A Survival Guide To Disney (Unauthorized, of course!)

Oh, the joys of Walt Disney World! The lines, the food, the screaming kids with the short fuses, the frustrated parents with an even shorter one... good times. While in the parks, I had the chance to relive some of the moments I had treasured as a guest and the moments I had endured as a Cast Member. So, I put together a list of, um, let's call them "survival tips". Unauthorized, okay? (If any Disney people are lurking around this site, we had a great time, threw a lot of money your way, and our daughter's favorite word right now is "castle". You've done your damage. Now let me have my fun.)

And now the tips! In no discernible order..

1. With kids, there are "Uppers" and "Downers". Your child will fall into either one of these categories. While walking, your child will either be in your arms wanting "Down!" to run around or on the ground wanting "Up!" to catch a ride. If you have an "Upper", bring or rent a stroller. If you have a "Downer", take turns on child watch and consider yourselves lucky not to have to worry about the stroller while you worry about which direction your living legacy just ran.

2. If you can afford it, stay on property. If you have a child of napping age, map out your day to include downtime. If you're staying close enough that you can swing three or four hours away from the park without killing the fun, get out before you expect a meltdown and do your lunching and napping at a more serene location than right next to the 80 foot drop at Splash Mountain. Plus, staying on property comps your parking fees. At $12.00 a day for park parking, it almost pays to stay in the land of Mickey!

3. Decide who you're really there for. You or the kid? John and I had already been to Disney many times before we had kids (or each other for that matter), so once we determined that Sprite was definitely in on the Disney vibes, we geared our stay around her. Wait 50 minutes for "Peter Pan's Flight"? Yes. Wait 30 minutes for Space Mountain and then swap toddler with John just to wait a little longer? No. We just wanted to enjoy our time there, so we got out the map, circled the one or two things we knew we wanted her to experience, one or two things WE wanted to experience, and let the rest of the pieces fall as they may. It saved us a lot of stress and bickering (so we could argue about the more important things like whose turn it was to change a diaper) and we didn't leave the parks feeling like we missed out on something.

4. Don't buy your souvenirs until you're ready to go. (Or have them sent to the front of the park to pick up at the end of your day. We did this at the Animal Kingdom and it went smoothly.) I can't tell you how many times I looked around and saw strollers full of merchandise bags and purses, wallets, and personal items. There's a term I used to hear a lot in my Cast Member days. "Welcome to Disney! Leave your brain at the gate." It's completely true. For some reason, people seem to think they're on vacation so their common sense can take a vacation too. Never EVER leave your valuables unattended. John was close to choking me (okay, not choking, but he looked at me funny, that's close, right?) due to the amount of times I reminded him to bring our bag with us on the rides. So, for those people who rely on a diaper bag, how do you get around this rule? Easy. Limit yourself to one backpack. Sprite already had a Minnie Mouse backpack that John had bought her in one of his weaker moments (one of oh, so many) in the past, so I left her diaper bag at home, packed this backpack instead, and made that our one object in the stroller to be picked up whenever we needed to park it for the ride queues. We did leave our reusable water bottles sitting in the drink holders, mostly because it would not have killed us to lose them, and they made for quick and easy sighting when trying to find the stroller the (helpful) Cast Member had reorganized with the rest of the sea. 

5. If staying on property, make sure you notify the Reservations clerk when booking your trip of any special events. Last year, we stayed on property at one of the All Star Resort hotels, a much cheaper option than the upscale hotels which still offers all the conveniences and services of Disney World. While we didn't go to any parks, (We had plans for Sea World with Becca and her family) John did let the Cast Member in Reservations know that we would be there for Sprite's first birthday. The day of Sea World, Sprite ended up feeling under the weather, and as we were standing at Check In, the Cast Member disappeared into the back area and then reappeared with a balloon and a Minnie Mouse doll which he presented to my peaked little girl with great fanfare. This moment began Sprite's raging love affair with Minnie Mouse and that one doll is still greatly treasured. Later that evening, a Cast Member knocked on our room door and presented Sprite with an autographed birthday card signed by all the major characters. The next morning, we arrived at the Grand Floridian for a character breakfast and were surprised AGAIN by the Cast Members and assorted characters singing to Sprite for her birthday and presenting her with a cupcake and a birthday tiara. These moments made every dollar we paid "for the Disney logo" worth it.

6. Watch out for meal plans. Again, a staying on property tip. When booking the trip back in May, we were offered a meal plan, which is basically a blanket rate that includes some meals within the park and the hotels. This is meant to save you money. If you use it. However, it is not available for when you sometimes need it most. The kiosks and travel carts. You know the ones, the Haagen Daz bars, the turkey legs, churros, all the things the kiddies will be clamoring for as it sits so innocently (and conveniently!) at every ride exit. I noticed that most of these quick snack areas had discreet signs which advised that they didn't participate in the meal plans. Neither did some of the quick service meal locations. Which meant, if you didn't make reservations at a participating restaurant within the park and are in need of food, you better break out the wallet. Which brings me to the next tip;

7. If I said it before, I'll say it again, BRING YOUR OWN SNACKS!Thank goodness for raisins and apples. Every time I broke out an apple for myself, Sprite was climbing up on me while "um!"-ing for the next bite. I used the apple trick for when we were waiting for the Christmas show to begin at the Kingdom and needed Sprite in one spot when she thought it was okay to join the dancers on stage.  I used it for when we were at the hotel and she wasn't interested in doing anything other than trying to catapult herself off the bed. Once the apple came out and my first crunch sounded, she was at my side, ready and salivating. I also had some Goldfish crackers and Rabbits on hand for when we wanted her in the stroller and she wanted in our arms. These would distract her and didn't cost us a quarter of what one of the churros would cost.

8. Don't underestimate your child. If you don't know your child's threshold of fear, now may be the best time to test it. Sprite is pretty vague when it comes to her buttons being pressed. Before we arrived at the park, I wouldn't be able to tell you if loud noises scared her. I know she's not a fan of sudden noises, but loud? Not really. (?) So, we tried out a couple of things to see if we would have a reaction. We took her on Haunted Mansion. The Cast Member (By the way, quick Disney insider tip, this is the one attraction in the park in which the Cast Members are encouraged NOT to smile and keep spirits up. They are instead told to spread the gloom and doom with a bit of downplayed sarcasm to remind people that they are in a Haunted Mansion. In Disney World. The happiest place on Earth. Right.) at the entry asked us Sprite would be okay with the noises and darkness as she sat in my arms, looking around the dim room. I answered honestly. "I don't know." The Cast Member retreated, albeit a bit wearily, probably wondering if Sprite would ruin the experience for everyone. But, since I was an old hand at this attraction, I just held her tight, talked to her in low tones throughout the entire pre-show, and she sat between us in the "Doom Buggies" with one hand on each of our thighs as John and I both sang the "Grim Grinning Ghosts" theme song to her. She did fine.

9. Don't overestimate your child either. We passed a couple of families locked in negotiations with an unmoving child over whether or not they would attempt a ride. One little girl, around 5, put her foot down (stomp and everything) in refusing to go on the Haunted Mansion. The mother was already entering the queue, pulling on the arm of the older brother while the father was trying to convince the little girl that the ride wasn't scary. She still shook her head as she stood there with her father quickly losing patience. Then, he turned and pointed to us and Sprite as we entered the line. "See? That little girl is still a baby and SHE'S going on the ride!" We quickened our steps, not wanting to be a part of his weak argument. One thing I've seen back in my years of working for the Mouse which may help, lead your child to the exit and watch other little kids come off the ride. If you see other kids around your child's age leaving the attraction and laughing in excitement about their experience, your child may glean a little confidence from this and spare you the fight. If you see other children leaving in hysterics and their parents almost to the point of tears themselves in frustration and embarrassment, you might want to imagine yourself in their shoes twenty minutes into the future (give or take the wait in line) and ask yourself if it's really worth it just to say your kid experienced it.

10. Plan your timing. Do you like standing in hour + lines in the hot hot sun while sharing breath with the hairy, sweaty dude who doesn't seem to understand the meaning of personal space? Come in the summer. Oh, and don't forget the foreign tour groups! (I used to have nightmares about those damn flags the guides would wave about, signaling a hundred Brazilian teenagers about to descend upon my ride and make everyone else's wait time miserable while they cut the queue, disassembled the ropes holding everyone in, and sang their chant songs, humorous to themselves, obnoxious to others.) (Hm, this may sound a bit offensive to some people, and I mean no offense to Brazilians as a whole. Let's put it this way. Take one hundred American teenagers, 2 guides barely old enough to sport chin fuzz, and a lack of supervision, you'll end up with the same equivalent, only more understandable when they're insulting you. Better?) This all happens during the summer. From June until early September, expect every day to be this way. If you have the freedom of choice, choose to go during the off season. We picked the middle of December since school still wasn't out yet, and we wanted to experience Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party. (The decorations are gorgeous this time of year.) Doing this meant less crowds in the park, and cooler weather to enjoy.

There's plenty more, but it's the New Year (Happy New Year, by the way!) and I don't want to overwhelm (or underwhelm) you.

Again, to any Disney people, my kid is all about the Mouse, my snark is meant in pure fun, and I haven't been paid bupkis, so don't sue me!

And while I'm full of bravado (and maybe a little wine), let me suggest something to Disney. While we were there, I was looking all over the Kingdom for any Imagination Movers merchandise for my little one. You had NOTHING! Here's where you missed the boat. You would have gotten an extra hundred out of me, easy. Just a suggestion. (Don't sue.)

Comments

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

I will keep this list handy should we ever make it down there....the snacks idea...sounds great! uh-oh...my free time is over. The child is awake! Gotta go!

[Michelle]

Great ideas. One of my big pet peeves is a parent like the one you quoted. In 10 years she'll be telling her kid "Just because so-and-so is doing it, doesn't mean you need to" and asking her to AVOID peer pressure. ::eye roll::
Now, I'm not one to quibble over a great post like this but I think it's missing... well... visual aids (aka, I'm a sucker for the Sprite pics ;)).
Happy New Year!!

[Rhea]

Great survival guide!

Happy New year!!

[Kristi]

This was a great guide, LOL :)

I love your writing, btw, came over here from BabyCenter as I see your comments! You are extremely entertaining! :)

[Michele]

The last time we went was with adult children. We loved it! Taking the boys as children then again as adults was really something.

We bought the meal plan the last time because I figured that was the only way we would all come together during the day. I made reservations for lunch and dinner at different restaurants throughout all of the parks and hotels told the boys where and what time they needed to be there then let them loose. Not something you could do with little ones but great for the older ones.

They still talk about this vacation 3 years later. We plan to do it again. Makes a wonderful stress free Christmas.

[Krystal]

oh yeah, now that is a true survival guide!!! I have never stayed on property but know that it is a huge convenience!!! I do have my purchases shipped to the front of the park though - alot better than lugging it around - getting it to the car, now that is another story!LOL

I also know what you mean about under/ over estimating your kids - they change over time and have to test them every so often (Little Man used to love the Buzz Lightyear ride, last time we went - he freaked out!)

Oh by the way - here is my spin http://mommysescape6.wordpress.com/2009/01/01/spin-cycle-new-years-resolution/

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! TO MANY WELL WISHES IN 2009!!

[The Stiletto Mom]

Where were you when I dragged my then 3 year old and infant to Disney?? I could have used ALL of these tips!

Happy New Year!!!

[Sandie]

Great survival tips! The last time we went to Disney, we had one less kid. I'm kinda afraid to try it now!

[Jim]

Great stuff. Much of this works for other amusement parks too. You are a font of wisdom :)

[shonda]

We are planning on taking our kids in 2 years, so I will keep a bookmark on this page. However, I didn't see pack alcohol or some other feel good for momma?

[blissfully caffeinated]

Those are awesome tips, I'll have to remember to re-read this before we go to Disney World next year.

Happy New Year!

[vodkamom]

that damn Disney.......

[Sarah]

Oh I can't wait to go to Disney World with my gang someday I will definitly remember this list! : )

[Heidi]

I love DisneyWorld. We are planning on going in winter of 2010 with a possible saperstein reunion in mind :).

I remember when Mike and I went there for our honeymoon and you got us front and center on your ride! All we had to do is mention your name to girl that greeted us at the door. It was awesome!

[goodfather]

Yowza! I'm permalinking this post for myself - we're planning on going to Disney Land/World in the next two years, and these tips are worth their weight in mouse ears. ;)

Happy New Year! I hope this is a great year for you, John, Sprite, and your family and friends.

[Amber]

So dang useful! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. My kids have been to Disney World/Land several times (with their dad..he works for an airline so they fly for free). I'm sure they could teach my a thing or two as well. Although I'm sure they would suggest we buy EVERY SINGLE churro, slushy drink, stuffed animal, magic wand, pirate sword we could find. All within the first 3 minutes we were there.

[Laufa]

Love the Haunted Mansion, the best time on that was when the Cast Member jumped out at our buggy when we swirled around the corner. So much fun!! All great suggestions, I agree with them all. I grew up in FL, so Disney was my playground. A lot of people don't realize they can have their items sent to the front after they purchase them. Some of the sales people don't even mention such a thing.

[Casey]

These are all great tips. The more I read about your Disney adventures, the more I'm thinking about breaking the "no Disney until they're 4" ban and taking the kids sooner. At least the older one.

[Captain Dumbass]

If we ever get lucky enough to go, we'll call you.

[steenky bee]

Oh dear. We did Disneyland last spring. I learned so many things. The biggest help? A kind mother instructed me on my first day to never stop rolling my stroller, just keep it steadily going. She was right. Once I stopped, everyone cut in front of me. By the third day, I was hitting everyone's achillies with the front wheel of my stroller. I was steering that thing with a vengence.

Okay, sister, I'm back on. I'll submit my resolution spin next week, so I'll be late, but I'll participate in two spins for the week to catch up. Missed you!!

[Deemarie]

Great tips!! If I ever head to Disney, I'm so calling you for even more suggestions!
Happy New Year, my dearest friend!

[carrie]

I have not been in year so the info is totally useful. I plan on taking snacks, a water bottle for each and the one serving packets of propel water....done.
We are staying at the Nick Hotel.

[WickedStepMom]

This guide will work in any amusement park, not just Disney! Thanks for the tips!