Hope Floats

"Sprite, do you have to go potty?"

"Haf to go potty." She ran for the bathroom, dropped trou, and assumed the position.

Swing and a miss.

It's not her fault, really. It's us. Constistency is the key and we keep locking ourselves out.

For the past three or four months, we've been working (half-heartedly) on potty training Sprite. She had a small success about two months ago and we celebrated with stickers and a victory lap around the living room. Since then? Nothing.

We tried the 5 minute sessions after dinner, which lasted all of two days before we promptly forgot. Securing the snaps on her just vacated booster seat became much more important than practicing her toiletary timing. (Typepad is having a field day with "toiletary". Eh, deal.)

We tried to enlist the help of her daycare. The teachers, wonderful as they are, weren't having any success either.

Then, when we were in Orlando visiting with an old friend, her mother-in-law, a woman who claimed she was so successful with potty training, parents would send their kids in from OUT OF STATE so she could potty train them in a few days' time, offered her advice.

"You need a long weekend at home and lots of changes of clothes." Her theory, summed up for you here, is to place the child on the potty every hour on the hour while keeping them out of diapers the entire time. Any accidents would be dealt with by changing clothes, but the kid would get the hint that it's better to aim for the potty than to aim for your Osh Kosh's. Oh yeah, and M&M's. Put the M&M's in a small tupperware container and show them to the kid. Let the kid know they get one M for peeing in the potty and two for pooping. Then hide the treat, which drives the kid nuts, since they know there's candy in the house, and hopefully, they'll do the doo-doo that they do so well.

Sure, sounds great and all, but a long weekend? Until this last weekend, our van has been racking up the miles on our treks across state.

So, we did incorporate the M&M's, placed them into a tupperware container, and started teasing the hell out of Sprite. And while she did add "Sprite get M&M?" to her growing list of phrases, it was not working the way it was supposed to. Her jaunts to the potty were not bladder motivated, but rather for the off chance we might be gullible enough to fall for the "Gee, I tried. That surely earns me a chocolate candy, right?" face when nothing happened.

So, we laid off the loo for a bit, letting her tell us when she felt like trying again. She did proclaim that we could have an M&M every time she caught one of us flushing a toilet and even announced which color the candy should be. Yellow for John, blue for me. But, alas, her interest in trying to score a sugary orb just wasn't up to snuff.

Then it happened.

I came in to pick Sprite up from daycare a few weeks ago and attached to her daily event sheet was a colorful certificate celebrating a deuce! In the potty! As soon as I saw it, Sprite came running over with all five fingers extended. "Sprite get TWO M&M's!" I picked her up, swung her around and promised her every color the treats came in, I was so proud of her.

Surely, this was a turning point. Surely, the days of diapers would be soon behind us... Surely, I was fooling myself into believing such utter nonsense.

We dove right back into mandated potty practice sessions upon coming home, right before bath, right after bath, "Sprite, why are you squating under the table?", "John, do you smell something?", right before bed, and immediately upon waking up. Nothing. We got nothing. Yet, as soon as that diaper was readhered, she filled it.

The notices from school dwindled down from a "certificate of achievement" to "Sprite went on the potty twice!" to "Sprite sat on the potty/ Nothing" to "Sprite may have looked in the general direction of the bathroom at some point today" to "Sprite needs diapers".

And yet, we trudge on. I have gone from locking the bathroom door to bar everyone from barging in on me during my private time, to actually inviting Sprite in, placing her potty right near mine, so we can sit for a spell together. (And you wondered how women began that whole tradition of going to the restroom in packs. Here you go. And I didn't need a million dollar government funded study to find it out either.) Sometimes, she scores a little puddle and a small dessert of the most desired letter in the alphabet. Sometimes, she gets nothing out of it other than a requested song from Mommy. (Hey, don't knock it. The acoustics in the bathroom kick ass.)

I think we'll have this thing nailed soon enough. Okay, I HOPE we'll have this thing nailed soon enough. Anyone have any other ideas?

Comments

[Arwen]

We're even further behind than you are, if it makes you feel any better. A few weeks ago Beeper started showing interest in the toilet, and we actually got him to sit on it without a diaper on, which was an achievement. So we told him he could put a sticker on a paper I hung in the bathroom everytime he sat on the potty and two if he ever produced anything. He sat on it several times, never produced anything, and lost interest when I started asking him, "Do you need to go potty?" several times a day. I tried letting him pick out some underwear and putting it on under his diaper so he could feel it when he was wet, but that did absolutely nothing.

[The Dental Maven]

Golly. As all parents know, every kid is different. We had a large prize (space shuttle lego) as incentive for a 3 consecutive day success. My guy was jonesing after that shuttle big time. And that's how we clinched it.

[WickedStepMom]

Sorry, I got nothing. Perhaps changing M&Ms for Skittles? Or bribe her with a pony? I am not sure because I have never potty trained a kid.

[HeatherPride]

OK, I know I've said something like this before, but I let myself get way worked up over Logan's potty training. Mainly because he had no desire to go in the potty and he was one of the last ones in his class to get it down. BUT, when it kicked in it was like everything fell into place overnight. Looking back, I wish I had saved myself all the fretting and bribing and falling asleep in the bathroom waiting for a miracle, and just let him figure it out at his own pace.

That probably does not help you at all. But don't sweat it, I swear when it happens you will be amazed at how easy it suddenly is for her.

[Heather]

I used larger prizes as well....noo m&m's for my babies. I bought a toy that they really wanted and set it on the back of the potty. (I never used the little plastic potties) anywho...I would use stickers and for 3 consecutive days of going potty they got the prize. Then I would get them another toy...for 5 consecutive days....then another toy for 7...by then they were potty trained. Haaa...at least during the day they were...it was night time peeing that was hard as hell for me.

[Jan]

It just takes time. She'll get it, really she will. My boys took forever, and my daughter was completely trained by the time she was 18 mos. old (but she has ALWAYS been in a hurry to grow up).

However, my sister could potty train a senile iguana, and when it was coming up on The Young One's FOURTH birthday and we still hadn't hit paydirt, I begged her to take him for a weekend. And by golly, when he came back, diapers were a thing of the past.

What did she do? She kept him in underwear all weekend, and if he messed them up - either #1 or #2 - she gently, but firmly, made him wash them himself in the sink.

Worked like a charm.

[rebekah]

I think...potty happens. One of my boy's preschool teachers told me a few years ago that she has NEVER sent a kid to kindergarten untrained. Motivators may be different from kid-to-kid, but they ALL, unless there is another, underlying problem, get it.

Eventually...

I'd say...she knows what it is, what it's for, and when she's supposed to use it. Maybe it's time to let her develop her talents for inner motivation, rather than this other talent...:D

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

And while you work on that, someone tell me how to potty train a little boy when I am a girl and his daddy is at work at night and....argh!

My kid would be grabbing those M&Ms and hiding under the table with them, chowing down while I say "Give those to me!" and he poops up a storm in his diaper.

*sigh*

Still, I like the idea.

[jen]

m&ms lose their excitingness every once in awhile ...
mix it up baby!
the thing that really worked for us ... go figure ... was the ability to put a coin (spare change, anyone?) in a really loud piggy bank (metal). for some reason ... the ability to be really loud and shake it after going potty was beyond awesome.

[Sammanthia]

My advice is to not worry about it and remind yourself that eventually she'll get there. It seemed like the less I did with the kids, the better they did. When I finally let it go and stopped hovering, they practically potty-trained themselves.

[GreenJello]

I always did the Naked Method Of Potty Training with my kids. Over a weekend, when it's warm, get the potty chair out and ready. And then let the little sweetie go buck naked all weekend.

It does work, when they're ready.

[CDB]

I've heard of this "boot camp potty training" too. Apparently there's a great book out there, that I heard about from my mom's club. I'll find out the title.

I suggest you contact the publisher, review it and give it away on your blog. (smiles)

[K]

Santa brough my little man a potty, but it hasn't been baptist just yet. I can't wait until he is actually using it, but I'm trying not to rush him.

[cyndi]

Like others who have crossed that bridge, my advice is to let it happen as it will - my guys were just NOT ready, and we would have all been happier if I'd waited. We did stickers at first and lots of praise, then one huge prize after a week, which they still treasure, but it is different for every kid. When I was patient, they got it and it's honestly hard to remember diaper days at this point. Nitetime was hard for one but right in line with daytime for the other. GL and patience vibes coming your way!

[Cat]

Just wait until you have to teach her to swallow a pill with water.

[Leslie]

Potty training is the shits. No pun intended. I'm so not wanting to do it all over again with son #2 because I think he's going to be a hard one to crack. He's very into doing things "his way" so it should be a load of fun. Good luck with it though and don't give up - she'll nail it soon.

[Lee Ann Haskett]

Hey sis the only advise I could offer was the M&M's and possibly the change that one of your blogger's suggested. However, I did train Bryan to take a pill with M&M's and it worked brilliantly! Bryan was very hard to potty train and basically had to wait until he was ready to do it. Just keep a routine of putting her on the potty every day to reinforce her to go. She may surprise one day or several days!

[Casey]

I've got nothing for you on this topic, sorry. Graham isn't even allowed in the bathroom with us most of the time since he goes after the plunger/tub/sink/stool/toothpaste/shampoo/soap/razor and any other thing in the room. It makes getting your business done impossible. Good luck and let me know if you figure out any magical tricks.

[bex]

potty training is more challenging for the parents than the kids!

m&m's didn't work for us either.

a chart worked well for the older one. the younger one ... he still enjoys sitting around in a dirty diaper - at 2 and a half!

hopefully she will have an a-ha moment this weekend and you won't have to worry about diapers again ... for another ten months?

[Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy]

I totally understand the sitting on the potty together thing, cause my daughter LOVES to do that and now just assumes that when mommy goes potty that she can come in too. Now that she is fully potty trained, she doesn't go on the little potty anymore, so she just wants to chat and talk about whether I am going pee or poo, and how stinky or not stinky it is. It's just lovely.

As for advice, I really don't know what to say because my daughter basically just said she wanted to wear underwear one day and a few days later she didn't have accidents anymore. Then she regressed and went back into diapers, then six months later, trained herself all over again and now she is golden. Even at NIGHT. We are 100% diaper free and I don't even know how we got here. But I do know that when she had a diaper on, she would go in the diaper, no matter what. We had to go diaper free for her to go on the potty. Thankfully, I stay at home, so it was possible for me to do that, but they probably won't do that at day care, so I don't know what to tell you.

Man, I am SO unhelpful on this topic! I am thinking about deleting this comment altogether...nah, it's the thought that counts, right?

[Rachel]

Hmmm. I'm really no good at potty advice. You know how I struggled with Elizabeth and then practically the second I got her a toddler bed she figured it out. We do have charts again since while she is fully trained to a plastic potty and a big toilet while out, she doesn't like to use the big potty at home. So charts. Which work fine. We are working on a HUGE chart right now for a two-wheeler. It would be going great if Papa could remember the plan. Lilli on the other hand is a potty champion and I keep forgetting to give her M&Ms. I haven't posted about that yet since I'm afraid to jinx it. I really think they do it by themselves when they're ready and if they aren't its just stressful to force the issue.

[Shangrila]

Sounds like she's right where she should be. We always used/will use a sticker chart in addition to the m&m bribe, with increasingly cool rewards (culminating in a trip to the zoo) for certain #'s of stickers. That said, I always come to a point where I say, "Dammit, I've taught them everything they need to know, read 1,000 books about poop ad nauseum, and the experts are full of crap 'cause this kid is never gonna just decide to do this on her/his own!" I promptly give up. A week later, the kid decides they've won and thereafter USES THE POTTY. EVERY. TIME. *shrug*

[Sarah]

I did my spin!! : )

[cyndi]

Oh, and I forgot to mention, this is Dean's favorite movie review ever: 'Hope Floats, and so does s*it'....I thought that was fairly appropriate to this post LOL

[kim/hormone-colored days]

It's a process, sometimes a long one. Speaking of which, take the long view and relax knowing she'll be trained by kindergarten. Or college. Good luck!