to where her stare is trained. "Because there's no store there, Sprite." (Even the two year old recognizes the Recession.)

"Ducks!"

Huh?

She's emitting sharp notes as her finger points over my shoulder. "Ducks! Mommy, look!"

Looking into the short distance, I can see white ducks standing on the cement edge of one of the outlet mall's many fountains. Yup, they're ducks alright.

"I see that."

"I feed the ducks, o-KAY, Mommy?"

Feed the ducks? Where did she come up with this one? "Have you ever fed a duck before, Sprite?" Our petting zoo experiences have been woefully scant, given that the Avian and Swine varieties are just swimming in rumors diseases.

"No, Mommy. I not feed the ducks." She picks at her turkey sandwich.

"So how do you know what to feed them?"

She keeps her face and eyelids lowered as her pupils come up to meet mine in a classic "You really ought to know this" look. "Ducks eat bread, Mommy. I feed the ducks bread."

"But how do you-" I stop myself, realizing the futility in interrogating the child over her knowledge of duck food. "Do you want to feed the ducks?"

"Yes, Mommy!" She scrambles from her seat as I correct myself.

"AFTER you finish eating!"

She considers my addendum and looks back to her barely touched meal. The only thing she's really consumed is the cheese she had picked off immediately and the apple slices. She picks up the sandwich, takes a bite, and places it back on the wrapper. "I done," she announces, her mouth full.

Giving up, I clear our discards, asking Sprite to hold onto her sandwich for the ducks. We walk over to the fountain, Sprite counting the number of pure white tails she sees as we get closer. Her voice rises in anticipation as she chants, "I feed the ducks. I FEED THE DUCKS. I FEED THE DUCKS! HI, DUCKS!"

She's drawing an audience, two elderly couples stopping to watch the adorable cherub with her fist full of duck appetizers.

Leaning over, I start to tell Sprite that we need to take the turkey out of the bread before we break it up and Sprite gives me a repeat glare. "I feed the ducks, Mommy. I do it. O-KAY?"

All right. Fine. I'll just-

"HERE, DUCKS! EAT!" She lobs the entire sandwich, still heavy in its volume, at one of the nearby birds, nailing it in the head.

THUNK!

SPLASH!

The ducks respond in quacking fury, visibly shaken by the attack and attempt to clear the fountain in a chaotic formation, almost sideswiping one of the women who had just been commenting on how sweet my child was. You know, before she became a prime target for PETA.

The woman's husband steps forward. "She should have said 'Duck!' " His attempt at levity sinks with the now waterlogged sandwich as I smile back at him in response.

Sprite stares at the sandwich and the still visible and still agitated ducks marching off toward the lake just beyond the mall. "Bye, ducks!" she calls out, waving off her fowl friends before looking up at me. "They eat later, o-KAY, Mommy?"

I spare one more look to the sandwich sitting at the bottom of 2 feet of water. "Sure, kid. Now how about that slide?"

RTT: Stalking, Balking, and Smack Talking

Yes, this post is disjointed, but it's supposed to be that way. The title will work if you're willing to work with it. (Please be willing.)

I am the one who does the grocery shopping in the family. I know I've mentioned it here before. While Publix is the premiere store in the state of Florida, and I have been loyal to the chain for as long as I can remember, I have been taking to trying out Walmart as a way of saving money since so many other people have recommended it. The first time I tried it, it was Friday evening, I was tired from a long week, and I wasn't in the mood for people. At all. Driving over to the nearest Wally World, I pushed my cart into the produce section which looked like a crime scene from someone deciding to test every tomato and cast any failures onto the foor where other shoppers decided rather than swerving to avoid the obstacle, to treat it like a target. Ketchup anyone? Meh, onions are closer. Let's go for salsa. I almost abandoned my cart three separate times before finally making it to the check out alive and having not been slapped from recommending that some people cheat and take their Saturday night bath a little early this time. (Why, yes, some of the folks out there still try to stick to the once a week rule on bathing. Those people actually do have families and the stench does multiply when in numbers.)
The next week, I played it safe and dragged Sprite along for a stop at a nicer Walmart on our way home. Not only did I make it out alive, I was able to concentrate more on the prices and quality and less on the quantity of people who all seemed to be heading down the same aisle. After the noticeable difference seen in my grocery bill, I've become almost a stalker, marking the grocery sites and checking them first thing in the morning on the day the new sales come out. I actually let out a little squeal when I was told Walmart accepts coupons. Did anyone else know that? I feel like I've just been handed a secret password! 

I wonder if Hollywood has a direct line on my blog for last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy didn't suck! From the first minute to the last, it completely held my attention and only had me yelling possible causes of death, not reasons to turn the channel. I was actually impressed with the show and the acting. Don't ask me about Private Practice. I didn't see the latest episode since frankly, I was too high on endorphins from Grey's success, I didn't want to kill the buzz. I'll wait until this weekend and skip to the last part to see how Charlotte is overcoming her aversion to her own baby since, in Lala Land, these characters can go the entire 12 steps in hours as compared to the years it takes real people to make through trauma. My guess is she'll be planning his first birthday party since that just seems to be the way they run the show. (Into cancellation.) (Okay, wishful thinking.) (Yes, I know I could just change the channel, but why? At least I KNOW the show is bad!)

No, Sprite did not get the pillow she threw into our shopping cart. I'm sure you all know me well enough by now to know that I do not give into my child's every whim. I made her put it back and she of course gave a small pout, easily resolved with a "Don't forget, your birthday and Christmas are very close" reminder. Sure, I got off easy. She could have given me a hundred and ten reasons all in the key of scream, but she didn't. She's actually been really good about it given that our old standby's are no longer plausible. Since we can't use the excuse "Ssh, the doll is sleeping" or "We're not allowed to buy it. It's only to look at." (Oh, yes, we have used that lie and it has worked until recently.) without an eye roll in response, we were scrambling for better reasons to deny her the coveted item that didn't include tears, melodrama, and the pulling of a fire alarm. Luckily, we didn't need an escape route. She gave us a map. Now, she has devised a way of telling us she wants something without resorting to tantrums and hostages. She simply walks over to the product in question, gushes over it appropriately, and then turns to John or me and says, "We come back for this, o-KAY?"
At first, John and I thought we were being punked. It could not be this easy! "Okay," we replied, and she would walk away, no longer intent on having the doll/box of cookies/you-break-it-you-buy-it in her hot little hands. And then, guess what? She forgets about it! (As long as we avoid the aisle the next time we're in the store..) So far, so good. Sure, we could look over our shoulders for the second dropping shoe, but right now? We're running with it.

Although she may get that pillow sooner than she thinks. Can I just say it's been an entire week without ANY accidents? And we've hardly had to prompt her. She's taken it upon herself to announce it, do the deed, and even try to clean up after herself. Potty training? We met your challenge and finally beat you at your game. Now, I just have 9 or so years to get ready for puberty..

I need to readjust my movie meter for I seem to be picking some losers lately. Susan joined me for a cheesy rental, agreeing amiably to my newest Netflix arrival "Adventureland". Note to self: Just because it has Ryan Reynolds in it does not make it good. Even better note to self: If it has Kristen Stewart in it, avoid at all costs. Seriously, my crap radar must be on the fritz, for I found myself wanting to throttle her character every time she made that angsty throaty breath catch. (Which she did, a lot. Turns out that the Twilight franchise does NOT have the patent on her quirky acting abilities.) I am, against my own better judgement, heading back to the theater during Thanksgiving weekend to see the newest Twilight, with Susan again, but this time, I will shell out for the tickets. By the end of my inevitatble snarky comments, she may want to throttle ME.

And now for someone who's definitely not a loser. Unless she's losing weight, then feel free to call her a big loser. Just don't say it around any execs at NBC or you may be sued for brand theft. Look, just go over to Keely's and say hi to the other Randomizers. It's honestly the best way to spend your Tuesday!

She's anything but subtle.

I'm not the only one who loves Costco..

 

Ooh! Disney pillows! And Princess!

 

Hi, Mommy! Um, nothing's going on here. Just continue your shopping. I'm being good.

 

Oomph, this thing is heavier than me.

 

Come on, get in there!

 

Not a bad price. I'm sure Mommy could afford two.

 

And the best part? Mommy hasn't said anything! And since silence means acceptance, I will be sleeping pretty tonight!

 

I think I saw matching blankets right next to the display. I'm going for it!

SPOOKY Cycle: Trick? Treat? Just gimme candy..

Already, we have a Spin for the Hallowed Eve events!

Allinole over at Ali's Blog

lisleman over at A Few Clowns Short..

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher -Updated Sunday!

 

Shangrila over at My Bella Figlia -Updated Monday!

 

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -Updated Wednesday!

 

Lisa over at Boondock Ramblings -Updated Wednesday!

 

Stacy over at True Blue Texan -Updated Thursday!

 

Michele over at It's A Dog's Life -Updated Thursday!

 

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts -Updated Thursday!

 

Laufa over at Morgan Madness -Updated Thursday!

 

Mary Anne over at Miss Mary Anne Sunshine -Updated Thursday!

Erin over at The Locals Love It -Updated Thursday!

Erin over at Only a Movie -Updated Thursday!

Remember, you have until October 30th to get those Spins about Halloween in or the trick may be on you...

Spin Cycle: Brew Cycle: Get me through the morning cycle

Oh, how I love coffee. I love the smell of it, the heat, the taste, the aftertaste, the shimmer that goes down to my toes after I've given my cup a proper "Wuzzup?". I love the routine of it all so much, I've composed a sonnet. This is dedicated to Ms. Blissfully Caffeinated herself with the hope that she get back to 100% as quickly as possible:

Coffee, oh coffee! The magical brew,

Nectar of the Gods, I must bow to you.

The sweetest part of my morning, after Sprite's goodbye kiss,

Is when I hold you in my hands, every day I find new bliss.

Without your interference, I know not what patience means,

And my resolve to not rear-end someone would not be worth a hill of beans.

And when I've reached my sanity's end and cannot take one drop more,

I simply walk to the breakroom, turn my back on the world, and pour.

And when my day is over and I settle for the night,

I smile, knowing your aroma will rise with the morning light.

You are my meditation, my calming count to ten,

You are my salvation, my caffeinated Zen.

To see all the other cyber-hugs heading Jen's way, head over to Oscarelli where Jenni is masterminding everything! Just click the link, she'll have a cup waiting for you.

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My kitchen is going to be seeing some serious action this Winter!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar (Boneless City Chicken) (I think it should be renamed Chicken Surprise)

Kendra over at Life in the Slow Lane -A Photo Essay Spin!

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar (Texas Chili)

Laufa over at Morgan Madness (Crab Dip)

Michele over at It's A Dog's Life (Pumpkin Soup)

Rikki over at Cowgirls Like Me (Stuffed Pepper Soup)

Allinole over at Ali's Blog (Homemade Hot Fudge)

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar (Lasagna)

Maureen over at IslandRoar -Updated Tuesday!

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert -Updated Tuesday! (Cobbler)

The South Dakota Cowgirl over at Whoa My Horses! (Peppered Shrimp Alfredo)

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts  (Homemade Wine Jelly)

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar  (German Chocolate Cake)

Kendra over at Life in the Slow Lane (Chicken and Noodles AND a Roast)

Jen over at Sprite's Keeper (Hot Fudge Cake) (Oh, it's totally allowed.)

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar  (Thanksgiving Unwrapped!)

Wicked Step Mom over at Life and Times of a Wicked Step Mom (Ginger Bread Waffles)

Stacy over at Stacy's Random Thoughts (Thanksgiving Turkey)

Erin over at The Locals Love It  (Lasagna)

The South Dakota Cowgirl over at Whoa My Horses! (Enchiladas Carnitas)

The Mayor over at SassTown -Updated today! Fresh Spin! New to the Spin Cycle! (Pumpkin Pie and Homemade Whipped Cream)

Rachel over at The Ramblings of Rachel -Updated today! Fresh Spin! ( Whatchacallit? Cake and Vegetable Dumplings courtesy of Elizabeth!)

Jan over at Jan's Sushi Bar -Updated today! Fresh Spin!(Coffee Cake)

Arwen over at Spors in the Desert -Updated today! Fresh Spin! (Pineapple Bake)

TifRN over at Rapture of the Sleep -Updated today! Fresh Spin! (Sweet Baby Jay's BBQ Chicken)

Ginger over at When Ginger Snaps... -Updated today! Fresh Spin! (Ginger's Really Simple Oyster Dressing)

Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs... -Updated today! Fresh Spin! (The Best Turkey Burger EVER!!!)

A big thanks to all the Spinners who gave away their secrets and even those who didn't!

And I need someone's help in getting Jan to write her own cookbook..

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Next Week's Spin Assignment: Halloween!

We've done it before, we're doing it again! Submit your favorite Halloween story, memory, song, poem, anything you want as long as it's related to Halloween. Got some funny rules on trick or treating? Instruct us! Make the cutest homemade costume on the block? Show it off!

As long as it's about Halloween in some way, it's in!

See you next Friday on the Spin, er, SPOOKY Cycle!

(Oh, come on! I only get to use the "Spooky" once a year! Just give it to me, okay?)

Spin Cycle: Calories Be Damned

So Jen over at Sprite's Keeper? She does this thing called the Spin Cycle? (Yeah, it lost the funny after the first question mark...?)

Anyway, Jenni at Oscarelli is devoting her site tomorrow to A Blissful Benefit and since I kind of egged her on with it, I will also devote tomorrow's post to it as well because I happen to love the Blissfully Caffeinated one called Jen. (I just noticed how we're all named Jen or Jenni or even Jenn, any variation of Jennifer without referring to ourselves as Jennifer. Why is that? Because when I hear my full name, I immediately envision myself being grounded?) (Possible.)

So I am posting a recipe out of my Rival Crock Pot Slow Cooker cookbook, one I've made once, but have thought about several times. Yes, it's good. 

Hot Fudge Cake (in a slow cooker, no less!) (You can make the house smell amazing without purchasing one of those Glade candles!)

6-8 small servings, 3-4 kill the craving servings, 1 PMS serving

1 3/4 cups packed light brown sugar, divided (not multiplied. This isn't Algebra, okay?)

2 cups all-purpose flour (I love the word all-purpose. Like it will clean the dishes too when you're done..)

1/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder, divided, plus additional for dusting, if desired

2 teaspoons baking powder (not soda. Yes, there's a difference. So I've found.)

1 teaspoon salt (and a pinch to throw over your shoulder)

1 cup milk 

4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter, melted

1 teaspoon vanilla 

3 1/2 cups boiling water (100 degrees Celsius or 212 degrees Fahrenheit)

1. Coat the slow cooker with nonstick cooking spray or butter. Mix 1 cup sugar, flour, 3 tablespoons cocoa powder, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Stir in milk butter and vanilla. Mix until well-blended. Pour into the slow cooker. (Stop yourself from swiping your finger through the pouring batter for a taste.) (Ah, what the hell? There's no raw egg in it, swipe away!)

2. Blend remaining 3/4 cup sugar and 1/4 cup cocoa powder in small bowl. Sprinkle evenly over mixture in the slow cooker. Pour in boiling water. DO NOT STIR. (Yes, this was written in BOLD letters. Looks like the copywriter has the same flair for the dramatic as I do.)

3. Cover, cook on HIGH 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. (And if it doesn't, just consider it to be REALLY FUDGY cake.)  Allow cake to rest 10 minutes, then invert onto serving platter or scoop into serving dishes. Serve warm, dust with cocoa powder, if desired. (Oh, you know you want to. Drizzle some fudge sauce on it too. Go ahead. No one's watching! See the ice cream in the freezer? Just a scoop... Come on. DO IT!)

(Adding some chocolate chips to the wet ingredients is really good. But creates a mess in the slow cooker which is a bitch to clean up. Unless you have a dishwasher, then no worries!) (...So I've found.)

Skin Deep

Winter is coming. The humidity is waning, the dry skin is starting to make an appearance.

This is the ONLY reason I detest the cooler season.

I hate Eczema. I hate what it does. I hate how it looks. I even hate the way it's spelled. (I always have to spell-check it which makes me curse my laziness, then double-curse my perfectionism, then triple-curse Eczema again for making me have to spell-check it.)

Neither John nor I have been cursed with this affliction which can raise its head whenever it feels like it's being neglected, but Sprite, poor Sprite, has been assaulted from October to April for the last almost three years with dry, itchy skin.

Of course, her prescription for this dermatological malady is to scratch the skin that is tickling her senseless. This does not bode well for school pictures next month.

Despite repeated trips to the medical plaza, the nasty Eczema keeps trumping our Ace. We've been trying Aveeno, oatmeal baths, one doctor even recommended to dress her in wet pajamas and then let her sleep that way. Uh, what? I know we live in Florida and all, but that seems a little too redunkulous, thanks. And changing the bedsheets all the freaking time? We'll just keep slathering on the moisturizer.

Here's some other suggestions that came from our pediatrician:

"Cut her nails as short as possible. That will stop her from hurting herself too much." Every other night, I come after her with clippers. 1. Her nails grow way too quickly. I may need to cut back on the veggies as it appears they work a bit TOO well. 2. She thinks I'm nuts. "No, you did that yesterday! No more!" Hey, she understands what yesterday means! Score one for the milestones!

"Long sleeves no matter how hot the weather is." Again, Florida. It's not ALL air conditioning no matter what the Northerners think. She's in daycare where the kids are expected to do things like run around the playground and, you know, play VIGOROUSLY since those poor teachers are praying for the tots to wear themselves out before they fall mercifully onto their mats for two hopefully quiet hours. Sure, our days are cooler now, but the sun still shines and generates heat. This would be the prime way to find out if people really do melt. Nope, sorry.

"Cover her itchy areas in band-aids. That will stop her." You know, this worked at first. Sprite loved nothing better than to apply several Princess band-aids at one time so she could present herself as one big animation cell. (Disney should have paid her commission for all the advertising she was doing.) However, as 2 year olds often do, what comes on can also come off. You know how toddlers like to pick the boo boos? They like to do the same with the band-aids. And look! A bonus boo boo to pick! Neverending fun at twice the cost and twice the time to heal!

"Don't bathe her every night. Let her go as long as possible." Um, she's an active toddler/ pre-schooler. After a day of running around at school and most likely coming into intimate contact with every imaginable bacteria source  just short of licking it, (on second thought, maybe we shouldn't rule out the licking, toddlers are still quite mouthy) chances are she should be scrubbed down twice a day. Plus, the dogs are prone to smell on her rather than what I'm making for dinner. Apparently, SHE'S what's cooking.

So, we're working on it. We have the prescribed salve which gets brought out every time she favors a new spot to scratch and a kid who looks a little worse for the wear in some areas. And while we listen to the doctor's orders (most of the time), I think we'll keep plugging along the way we are. After all, she still is a happy kid. Just an itchy one right now.

Curse you, Eczema!! 

RTT: In The Thick Of Sick

I hate being sick. I always know when it's coming. I don't just wake up thinking, Oh! I think I may have contracted a virus of some kind for I feel under the weather! It's more of a midway through the day Let's send Jenny through a round of repeated sneezes and if that doesn't give her the clue that something is up other than the dust quotient, we'll also fill her head with cream of fog soup to really get her attention. And then repeat all that in quick succession until her head hits the desk.

Another way I know I'm heading into inclement weather? My singing voice improves. Seriously! I rarely sing for anyone anymore. Only Sprite and John get to hear me really let loose vocally, but when I'm in the van by myself, I pull some practice songs out of my memory when I'm in the mood and bust a note or two to see if I can still hit those highs. And when I can hit those highs, it's almost a guarantee that my immune system will be under attack within days. I don't know why. I don't know how. I honestly don't want to test it any further since the guys in the white lab coats will be knocking on my door again and the last time they came by, I was awesomely ill prepared for the company.

I think we can now count Sprite as among the fully trained. Since we only have the nights and weekends to reinforce our potty policy, at least with us? She's trained. Not once have I had to clean out anything with a cartoon character on it. When she's home. Can you see where this is headed? John and I are pulling our hair out over the regression she faces at daycare. We have a perfect pottier (Shut up, Typepad.) who's been letting us know she has to go and then going about it in complete compliance with the rules of the loo. Yet, accidents abound at daycare. Obviously, we are not providing Pull Ups and are providing endless underwear stock so that if there is an accident, she will be placed into clean cotton without fail. Um, daycare? FAIL. When I placed her into her car seat on Wednesday evening, I noticed she was wearing a Pull Up even though she had plenty of back up briefs in her cubby. What really added the thunder to my anger cloud was when we got home. I changed her out of the Pull Up and found out she was also wearing underwear underneath the diaper. What the hell? Thankfully, both were clean and dry, but who in their right mind (or left, not discriminating here) puts a child into underwear and THEN into a Pull Up? We've brought the matter up with management since the teachers are pointing fingers at the aides and the aides are passing the buck back to the teachers. The teachers are telling me that Sprite is having trouble with it, but she acts so proud of herself when she's with us and willing to show us she knows what to do. Oy. I'm gonna play the stage mom and say "It's not her. It's them."

Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about people eating cereal within hearing distance of my cringe trigger. I cannot tolerate the sound. Except when I'm eating cereal. (because the sound in MY head? Is not as bad as the sound coming out of yours.) Well, I may have found a match to cereal. We found a new selection of Jell-O sugar free puddings, only mousse form. John loves them. And they taste great! But, um, the sound. Is not so good. I noticed this when standing in our kitchen, John opened a snack and dug in. And the strangest squishing sound came from his closed mouth as he ate his mousse. When he realized my gagtastic reactions were coming as a direct result of his pudding enjoyment, he took great delight in eating his treat and sneaking up behind me to place his mouth right near my eardrum. Next week? The store will be completely OUT of mousse. Conveniently.

Nope. Not pregnant. Thanks for asking. 

Sometime commenter TJB is actually a friend of mine who sees John daily. He mentioned to John in a joking manner that I've been slacking on this site, not bringing the funny. So, being the snarky individual I am, and possibly high on antihistamines, I called him out on my Facebook status asking for suggestions for funny. One of my friends actually suggested a joke. Here goes:
commode walks into the doctors office: "doc," he says, "i think I got the flu." doctor takes a look at him and responds: "well, you do look a little flushed."
Thank you, Jamie. And TJB? I'm not mad. Just high on antihistamines. (Which may have been mentioned.)

Dude, I thought I was watching the eleven o'clock news and waiting for the weather to see if Sprite would need her jacket tomorrow morning, but just realized it was actually the five o'clock news tacked onto the end of a Dr. Phil episode we DVR'd months earlier. I just sat through a two month old forecast saying there would be record highs tonight and tomorrow. I just sat there thinking the weather guy was insane. And then the time ran out and the screen went black.So, I guess, in this situation, it's not them. It's me. I know. I'm surprised I'm allowed to go out in public too.

Don't forget! If you have a blog, you can get in on the big gigantic get well soon e-card of awesomeness over at Oscarelli! All in the name of Blissfully Caffeinated, just write a post about coffee or Jen and link it up to Jenni's place on Friday! 

Since I'm pimping out the rest of this post today, also look for an upcoming review on He Read, She Read! It's like Oprah's Book Club, only without Oprah. Or clubs. But it's about books! See? A connection!

AND! Get your mommy kink on and check out my friend Petra's weekly column Sex and the Suburbs. She's all about the moms and all about the foreplay. I think. There may not be foreplay involved actually. This week. Maybe next week if you suggest it and she's actually taking suggestions..

Hmm, I took some Tylenol PM and this entire post may have been tampered with. They should put safety seals on blogs..

Okay, make sure you check out all the links and then say a big hello to the hostess with the mostest, um, wine bottles? Uh, Keely, what exactly do you collect anyway?