I think kids are getting a bum rap these days.
Sprite is in the throes of the Terrible Two's. Allegedly. Personally, I have no idea why this stigma is allowed to continue being tossed around the parenting circles. There IS no such thing as Terrible Two's. (Gasp!) That's right! I said it!
Sure, she has her tantrums and her mood swings, she will only accept a pink cup some days and refuse it on other days, and Heaven forbid I approach her with shorts when she has her heart set on a dress, but is it really all that terrible?
Researchers have already broken it down for us plebeians (read: parents) that children at this age are simply frustrated when they can't do things themselves or can't articulate what they want when they want it or can't re-wire the dogs. We all know this. So, why are we still saying it's Terrible?
Maybe it's not the kids that are Terrible. (I hear grumbling.. calm down and just hear me out)
Maybe it's us parents. (Okay, who threw that keyboard? That is NOT nice.)
I'm coming to the conclusion that Sprite's mind is pretty much on a one way track. It's me that can't seem to keep up sometimes. Her ups and downs are to be expected. I just can't expect that MY ups and downs will be in sync with hers all the time, which is where the frustration of parenting a toddler comes into play.
Have I completely lost you? Hm.. let me see.. Oh, okay, you took a left at the conclusion part when you should have gone right.... Okay. We're on the same page now. (That is, if you're still on the same site..)
Sometimes I can handle any mood Sprite is in. If I tell her no to a repeated viewing of "The Lion King" and she reacts with her standard "I wahnnt the Liiiooonnn Kiiiiinnnngg", I can immediately set about dissolving the situation with cheer ("How about we take your tricycle outside and practice riding?") or sneer ("I said no!"). I try to pick Door Number 1 every time which usually snuffs the wick on her lit fuse, but sometimes I do default to Door Number 2, which only acts as an accelerant to make my kiddie go kaboom. Why would I go with Number 2? It depends on how the day is going.
My kid doesn't retain emotions. If Tommy hits her at school, she will only think about that pain until it recedes and maybe later fill me in on how she took a slug to the kidney on the playground, but generally when I ask how her day went, her standard answer is "I played with friends." (Every day, the same answer. I think they train the kids to say that. And they are smart to do it..) Her mood is based on what she's looking forward to as we walk out the daycare door. (The cheese stick waiting in the van for her. You know, come to think of it, I really need to switch up her snacks.) When she blows her top, she vents until she's done and then moves on to the next activity, which may or may not include redecorating the walls.
Now ask me how my day went. Traffic was a nightmare and made me late, Dunkin Donuts screwed up my coffee AGAIN (Do they really think I can't tell the difference between cream and milk? Please DD people, hit the target more often, my THIGHS will thank you!), the server went down at work, I had to deal with other people's bad moods, I burned my popcorn which made for some pretty bad snacking, my eyes were straining at the computer, thunder and lightning made me late to pick Sprite up, traffic slowed to a crawl because the roadside watermelon stand was having Buy One Get One, and we walked into the house to see that John left the milk out on the counter meaning we have no moo juice. Sometimes, I can shirk the dourness my day tried to heap on me. Sometimes, I can't. So, when Sprite immediately asks me if she can give her dolls a bath in the washing machine and then proceeds to vault Sleeping Beauty into the unit, my response may vary.
Have you ever watched another parent discipline their toddler and think you would do it differently? Maybe they were yelling a bit too much or being a bit too patient? Did you ever stop and consider that your judgment may be based on your current mood?
Okay, so this is only a theory. Maybe I just have it really easy. Maybe Sprite is just a really good kid and in no way represents the rest of the preschooler population who seem hell bent on making Mommy cry at least three times a day.
I happen to think the second year is the best one yet. Her words are growing faster than she is, her imagination amazes me, and her take on the world is refreshing. I can't wait until the Three's! (You know, the end of potty training and all..)
Am I actually in touch with my kid or out of touch with reality? I would love to hear your two cents on this.
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I have loved reading about all of your kid stories! Just check out these Spinners!
Arwen over at Spors in the Desert
Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher
Lisa over at Boondock Ramblings
Cristin over at Tiptoeing Through The Tulips
Stacy over at True Blue Texan -Part II !
Camille over at Archives of Our Lives
Mama Badger over at Out of the Boondocks and Into the Burbs...
Erin over at Only A Movie -New to the Spin Cycle!
Meli over at Meli's Rambling Randomness -Updated today! Fresh Spin!
Kendra over at Life In The Slow Lane -Updated today! Fresh Spin!
Gigi over at Incrementum -Updated today! Fresh Spin!
Jenni over at Oscarelli -Updated today! Fresh Spin!
Casey over at Half As Good As You -Updated today! Fresh Spin!
JHS over at Colloquium -Updated Sunday! Fresh Spin!
Cyndi over at The Adventures of HarryJack -Updated Sunday! Memories Spin! Fresh!
Don't forget to say hi to the new Spinners and go a round with the veterans!
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Next week's assignment: Driving.
Do you like to live life in the fast lane? Have you ever succumbed to road rage? Been a victim of it? Maybe you think of life as one big road trip. Are you driving someone crazy? Maybe they're driving YOU crazy.. Need to work on your drive swing? How about learning to drive? Teaching your kids to drive? (I'm praying for you on that one..) Or carpools. Well, make a pit stop here and fill up your tank while you fill us in on the details!
Have those Spins in by July 10th or the bus will leave without you!
By the way, you owe me gas money.
No, I don't think you're far off at all. Most people refer to it as the "Terrible Twos" (and it's my personal experience has been that the threes can be just as bad, if not worse) because yes, you're right - they spend a lot of time frustrated. And, gee - they're two years old and don't have the experience and maturity to deal with that frustration.
It all gets better.
Then she'll turn 12.
Posted by: Jan | July 03, 2009 at 06:27 AM
My reactions to my kids are definitely tied to how I'm feeling and what kind of day I'm having. I try to not let that affect how I treat my kids, but it's hard when my four year old screams "I want to do things MY way!" Her way is usually not Mommy's way!
Posted by: Ginny Marie | July 03, 2009 at 06:50 AM
I'm slowly learning everything you said. It all sounds pretty much on the mark. LG has a shirt that says "I have two things on my to-do list: to play and to play". And that sums it up. The problem is that my to-do list is a little more diversified. Not his problem. Really, ages 2-4 must kind of suck in some ways. So much new stuff to explore, but not so much in the way of autonomy to explore it.
Posted by: Mama Badger | July 03, 2009 at 07:53 AM
I have spun. It might be different from the spins of most people who spun since I dont actually HAVE kids. But I hope everyone enjoys it anyway.
http://gigidiaz.wordpress.com/2009/07/01/spin-cycle-kid…-are-different/
Posted by: GiGi @ Incrementum | July 03, 2009 at 08:44 AM
Onto commenting - I agree that it's easy to "point the finger" at others doing the parenting and thinking you could do better. In fact, I can openly confess I do it all the time. My story is "if I have kids, I'm never going to________" but I know, I just know, that if I ever do have kids, I probably won't do anything I planned on doing because that's just the thing about kids, there is too much going on to plan HOW you're going to react and they're humans, not machines that always respond as expected or as desired... well, even machines don't respond as desired sometimes... Yeah, the kids thing is a big IF for me...
Good spin!
Posted by: GiGi @ Incrementum | July 03, 2009 at 08:47 AM
I think you are right. It isn't how the child acts, it is how we react -- like in many other situations. I don't think there is a Terrible Twos either. Maybe I'm lucky too, but for the most part Jonathan is a pretty good kid. I was reading a book by Dr. Sears and he said that it isn't that the child wants to do something that bothers us, it is that they want to do something at the time we don't want to do it. In other words, what bothers us is that they don't want to "bend to our will" at that moment. Sometimes we have to have them do what we want (like a car is coming and they want to keep running but we want them to STOP!), but other times we have to think: "Is this really that big of a deal? Is it going to harm her/him or is it just bugging me right now?"
Anyhow, I think about this stuff a lot and find that when I decide that Jonathan isn't really trying to push buttons, he's just not doing what I think he should be doing at that moment, I calm down a lot more and breathe easier.
I think parents are so caught up in "He/she has to listen to me. They have to OBEY," that they don't think about the child's feelings and what they are really trying to do.
What? Should I get my own blog? Oh...I have one? Yeah, um....I'm just going to go back over there. :-)
Posted by: Lisa (Jonnysmommy) | July 03, 2009 at 10:25 AM
I absolutely agree with you 100%. The terrible twos are a myth. I loved it when my kids were 2.
They don't turn into complete assholes until the 3rd birthday. It should be the terrible threes. That's when we had all the trouble. And even then, it comes and goes. Four is awesome, five is mouthy. That's as far as I've gotten.
But my point is, you are correct.
Posted by: blissfully caffeinated | July 03, 2009 at 11:12 AM
Phew, better late than never. I went to see Cirque last night (last minute) so I'm behind on my blogging. http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=5228
I agree with your toddler assessment. I've had days recently where I've been under the weather and haven't had the energy to keep up or follow through with discipline with my usual iron fist and the kids just KNOW to push my buttons on those days more than they normally would. Or days when I've been inconsistent and unfair because I was in a bad mood. I try to be even keeled about things but I'm human and it's not always possible.
Cheese sticks are a staple in our car rides too.
Posted by: Casey | July 03, 2009 at 11:40 AM
You're right, two is not so bad. Three? a bit more terrible. Thirteen? Holy heck.
But at any age, how the adult reacts to the kid tends to set the mood for interactions. Power struggles suck - you have to pick and choose which ones you want to play out. The stakes just get higher the older the kid gets...
Have a fabulous weekend!
Posted by: Erin | July 03, 2009 at 01:46 PM
As usual, I think you are so on the money (where were you when MY kids were Sprite's age; Oh, right, probably in kindergarten...)!
I once read if they have a lot of turmoil during their 2's (read, independence and frustration)j, then adolescence may be easier. Out of my 3, my middle child was a breeze at that age, and sooo awful as a teen, so maybe there's something to that. Who knows, but you are so right to enjoy her!
Posted by: Maureen at IslandRoar | July 03, 2009 at 01:47 PM
Well said, and I never really understood most of those 'terrible twos' 'double trouble' etc....you can talk yourself into just about anything, and I don't want mine hearing those things ;-) So far, twos were a lot of fun, they are just starting to get mouthy but still pretty manageable at 5. Our stamina and consistency definitely determine a lot of how things go for us. Another great reason to HASAY! Happy Fourth. I'm still working on the last two and will update when I can
Posted by: cyndi | July 03, 2009 at 03:17 PM
I totally agree with you, some days I can roll with the punches and things go much more smoothly, but because I am so stressed and busy lately, I find myself less patient, which only causes more problems.
Yes, I am the problem. Dammit!
Posted by: Petra aka The Wise (Young) Mommy | July 03, 2009 at 03:27 PM
It's the parents. Hate to say this, but it gets worse. A lot of parents get all judgemental and put too much time thinking what other parents are doing "wrong." It definately gets worse with a bunch of teens.
Posted by: Pseudo | July 03, 2009 at 04:59 PM
Yep. I keep realizing that many of my son's worst behaviors correlate directly with the way we treat him. But it is hard to remember that when I am frustrated or having a bad day. Thankfully, he is much quicker to forgive and forget than I am (and hopefully he stays that way for a while).
Posted by: Arwen | July 03, 2009 at 08:36 PM
I'm no expert but I'd say you are on the right track. Just like when babies cry, a tantrum is a call for help. Help that they can't articulate. Now, whining is a whole other issue.
Posted by: Michele | July 03, 2009 at 09:58 PM
i think the saying should be "terrible three's" bc they are still having tantrums, but they know better. two is such a fun age! there is so much learning and discovery and finding out what their own personality is.
Posted by: bex | July 03, 2009 at 10:08 PM
Yet again I am late and recycling an old post -- one of my favorites -- that matches this week's theme:
http://www.jhsiess.com/2009/07/03/i-get-that-sinking-feeling/
Have a wonderful 4th!
Posted by: JHS | July 04, 2009 at 12:37 AM
I finally got memories:
http://harryjacksmom.blogspot.com/2009/06/photographs-and-memories-spin-cycle.html. Still working to catch up - it's been fun reading :-) Happy Fourth!
Posted by: cyndi | July 04, 2009 at 01:57 PM
I agree with you. I seem to like each stage better than the last. I think that once you understand where the tantrums come from, they're much easier to avoid or deal with.
Great spin!
Posted by: Michelle | July 04, 2009 at 06:57 PM
i totally agree with you.
we tend to love the traits in adults that we most despise in our children. opinionated. focused. persistent.
drives us batty when we are trying to parent it!
but ... i WANT my girls to have those traits! i want them to be strong and powerful. it's a funny line between handling it and encouraging it.
and like the others have said ... 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - and up ... there's difficulties in EVERY age. they just change and get smarter and outwit you a bit more.
up for the challenge???
Posted by: jen | July 05, 2009 at 11:28 PM
Whenever Oscar tantrums I try to remind myself that there is likely a good reason: he's hungry, he's tired, he's board. And it's usually a reason that I can fix fairly easily. I am far more paitent as a parent then I ever dreamed possible, but there are times (like when he's screaming for "OUTSIDE" during a thunder storm, or for "BLANKIE" who he left upstairs and want me to get immediatly while I'm nursing) that I just feel helpless and frustrated. I do think two is a challanging age but I think sometimes I make it tougher than it needs to be. The truth is I don't always have the time to fix everything every second of the day for him.
Posted by: jenni | July 07, 2009 at 09:25 AM