Good morning. As the ambassador and namesake of Sprite's World, I am here to speak to you about a troubling matter affecting toddlers all over the world.
My council has spent minutes upon minutes researching a troubling epidemic sweeping the world and I am using my status to speak out against this horrible and unjust practice.
In fact, my own behavior was called into question during the 2008 Emmy Awards. Therefore, I have taken personal responsibility for calling attention to this hated condition.
I'm talking about naps. Naps are the number one cause of disrupted play time among children ages 1 through 4. Naps have been responsible for lost play time, lost tv time, lost reading time, and most importantly, lost doggie hunting time.
Due to this deplorable system of parent enforced slumber, toddlers have had to endure hours of nursery rhymes and misdiagnoses of "She's tired" and "He needs a nap" when the child is only trying to explore their world, their community, protect the environment, etc. Children are missing opportunities to learn, to express their individuality, and express their emotions with these daily snoozes.
Plus, after nap times, toddlers have been documented to be quiet, reserved, and stationary when there are walls to be colored, songs to be screamed, snacks to demand. This had led to earlier bedtimes, missed opportunities to test the limits, and less activity as a whole. I have spoken at length with random groups of toddlers who are "tired" of this treatment and are looking for solutions.
I am asking all toddlers out there to join the effort to abolish nap times, for these alleged "nap times" are mere ruses for an even worse affliction, parental free time.
Have you ever wondered what your parents do when you are banned to your room? Have you ever wondered if they're truly sleeping as they promise you they are? I cannot count the number of times - I can't count, but that's irrelevant- that my own parents have told me that they themselves are going to sleep and the dogs are going to sleep and all my Minnie's have already fallen asleep in an effort to have me lay down in the middle of the day.
Yet, after they leave my room, if I listen very carefully, I hear Blue's collar jangling or Harry growling, or Mommy and Daddy talking. And sometimes laughing! Having fun! Without me!
We have confirmed findings that parental free time can lead to refreshed adults, destruction of carefully placed toy masterpieces, and worst of all, a possible sibling.
So, please, take the time you would normally set aside for napping and join me in fighting this enemy of energy. Together, we can all sandblast the Sandman and take back our toddlerhood.
It's time to put naps to sleep.
Now is not the time to give zzzz's a chance.
This message paid for and approved by Sprite.