"Mommy, the playground, I see it! We go to the slide, o-KAY, Mommy?"
"First, we eat dinner and then we go to the slide, o-KAY, Sprite?"
She grins up at me, completely oblivious to my gentle mocking and allows me to steer her toward the Subway just feet away from the children's area.
Once our sandwiches are purchased, she immediately demands outdoor seating so she can "see the birdies and the owl!", referring to the plastic scarecrow placed in the risers above to scare off the finches from pestering the seating area.
We find a table quickly in the deserted area and settle in for our meal amid Sprite's chattering depiction of the scenery.
"That door is dark, Mommy. Why is it dark?"
I glance over to where her stare is trained. "Because there's no store there, Sprite." (Even the two year old recognizes the Recession.)
"Ducks!"
Huh?
She's emitting sharp notes as her finger points over my shoulder. "Ducks! Mommy, look!"
Looking into the short distance, I can see white ducks standing on the cement edge of one of the outlet mall's many fountains. Yup, they're ducks alright.
"I see that."
"I feed the ducks, o-KAY, Mommy?"
Feed the ducks? Where did she come up with this one? "Have you ever fed a duck before, Sprite?" Our petting zoo experiences have been woefully scant, given that the Avian and Swine varieties are just swimming in rumors diseases.
"No, Mommy. I not feed the ducks." She picks at her turkey sandwich.
"So how do you know what to feed them?"
She keeps her face and eyelids lowered as her pupils come up to meet mine in a classic "You really ought to know this" look. "Ducks eat bread, Mommy. I feed the ducks bread."
"But how do you-" I stop myself, realizing the futility in interrogating the child over her knowledge of duck food. "Do you want to feed the ducks?"
"Yes, Mommy!" She scrambles from her seat as I correct myself.
"AFTER you finish eating!"
She considers my addendum and looks back to her barely touched meal. The only thing she's really consumed is the cheese she had picked off immediately and the apple slices. She picks up the sandwich, takes a bite, and places it back on the wrapper. "I done," she announces, her mouth full.
Giving up, I clear our discards, asking Sprite to hold onto her sandwich for the ducks. We walk over to the fountain, Sprite counting the number of pure white tails she sees as we get closer. Her voice rises in anticipation as she chants, "I feed the ducks. I FEED THE DUCKS. I FEED THE DUCKS! HI, DUCKS!"
She's drawing an audience, two elderly couples stopping to watch the adorable cherub with her fist full of duck appetizers.
Leaning over, I start to tell Sprite that we need to take the turkey out of the bread before we break it up and Sprite gives me a repeat glare. "I feed the ducks, Mommy. I do it. O-KAY?"
All right. Fine. I'll just-
"HERE, DUCKS! EAT!" She lobs the entire sandwich, still heavy in its volume, at one of the nearby birds, nailing it in the head.
THUNK!
SPLASH!
The ducks respond in quacking fury, visibly shaken by the attack and attempt to clear the fountain in a chaotic formation, almost sideswiping one of the women who had just been commenting on how sweet my child was. You know, before she became a prime target for PETA.
The woman's husband steps forward. "She should have said 'Duck!' " His attempt at levity sinks with the now waterlogged sandwich as I smile back at him in response.
Sprite stares at the sandwich and the still visible and still agitated ducks marching off toward the lake just beyond the mall. "Bye, ducks!" she calls out, waving off her fowl friends before looking up at me. "They eat later, o-KAY, Mommy?"
I spare one more look to the sandwich sitting at the bottom of 2 feet of water. "Sure, kid. Now how about that slide?"
ahahahahahahahahaha!
Posted by: Rachel | October 28, 2009 at 05:08 AM
Have you signed her up for T-Ball yet? Sounds like she'll be a natural pitcher.
Posted by: Michele | October 28, 2009 at 05:34 AM
ADORABLE. I could totally see that going on...so sweet...
Posted by: The Stiletto Mom | October 28, 2009 at 05:36 AM
ROFLMAO! I suspect she heard one of the kids at daycare talking about feeding bread to ducks. Her informant must have left out some of the finer points of the activity - i.e., ducks normally don't eat an entire turkey sandwich.
Posted by: Jan | October 28, 2009 at 07:20 AM
gotta love her enthusiasm.
Posted by: jenni | October 28, 2009 at 07:34 AM
@Jan: Nor do ducks like to take a direct shot to the head. Therapy would probably be in order, but those doctors are quacks.
OH!
(Stay away from the coffee, Jen.)
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | October 28, 2009 at 07:47 AM
Do ducks even eat turkey? Wouldn't that be.... fowl?
Oh good lord, it's way too early for such pathetic humor. Must. Have. Coffee. Now.
Posted by: Robin | October 28, 2009 at 08:00 AM
Trying to make ducks eat turkey?
Posted by: Libby | October 28, 2009 at 08:10 AM
Poor kid, just trying to give the ducks a little early Thanksgiving...
Posted by: Maureen@IslandRoar | October 28, 2009 at 08:58 AM
That poor, poor....sandwich. :)
Posted by: Cameron | October 28, 2009 at 09:06 AM
Had a laugh out loud moment with this one. Well...atleast the intentions were good even if the turkey missile was a duck ambush.
Posted by: Sarhi Wiggins | October 28, 2009 at 09:25 AM
Oooo that Sprite is a cutie! We love the ducks, however they seem to love our fingers. lol
Posted by: Kirsty@Gone Bananas | October 28, 2009 at 10:12 AM
Hee Hee.
Posted by: Erin@TheLocals Love It | October 28, 2009 at 10:34 AM
what a fowl idea for a duck to eat turkey
Posted by: kyooty | October 28, 2009 at 11:55 AM
Ha ha! Whoomp upside the head!
Posted by: A Tired Wife | October 28, 2009 at 12:32 PM
I was almost waiting to hear sprite come up with some profound reason why she changed her mind about feeding the ducks like "ducks don't eat turkey-- it's like they're eating their own" but the turkey bomb is much funnier in the end.
Posted by: Christopher (AKA: CaJoh) | October 28, 2009 at 01:12 PM
ROFLMAO! How cute! At least she took it well when they didn't eat it!
Posted by: Heather | October 28, 2009 at 01:26 PM
My son is obessed with feeding the "bird and squirrels".
He keeps throwing all his snacks in the front yard.
I'm sure the ducks will enjoy their snack later.
Posted by: K | October 28, 2009 at 02:24 PM
Sprite is AWESOME.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | October 28, 2009 at 02:35 PM
LOVE THIS. She is SO darn cute! This is a fantastic story to save for later.
I can just hear her... it's so crazy the things that they somehow pick up on, isn't it?
Posted by: bessie.viola | October 28, 2009 at 03:07 PM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG! I LOVE this! Sprite is quite the character - and entertainment factor for sure! :)
Posted by: Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) | October 28, 2009 at 03:32 PM
Absolutely adorable! And I love the observer's comment about "Duck!" Precious!
Posted by: Jane | October 28, 2009 at 03:35 PM
I love these sweet and funny slices of life with Sprite. Made me smile.
Posted by: Kristina | October 28, 2009 at 03:55 PM
sorry but that is priceless.
Posted by: Jessica | October 28, 2009 at 05:52 PM
Mushally: mostly (I think)
Posted by: Joanie M | October 28, 2009 at 06:02 PM