"I have a new top five."
"Hm?"
"I changed some names around, but you'll be able to guess who they are."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"My top five. Don't you know-"
"I know what a top five is. I'm just surprised that you not only still have one, you've revamped it."
"So guess who's in it."
"Salma Hayek."
"That one's easy."
"That's all I have."
"Salma Hayek, Nora Jones, Liv Tyler, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Fergie."
"What about Sandra Bullock? You've always had a thing for her."
"Old flame. She was cute, but it's time to move on. She's not even on the top 10."
"Ouch. Not even a consolation prize?"
"She'll live."
"Wait, you have a top 10?"
"Yup."
"There's only supposed to be five. Why do you have a top 10?"
"That's where Aniston, Jolie, and Julia whatever-her-name is."
"Where am I in that list?"
"........"
"Did you hear me?"
"So, who's in your top 5?"
"Right. Change the direction. Wait, I can't have a top 10?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Mmm...James Marsden."
"Who's that?"
"Enchanted? 27 dresses?"
"Yeah, no clue. Google him. No, wait, that's the guy with the big nose. Yeah, I could see you liking him. Okay, who else?"
"Matt Damon."
"I actually have a man crush on him."
"Okay..."
"Ever since Good Will Hunting, I have to respect the guy."
"Harry Connick Jr."
"That's a given. You've been drooling over him for years. What about George Clooney?"
"I like his movies, but I'm not attracted to him."
"How will he cope with not being at the top of a list?"
"I ask myself that every day."
"All right, who else?"
"Shia Lebouf, Matthew Perry."
"Who's he again? Oh, wait, Chandler? Yeah, he's your type, the geeky kind."
"Cute and comedic."
"Oh, you know who's gorgeous? I missed this on my list. Anna Nalick. I saw her video for 3AM, instant crush."
"Just add water and mix?"
"Stop it."
"Okay, back to my top 5. How many have I named?"
"Five. You're done."
"Well, you got ten, so I should get ten."
"Whatever happened to your crush on David Duchovny?"
"Meh, the sex addiction thing completely ruined it."
"Really?"
"I have high standards."
"So, where am I on that list?"
"......"
"Jen?"
"Just drive."
I don't let myself be drawn into those kinds of conversations with Beloved any more. If I say I find another man attractive, he'll invariably ask me if I want to have sex with him, and I just got to the point where I snap, "No - and you couldn't watch if I did!"
Posted by: Jan | March 12, 2009 at 04:37 AM
Ouch, Jan. ....burrr!
Oh Jen, since I'm a computer geek, my numbers start at 0-5, so I reserved the top "0" spot for you, baby! You'll probably turn this around and say that you mean zero to me or that I said you were a big zero, but, I'll deal with that comment when it comes. luuuuuuv you!
Posted by: hubbyjohn | March 12, 2009 at 06:32 AM
Always a dangerous conversation.
I got a thing for Jeff that hosts survivor - not proud of it, but true.
Posted by: K | March 12, 2009 at 06:46 AM
Aww.. John you are soo cute!! ;)
LOL.. For some reason, Bear and I have been saying Loooovvveee you lately. After the Bear in Family Guy. (Youtube it!)
I try to avoid these conversations too. They always end badly.
Posted by: WickedStepMom | March 12, 2009 at 06:52 AM
WSM- I know exactly what you're talking about. John and I love that episode. John? Nice save. Jan, you must have a very loving husband since John has pulled a couple of those jealous remarks in the past too. It only means he's greedy. Greedy can be good in some respects.. :-)
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | March 12, 2009 at 07:17 AM
Oh, yeah. I told M that if Natalie Portman showed up at the door for him, I'd gladly step aside (that's his #1). He told me he'd invite her in, offer her something to drink, give her a hug and show her the door. He loves me. :) (it's probably a lie but I'll take it)
Posted by: Wendy | March 12, 2009 at 08:21 AM
I actually think these conversations are a good thing. And fun, too. Why hide the obvious? If my husband thinks Catherine Zeta Jones is hot and I am too? Well, I'll take that, thank you very much.
Besides, if any of the top 10 actually showed up, these guys would be sooo freaked out, they could barely get a word out. :)
Posted by: Robin | March 12, 2009 at 08:36 AM
Haha, nice conversation, sounds like one we'd have. But Fergie? Come on John, have some standards. Jamie likes Paris Hilton and I spend my days trying to cope with that fact. Mmm, Harry Connick Jr. I'm all for the dopey/funny guys too.
Posted by: Casey | March 12, 2009 at 08:50 AM
My husband never makes any jealous remarks....I'm going to go sulk now.
Posted by: HeatherPride | March 12, 2009 at 09:07 AM
Ummmm...I've never had this conversation with JR, I'm thinkin' I need to. Since, he really knows what side his bread is buttered on his automatic response will be my name 5 times. But, I'll know he's lying.
Posted by: Michele | March 12, 2009 at 09:12 AM
Great banter. I should probably ask my wife if she has a top 5 or 10 and see what she says.
Posted by: Christopher (AKA: CaJoh) | March 12, 2009 at 09:32 AM
My husband and I have our 1 celeb that we are allowed to cheat with. His was Sandra Bullock, but I think he has since changed it.
Posted by: Kat | March 12, 2009 at 09:35 AM
I have a HUGE (not so secret) thing for Matt Damon.. and my husband has NEVER said one single celebrity that he finds attractive. He's so stubborn.
I spun yesterday, btw!
Posted by: CDB | March 12, 2009 at 10:00 AM
Love it! Sounds like me and Blue Eyes. He used to even have a Top 5 here at the office! Now...honestly...outside of Faith Hill, I couldn't even guess anyone in his top 5!
Posted by: Nothing Fancy | March 12, 2009 at 10:16 AM
So John is a big boob man?
Posted by: Cameron | March 12, 2009 at 10:37 AM
Gonna do a top 5 post today...
Posted by: middle-aged-woman | March 12, 2009 at 11:03 AM
So cute! Instead of a top 5 I call it my "second husband" list. I add and drop guys all the time, which I'm sure my husband loves!
Also, somehow I came across your blog awhile ago and stuck around..just wanted to say I love your commentaries. They always give me a laugh!
Posted by: thegamerswife | March 12, 2009 at 11:14 AM
wow, i don't even have a list. although i think sex with a celebrity is always okay.
Posted by: jenni | March 12, 2009 at 11:37 AM
i love your conversations!
joaquin phoenix used to be on my "five" but now he's on my list of people i want to stage an intervention for. yeah, i have a list for that too.
others on my list? colin farrell, mark wahlberg, matt damon (i'll share), demetri martin.
still haven't filled in joaquin's place. demetri martin replaced john cusack - but i still waffle on that one because i really want to sit down with demetri and light one up and make up songs. nothing sexy per say.
Posted by: bex | March 12, 2009 at 11:38 AM
Good lists for both of you. I even get Matt Damon. Not Fergie though.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | March 12, 2009 at 12:33 PM
You guys are awesome!
Posted by: Sarah | March 12, 2009 at 01:12 PM
My list... Eric Bana, Clive Owen, Gavin Rosdale, Vigo Mortenson, and that blond hunk from Lost. Although I always threaten te Marine that my next husband will be an officer.
Posted by: Sarhi Wiggins | March 12, 2009 at 01:42 PM
You guys are too funny! Way to keep the boredom away and at least you have fun with it!
Posted by: Lori | March 12, 2009 at 02:18 PM
My list makes me look like a nasty olf cougar. :-X
Posted by: Jenni Jiggety | March 12, 2009 at 03:17 PM
My list makes me look like a nasty old cougar. :-X
Posted by: Jenni Jiggety | March 12, 2009 at 03:17 PM