(First things first: You only have until 12:01AM Saturday morning to get your comment in for the fabulous quilt give away! Nothing else like it in the world! Do it now!)
Since the beginning of the "Movement of Self-Awareness" (at least, that's what I call it), TV has become the public foe and secret friend of parents everywhere.
(I still find the irony funny that you weren't giving your infant the head start they needed if you didn't buy "Baby Einstein" DVD's in the 90's. Now, you're rotting their brains if you place them in their bouncy seats for a half hour or classical music and bright colors.)
The American Academy of Pediatrics has been telling parents to reduce TV time for their kids or else their kids will have more problems behaviorally, academically, and physically. (Of course their studies were based on homes where 2/3 of the children involved had TV sets in their own rooms.) The study said to get the kids outside. Play more. Interact with others more. Yeah, I can jive with that.
But, (And everyone has one.)
When did this reduction of TV time hit the other extreme and become the taboo subject among parents? Now, it seems the less TV you allow, the better a parent you are. (Or maybe that's just the way I've been reading it and this entire post is just a reaction of my overly sensitive defense mechanism. There's that too..)
When I tune into a blog these days, the biggies and the not-so-biggies, parents will talk about their child's favorite shows, but follow this information up with the disclaimer chaser "but we only let her watch about 30 minutes a day" or "he gets one cartoon segment and then the set goes off" or "my little Billy has never seen a commercial in his life!". There are alsothose parents who proclaim proudly that they don't even have a TV. (I'd be driving by their house to look for evidence of a satellite dish to back that statement up, but that's just me.) I admire these folks, sincerely I do. But I have a hard time believing things are as strictly enforced as they're saying.
Therefore I am going to lay my life(style) on the line. Here is my admission on TV time for Sprite:
On the way to daycare, her DVD player gets turned on. Why? Morning rush hour is hard enough without a screaming toddler demanding a cheese stick every five seconds. (Yeah, the cheese stick thing. For some reason, the kid likes cheese, especially in stick form. Dairy Counsel has nothing to worry about when it comes to her daily milk ingestion.) It's easier for me to focus on the crazies around me rather than the potential crazy in my backseat as I navigate the road, my coffee cup, my breakfast, my phone, my iPod, my reading, and my cat. (I kid!)( I don't have a cat.) TV time: 30 minutes.
On the way home, I sometimes try to engage her in conversation as I encounter the same crazies again, only this time they've all been through as hectic a day as I have, their blood sugar levels are a little more precarious, and their attitudes a little less forgiving. Our talking lasts about a minute before she throws another cheese stick demand into the front seat. (Oh, and sometimes? She'll switch it up and ask for a cookie! Keeps me on my toes, that one!) On the DVD goes. What's playing? Eh, Curious George, Cinderella, Leapfrog educational DVD that ended up in our collection somehow and is actually kinda cute, whatever seems to be playing. TV time: 45-60 minutes. (If everyone would get the hell out of my way, that time would be much lower, but I don't think the excuse of reducing my daughter's TV time would hold up for running a red light... Should I try it?)
Once we get home, dinner needs to be made. (Or nuked. Most likely nuked.) (See? I'm being honest.)The TV goes on and Imagination Movers or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse get pulled from our DVR's memory to distract her so I can let the dogs out, work my way around the kitchen, and maybe switch a load of laundry out. Granted, her attention does not stay on the show after a few minutes. She generally loses interest and wanders into her room, hunts for Blue or Harry, or tries to scale the kitchen cabinets, so TV time: 30 minutes, give or take 25 minutes. (You think I'm going to count the parts where she's in her room or interrogating a canine? Pfft!)
My big rule with the TV? When dinner is on the table, the set is either off or the show is paused. John is usually still at work during dinner time on the weekdays, so this is the one rule I keep. It's hard enough to keep Sprite's attention on the meal when dogs are looking for a handout or she thinks dipping her fingers in her milk cup and then sucking the drips off her fingers is just the COOLEST THING EVER I BET SHE LEARNED THAT AT DAYCARE!, so why do I want to compete against Mickey instructing us to count ducks while I readdress our latest discussion on "Green Beans: Good for the mouth, not for the floor"?
Sometimes, on those days where my energy level is low, and dinner only makes me more tired, I will cave in (after the meal is done and the clean up crew is working) to a request for Sleeping Beauty. TV time: roughly 30 minutes.
Our weekends are a crap shoot. Sometimes, our schedule is so jam packed with park trips, visiting relatives (both here and elsewhere), play dates, and errands that the TV never gets a first glance. Sometimes, we have nothing but time on our hands and decide a Disney movie is just what we need to start the day off. It varies.
So there you have it. My two year old gets about two and a half hours worth of exposure to the demon tube in a day's time. (I'm even being generous with the parts of the day where it's just on, whether or not she's focused on it.) The recommended guideline for children and TV says it should be an hour per year or under two hours total. Result: I fail.
I still consider myself to be a good mom. I color with her, play with her, talk to her, and read to her almost every night. She hates to see me leave her in the mornings, hugs me tight when I pick her up, and even grants me kisses once in a while.
Am I mother of the year? Hell, no. I don't even think I'm registered to vote in that election. But the fact that I let my daughter get some time in front of the electronic babysitter shouldn't have other parents reaching for their soapboxes to add some height to their scorn for my decisions on how much TV my child is allowed to see.
I've been wanting to address this for a while. The final straw came for me when I was approached by another mother at Sprite's daycare who thought it was so cute that Sprite liked to sing "Once Upon a Dream" from her favorite Disney flick, but expressed some concern that maybe Sprite was watching it too much since she seemed to know the words so much better than a two year old should. It took all the control I had to reign my snark in, even though my answer would have shut her barely disguised criticism down quickly. This mother did not know that Sprite happens to like the song so much because John and I sing it to her often (not because we're brainwashing her with repeated showings until she knows the stupid movie word for word) and I really didn't feel the need to explain myself or my parenting skills. Although I could have easily slipped it in when Sprite came up to me right then and demanded, "Mommy! Sing 'I know you'!"
I know I'm not alone in this. I know there are moms and dads out there who allow more TV time than we do. I know there are those who allow less. I want confessions. I don't want "Here's what you should do" and "Here's what you're doing wrong", I want an honest answer on how much TV you allow for your kid(s). Just be honest. Get it off your chest. And if you don't have kids, how much TV do you allow for yourself?
How do you HONESTLY feel about it? Should it be less? Maybe more?
Maybe, again, I'm just reading way too much into this. Or maybe I'm just in love with the word "honestly" today. Could I have peppered this post any more liberally with it?
And hey! Today marks 365 days of posting! I think I may take Sunday off!
I think people tend to forget that small children are literally sponges for things - the Princess Nagger can hear a song twice and sing it almost perfectly just from two times...and gets frustrated with me when I can't sing the song with her because I don't know the words no matter how many times I listen to it...(grin!!)
As for TV watching for the Princess Nagger, I don't limit her time on watching the shows she loves...I do limit what types of shows she watches, and appreciate the fact that she loves the 'educational' kinds. What I find interesting is that she doesn't sit immobile, glued to the television when 'her' shows are on. She'll be running around, playing with her toys, playing with the dogs or the cat, trying to 'help' me in the kitchen, even reading a book or ten... But the minute I change the channel or put one of 'my' shows on from the DVR, she'll protest... "I was WATCHING, that, Mama!" when clearly she wasn't. I think she just likes the 'background noise' like I do...but she prefers it to be 'her' show rather than 'my' show. ;)
There have been times when I've been busy cleaning up the kitchen or switching laundry while she's watching Sprout, and suddenly she's been into my stash of construction paper and glue sticks and created something from one of the fun craft segments they have... Her television viewing certainly hasn't limited her learning ability, she's in Kindergarten and reads and writes at 3rd grade level... ;)
Every parent is different, every child is different - as for that woman that said something to you? She needs to mind her own business. :)
Posted by: Stacy | February 05, 2009 at 08:24 AM
Why do we even bother listening to the AAP anymore? We have fallen "victim" to the tv and it is the one of the first things we do when we come home. But I get to sit and snuggle with my girl while she watches. Worth the brain rotting!
You are doing a great job with Sprite. Keep it up!
Posted by: Becca | February 05, 2009 at 08:34 AM
Sprite is very smart(Oh Baba is talking about her little girl) Yes you may put the boobtube on but like you said she is not in frount of it all the time. Sprite will turn out fine. Don't listen to other people who think there Sh-t don't stink. Sprite is just like her parents two very smart and good people.
Posted by: Baba | February 05, 2009 at 09:06 AM
You definitely deserve Sunday off!
Jen, I was wondering where you were going with this and why you felt like you needed all this guilt purging, and then it became all too clear at the end there with that other mom's comments!! Jen!! You should have let her have it. I know you have it in you! What did you end up saying? You didn't tell us. Anyway, I really don't give a flip how much TV my kids watch. It's on a lot in our home. In fact, when Logan was a baby Skip and I had a joke - we used to put him in front of the Baby Einstein with his finger foods and we called it "Dinner and a Movie." What the heck, it gave us 30 minutes of peace.
Whatev. We work full time, it's cold here in the winter so we have to stay indoors, and I don't have the energy to schedule creative and educational activities during every waking hour. Not that I feel like I even need an excuse for all the TV watching in my house, btw. But there you go.
Posted by: HeatherPride | February 05, 2009 at 10:01 AM
I am soooooooooooo glad you addressed this! As a stay at home mom, my kids probably watch more tv than yours does.
I can't count how many hours a day they watch because it varies so from day to day. I tried to get them down to half an hour on one very ambitious day and wow! I had to entertain them ALL the other minutes of that day -getting very little accomplished otherwise.
My mom, a child of the fifties, says that in her day the tv was on ALL the time. She turned out pretty good (if I say so myself).
I don't think the tv is as bad as "they" say it is. As for behavior problems, maybe those stem from discipline -or lack of discipline- when the child is NOT watching tv. Just a thought.
Posted by: bex | February 05, 2009 at 10:19 AM
i think you SO have to take into account what the child is watching and if the parent is using it as a strict babysitting technique or do they join in occasionally??
i feel for the child that has the tv on constantly ... with no one checking in.
that said. my kids aren't limited on their tv time either. stella watches. cora could care less. (in fact, i have wished aloud that she would watch more.)
total time - stella? when husband is on a trip ... probably 2-3 hours avg. when husband is home ... maybe 30 minutes? clearly because having two parents around ... makes for less of a need to contain and entertain.
total time - cora? tops 20 minutes ... in the car dvd. (the only time she likes anything ... and that would be dora only.) ugh.
Posted by: jen | February 05, 2009 at 10:59 AM
I love this. Because? I am DONE with other parents and their parent rules having ANYTHING to do with MY kid and OUR parenting rules. The only grey area is if they want to bring their kid over for a play date and our kid's 57 hours of tv time per day cuts into their kids 17 seconds of tv time per day. We lock their kid in the laundry room for that period of time.
Best of luck. And if it wasn't TV, it would be something else some parent would tell you about.
I tell you=DONE! Smile and tell them at least Sprite will have something to sing while she's cleaning their kid's houses.
Posted by: rebekah | February 05, 2009 at 11:13 AM
My Max is in Kindergarten, has a relatively good attitude & just read me 3 sentences in a row last night. He also watches TV for about 4 hours a day, although, like Sprite, it's often on while he's playing or creating. He's only allowed to watch Noggin, PBS Kids, and the "educational" like. (Basically, he's allowed to flip between 5 channels).
I don't limit his viewing to "educational" TV for him or because of the APA's warnings. I do it for ME. When Max watches commercial TV, he starts asking for everything. And when he watches SpongeBob, he cops a sh*tty attitude, almost immediately. So I keep him watching PBS shows so I don't have to deal with an obnoxious, whiney, toy-craving maniac.
Yes, my son watches TV sometimes for 1/2 the day. But he spends the rest of his day going on playdates, creating things, making MAX Scent Soy Candles with his Mommy, singing, playing with the cat, going on nature walks, going to Karate and, most importantly, TALKING TO ME ABOUT ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE'S LEARNED ON TV. I swear, that child knows more about humpback whales than most marine biologists. LOL
I don't pay attention to what other mommy's say. Although, I used to. But I admit that I have, on occasion, thrown in the "Max only watches Noggin & PBS Kids" whilst in a group of New Moms. Hey, I'm only human.
Keep doing what you're doing. Sprite sounds like a truly AMAZING child, which only mean that she has AMAZING parents. I'm going to follow your blog from now on.
Ellen (Max's Mommy)
Jackson, NJ
Posted by: Ellen (Max Scent Soy Candles) | February 05, 2009 at 11:18 AM
I would have let the other mom have it. How completely rude can you get? Not to even MENTION that I'm sure Maddie will have intimate knowledge of all Disney music - not because of the movies, but because I play the CD's nonstop in the car! (I LOVE me some Disney music during the commute. There's nothing better for singing along.)
Madeline's a year old, and she gets tv during the day. She watches probably 15 focused minutes while I start the car (it's COLD here) and like Sprite, the rest of the time she may look up at it once or twice but she's much busier with her toys and books.
I used to worry about the tv a lot, but now that she's bigger and pays so little attention to it, I don't anymore.
And goodness, you need to do whatever you have to to keep your sanity in the car! I am very lucky that it takes me just 5 minutes to get to Maddie's dayhome.
You're a great mom - that other mom can shove it.
Posted by: bessie.viola | February 05, 2009 at 11:21 AM
Oh - and what's with Moose A. Moose on Noggin? Madeline just has to HEAR his voice and she snaps to attention. She LOVES that guy!
Posted by: bessie.viola | February 05, 2009 at 11:22 AM
So refreshing. Thanks. I sometimes worry that people who read my blogs will start adding things up (let's see, you said he watched that movie eight times this week, he watches PBS Kids almost everyday... that's a lot more than two hours a day). All of those phrases that come out of his mouth that people think are so cute? Guess where he gets those. Half of them I don't even know where they came from other than it must have been a movie or show he watched. Last night at dinner he kept grilling the kid at the next table: "State your name." (Double whammy confessional: tv all the time and Taco Bell for dinner)
I don't even keep track anymore. I do try to limit it some days. Other days I throw in the towel and let him watch all day. He's learned his letter sounds and some counting from Leap Frog and Sesame Street. Things I tried to teach him and he wouldn't learn from me. Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I feel proud. Sometimes I just don't care as long as I get the things I need to done so that I am not such a cranky mama.
Posted by: Arwen | February 05, 2009 at 11:27 AM
That woman totally needs to mind her own business! Honestly!
As to the TV limits? Well ... I didn't have any limits on my TV time when I was a kid, and I turned out just fine. In many areas, I was advanced. And my husband had the same experience. So we don't limit TV time at all. We figure people tend to push the panic button on many things and the rules change all the time, so ...
The TV is on practically all the time in our house. Sometimes, it's on childrens' programming. Sometimes, it's on shows that H and I like. If J is watching, we put on cartoons or a child friendly movie for him. If he's busy playing, we'll change the channel; he won't even notice.
Posted by: Momma Trish | February 05, 2009 at 11:36 AM
Spin!
http://viewfromtheshortbus.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-recession-punched-my-baby-in-gut.html
Posted by: HeatherPride | February 05, 2009 at 11:37 AM
Kudos For you! yes...I let Monkey watch about 2 to 3 hours of tv a day. Yes I feel guilty about it. And yes I try to hid the fact that she does watch TV. However I do monitor what she does watch, I don't allow certain shows, and We are usually too busy for her to watch much more than 3 hours on any given day. I
Posted by: Sarhi Wiggins | February 05, 2009 at 11:54 AM
I am soooo with you, Jen. My son watches PBS sometimes, but he loooves Playhouse Disney. I let him watch it too much, but like all kids, he plays around while it is on too. I feel guilty for his 3-4 hours of tv, but hey...he's happy and learning.
Posted by: Jenny | February 05, 2009 at 12:46 PM
My girls are older and we mostly see them on the weekends. They like TV and generally have it on just for noise while they are doing other things. But, I don't feel the need to restrict there time with it. It really comes down to if their homework is done and their chores are completed.
Posted by: WickedStepMom | February 05, 2009 at 01:12 PM
My kids grew up on TV. The TV was absolutely a baby-sitter of sorts when I was making dinner, doing laundry, on the phone, etc. Both of them hated Sesame Street. Rachel watched some Barney. She played T-Ball and she was in baton for years. Now Rachel is 15 and not only did she grow up watching TV, but she also spends her free time playing video games, and doing the whole MySpace/Facebook thing. And I'm ok with that.
She's been honor roll since 6th grade. She is taking AP college level courses in high school. She has never been in a bit of trouble ... never so much as talks back to me.
Like Mama Trish ... I watched TV growing up. Lots of it. And the TV is most often on at our house. Even when I'm home alone and cleaning house, the TV is on. I guess it's like a comfort thing ... I just like having it on in the background.
Even though I did watch a lot of TV growing up, I also read a lot (and so do my kids) and I did spend quite a bit of time outside. I have wonderful memories of spending the entire day in the woods behind the house with friends - building forts - exploring, etc. The problem is that kids can't do that now. They get snatched out of their own yards, from their own bus stops.
Don't you pay a bit of attention to those who think it's their duty to tell you how to parent. What works for you and yours is all that matters.
Posted by: Debbie | February 05, 2009 at 01:22 PM
My 3 year old knows the story lines of all 6 Star Wars movies better than he knows the alphabet. Ok, maybe not number 3 where Anakin goes bad.
Seriously, my kids have the attention span of fruit flies, if they stop and watch a little tv during the day it means I can actually do things. Like bath. And eat.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | February 05, 2009 at 01:27 PM
Not letting your kids watch t.v. was very huge in Laa Laa Land..when I lived there...it probably still is. I didn't care. I let my kids watch what they wanted to watch. And if they wanted to play a game or go outside and play they were welcome and encouraged to do that too.
Now that they are older...they don't watch as much t.v. It's playstation or wii or a game on the computer. I'm sure that there is some study out there also saying this is bad for "our" kids. But, I just don't care!!!
They are happy well grounded kids.
Screw the parents that think they are better because they limit these activities!!!
Posted by: Heather | February 05, 2009 at 01:28 PM
Parenting is hard as hell we do what we need to do so that we are mentally stable enough to love them : ) Good for you for posting this I loved it.
It reminded me of people who are vegetarians and go around telling people how long its been since they ate meat, do I go around telling people how long its been since I have had a vegetable? Um no. : )
Posted by: Sarah | February 05, 2009 at 01:52 PM
Ha, great topic. I go back and forth on this, depending on my kid's mood and sleep schedule.
Since I'm home with the kids all day, I feel like I should be entertaining them and not letting them watch TV so we normally don't turn it on during the day with the exception of:
Thirty minutes in the morning while the adults struggle to get their eyes to focus.
Thirty minutes to an hour in the afternoon/evening while we unwind and get dinner ready (nuked and I don't have the excuse that I was at work all day so boo on me).
That being said, TV has lost ALL OF IT'S POWER and Graham will no longer sit still for it. He instantly wanders away to try to find a breach in security, climb on the counters or kitchen table, beat on his sister or just do anything but watch TV. This saddens me because sometimes I really do need a break from the kids and want the electronic babysitter to work.
The problem is that after his surgery, we let him watch as much TV as he wanted since the doctors stressed how important it was that he "take it easy". He got bored with it and could care less anymore. We did have an intervention about a month ago during his non-sleeping jag where he would SCREAM for Blues Clues all night long so we cut that show out of the lineup for a few weeks.
In the car, I try not to put on the TV since we're usually only going for a ten minute ride or so but if we go to my parent's (which is 45 min away), he gets TV since he gets impatient in the car. Also, on the way home from school when I need him to stay awake, he gets TV. I totally see the need to for watching it in the car as a distraction for people who travel a lot but we don't so we usually listen to kid's music instead.
I guess I wrote a lot on the subject, no? You're not a bad parent and you don't let Sprite watch too much TV. That is all.
Posted by: Casey | February 05, 2009 at 02:11 PM
The TV is on almost constantly when someone is home. This does not mean anyone is necessarily watching it. As with any toddler, the 3yr old tends to use it as background noise.
I have noticed that most moms need to follow up they amount of TV time with some comment about how its all educational shows. Why do we as moms feel the need to justify that our kids are watching TV? And why does everything have to be "educational"??? I let my toddler watch Spongebob, sometimes in large quanties....GASP THE HORROR!! A fun show..a mind melter..his brain is turning to mush!! Give me a break, the boy is a KID, he is meant to have fun, watch something fun...laugh till he cries cuz its sooo freaking funny. Nothing is better than a toddler giving a full on belly laugh. Yes he watches the "birdy channel"(noggin)but this is because he choses too. Let kids be kids...Viva La TV!!
Posted by: Reebee | February 05, 2009 at 02:23 PM
First things first.. congratulations on 365 days! You are a busy Mom, that is a HUGE accomplishment.
Second, we took a baby yoga class when my son was 6-15 weeks old. The baby yoga teacher quoted a "study" which stated the following: for every hour of television a child watches between 0-18 mos, they lose 8-9 vocabulary words. Talk about paranoia (deep destroyer.)
I became paranoid and didn't let him watch anything, ever. Now he's 20 mos, and I have, in desperation, tried to get him to watch Sesame Street, Nickelodean, Disney..nothing is interesting. He watched 2 mins of Disney's playhouse once, and it was like freedom. I'm trying every day.
Yes, this is a confession.. Im' actively trying to get my toddler to watch tv.
Posted by: CDB | February 05, 2009 at 03:09 PM
i'm the mean grandma i think, because i totally lie to the g-kid and tell him that the 2 pbs channels are the only cartoon channels we have. the main reason is that their shows are educational and the REALLY main reason lately is there aren't freaking commercials blasted at him every 5 min. for toys that he thinks "i need that toy, nonna". i am totally training him about wants vs needs and other than that..i don't monitor how much tv time he has.
honestly, when he spends the night, the tv babysits him the next morning. i get his breakfast and turn on pbs and go lay back down. but like sprite, he doesn't sit there transfixed watching the tube. it's usually just background noise to his imaginary play w/his toys, so what's the harm?
Posted by: nonna | February 05, 2009 at 03:49 PM
I let my inner child watch as much TV as she likes. I've been trying to keep it off during the day, but I enjoy the Full House and What I Like About You reruns, so sometimes I cave...
Sprite is a beautiful and well-rounded darling. Don't let anyone tell you less!!!!
Posted by: Deemarie | February 05, 2009 at 06:21 PM