"Just Give It To Her!"

The alarm sounded at 2AM.

I rolled over on the Aero-bed, my senses immediately awakening with the grim realization that it was Black Friday and the pride that I had been able to set my cell phone alarm correctly, although I would have to listen for it at 2PM since I am technologically known to change the inner workings of gadgets. Just don't ask me how. I am a techie enigma. (I personally like "techie wreckie", but John doesn't think that phrase will catch on.) (Oh yeah, and throwing the cell phone across the room will not turn the alarm off. It merely activates the "snooze". FYI.)

I stumbled to the guest bathroom in my parents' house, my heart already panging with loss since John and Sprite had taken the smart approach to Black Friday and gotten the hell out of Dodge. (They were camping at his mom's until I was done shopping and screaming from the Post Traumatic Stress.) (Funny though. They had left Dodge and driven off IN a Dodge. No, not that funny. Never mind.) My father had taken the same path and was lying low at my sister's place with my nephew while my sister (Brave or insane, I haven't decided yet.) joined us for this demanding after turkey ritual.

Our motley crew quickly and corner-cuttingly (Can I use that as a word? Guess what! I did!) made ourselves presentable and semi-awake and trudged out to Dunkin Donuts for sustenance (The coffee! DEAR GOD, THE COFFEE!!!) before staging the ground attack on the mall. (The air raids had been called off since Mom thought they were in bad taste. In response, I made her coffee a decaf.)

I didn't have any plan in mind. There were no hot ticket items I just had to go to the gauntlet for, (I'm shopping for a toddler who's more interested in canine mind control than anything else and other children who are not my own. Let THEIR parents duke it out for the latest in Wii fashion. I'm totally all right with being the lame aunt who was under the impression that Pokemon was still considered "cool" even though she sneers at the mere mention of a Pikachu.) (The fact that Typepad itself is not demanding a Spell Check on Pikachu shows me how old that show is.) so why was I there in the first place when I could have happily joined the mass of Cyber Monday clickers and saved myself the stress and strife?

Defense.

My mother and her best friend, whom we shall refer to as Roni*, are Black Friday veterans. They have been going since before I can remember, their start time earlier every year. (I think next year, they may not sleep, merely leave the table after they're done with their turkey and truck right over to JC Penny to stalk the front doors.) I have joined them for over a decade, only skipping once when I had just given birth to Sprite a week prior and had decided to excuse myself with a newborn and still possibly gaping hole in my abdomen. So, to say I was used to their escapades... well, I just said it. 

I have seen them hightail their way through a department store in the wee hours for a door buster sale, I have myself been sent sprinting down the long corridors toward the middle of a store for $10.00 coupons to the first one hundred people. (I got me two!) I have seen their husbands sent out at all odd hours to places like Brandsmart, Toys R Us, and Walmart for oddtastic deals on Game Boys, Elmo's, whatever item whose price was so low they're practically giving it away!!!, since we could not be in three places at once. (Two places a possibility, three? Never tried.) (Yet..)

Mom and Roni* have been known (and mind you, these women are two of my favorite people in the world) to pick fights, pull them apart, and generally get on the nerves of store employees, when they catch said employees in a pricing snafu. This is why I am usually there to run defense for them and against them. (I've never had to open the manual for "against them", but hey, it's Black Friday. ANYTHING goes.)

Quick example: One year, Mom and Roni* happened to be perusing the watch sales at a department store. They noticed some Fossil watches of very nice quality mixed in with other more generic varieties in a bin marked "All items under $15.00!". Mom and Roni* located three or four of these rare deals and and brought their booty to the register to ring up. The prices came up as $60.00 or $80.00 for each of the Fossil watches. Not ones to meekly pay the register price when the sale price had clearly said $15.00, they immediately notified the clerk of where they had found the watches. The clerk didn't know what to do with these women, both of whom were already measuring her up. A manager was called. The manager quickly tried to dispatch the two women with an explanation that some other customer must have placed some Fossils with the others and that it wasn't a store problem. Mom and Roni* then led the manager to the display and started pulling Fossil watches from the bin one by one until it was confirmed a customer had not been behind this mix up, but a (gasp) store employee. The manager acquiesced that yes, this was a mistake on the store's behalf, but the watches were not on sale. By now, a small crowd had gathered and was watching these two women, both in their 50's, take on the big bad chain store. They saw my two mothers go head to head with the manager who quickly realized that, while he could dig his heels and not let them have the sale price the item was clearly marked at, this may make things a whole lot worse, so he quickly had another employee confiscate the problem causing bin o' time pieces and quietly told another employee to just "give it to them". They got their deal. War won. (Huh, that example wasn't exactly quick, was it?)

Nowadays, we don't run into these little issues too often. The stores are usually a lot better about making sure the prices reflect the actual amount they want to receive, and Roni's* picture has been placed in the break room of several fine retailers with the caption "DO NOT SELL TO THIS WOMAN!".

However, this year, another hiccup. Same store too. Some retailers never learn.

Roni's* daughter Lisa has been joining us for the past couple of years and found a great deal on kids' digital cameras for 19.98. A door buster sale, in fact. Nestled in the same display with no pricing sign to suggest otherwise were some digital camcorders, also geared towards kids. Lisa noticed this great deal, snapped a camcorder up for her son, Lee mentioned how her son would also love one, and I grabbed one for him. To the registers!

Lisa made it to the front of the line before I did and when the clerk rang up the camcorder, $40.00. Mom and Roni were flanking Lisa's back, ready to go to war on the poor unsuspecting clerk, but Lisa held up her hand. She would run offense on this one. She explained the display and price to the clerk, the clerk retaliated with the ad showing the camcorder marked at $40.00, and Lisa dug her heels refusing to nudge on her stance.

A manager was called in. My guess is that there were a couple of other pricing problems rising up that morning, since it was only 4:30AM and the manager's make up was running as well as her stockings and her blood pressure. The manager tried to explain the ad to Lisa, who smiled patiently the entire time,  (she's a NICU nurse, the woman has patience coming out her pores) and explained again that this was not her fault that the camcorders had been placed in the wrong display and this was false advertising and the store should honor the price they were leading the customer to believe the item would be. The manager was done with it. She snapped to the clerk, "Just give it to her!"

Lisa immediately called me out of line and to her side. "She has the same item and thought it was also supposed to be $20.00." (I love family.) The manager took two seconds pause and said to the cashier, "Just give it to them! But no one else!" She then started barking orders into her phone to pull the rest of the camcorders from the display. Lisa and I both ended up scoring a $80.00 camcorder, which had been reduced to $40.00 for a sale, and further reduced to $20.00 thanks to a stocker who was in clear need of a lunch break.

I won't tell you the rest of it, but I made it back to my Aero-bed in one piece by noon and was able to blink out a couple of hours of sleep before John handed the child over and said "My present better be large".

Next year, I will participate in Black Friday again, barring pregnancy or injury. The way this "recession" (I can say it! It's legal now!) is going, I think injury will be more likely.

*Name was not changed. Her name really is Roni. Totally had you going there, didn't I?

Comments

[Tara@Sticky Fingers]

That is just a brilliant brilliant tale. I was totally hooked all the way through.

You need to pimp your mum and Roni out - she is a sale queen!

[Baba]

Now that was fun! And you use to think we were crazy.

[Deemarie]

We were out and about at midnight. But we were done by 6:30. So I got a few hours of sleep before heading into work. I also didn't need anything in particular, but I spent a lot of money!!!

[Deemarie]

Oh, and mom and Roni? And Lisa?? Rock.

[Michele]

Here's my spin for this week. http://michele-dogslife.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-letter-spin.html

Now, I'll go read your post.

[Cameron]

I have avoided Black Friday like the plague for years....mainly because I hate people, let alone many people in a small area. I hate them exponentially more. Plus the whole waking up early thing...just doesn't do it for me ;) To each their own.

[Michele]

Wow, you got a shark for a mom. How cool is that?

[Jennifer]

Your story was enthralling! I was hooked!

I have done Black Friday in years past, but this year, since I'm in the middle of nowhere, SD, I opted to stay home. I've been clicking all week, and the list is getting smaller. Finally.

I think I'd dig your mom and Roni. The whole crew really!

[kirsten]

Did Black Friday once and had some lady try and haggle a toy away from me sorry lady should've been quicker! NEVER AGAIN! To crazy for me and I don't want to be trampled to death. Glad you made it through unscathed and with a few good deals.

Can I borrow mom and roni when I go shopping?

Kirst

[carrie]

I want to shop with ROni*!!!
I got a few *extra* deals on Black Friday and all-in-all is was a sucess.
2:30??????? That is insane. I got up at 5:30 and was at target by 6:02. Good enough for me!

[HeatherPride]

Would you believe I spent 33 years of my life not even knowing what Black Friday was???!!! Podunk me!! It took a sister-in-law to show me the light. I'm on my 3rd year now and making up for lost time. I love Black Friday!!!!!

Congrats on the camcorder! SCORE!

[goodfather]

YOWZA! Lisa is SO COOL under pressure, to call you in when she got the deal! Awesome. NICU nurses are a force to be reckoned with.

And awesome story! I too was totally hooked the whole time. :D

[Cat]

Great story. You guys are cracked for going out on that day every year! I hide under the bed until Saturday rolls around.

[jenni]

awesome story!

[Casey]

You guys are ruthless, I'm staying out of your way! I don't have the courage to stand up to them when it's mismarked and I usually end up paying full price. Grr. You are so brave to deal with that crowd, I was cowering at home all day.

[Michelle]

Congrats on the great deals. You are far braver than I. I don't think you could pay me to go shopping a) that early b) on black Friday...
Love the post!

[Rhea]

I want y'all on my team. You guys totally rock. Impressive bargaining skills (or shall we just call it what it is? bullying. hehe)

[ralph]

the meek might inherit the earth, but they will continue to pay $40 - $80 for camcorders. i cant fight with those folks. i just say "ok" or put it back on the mismarked shelf.

[Jill]

LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Great story - actually I think you've inspired me to tell some of my "black Friday" tales! This was actually the FIRST year in I DON"T KNOW HOW LONG that I DIDN'T shop on BF! I actually thought I'd get a call from the retailers association or something!
Great story!!

[Krystal]

I am so totally dying to know which store that was so I can go dtalk thm. Heck, if they could screw up during Black Friday, who's to say that they won't do it again? Heck, I need all the help I can get!

[Heidi]

I wasn't fooled by you trying to hide Roni's name :)

We didn't do Black Friday this year (Mike did last year). We bought everything before the holiday. Now, if the kids will just stop wanting to add to their lists...

[Sammanthia]

I would love to see your mom hitting people over the head with her purse and running them over with her shopping cart. That would be AWESOME!

[D.M. Wright]

I am in awe. You guys scare me. I don't even leave the house on Black Friday!

[D.M. Wright]

I am in awe. You guys scare me. I don't even leave the house on Black Friday!

[D.M. Wright]

I am in awe. You guys scare me. I don't even leave the house on Black Friday!