Mommy's Half-assed Helper

Cool. My title has ass in it. That keeps me trendy.

Sprite has been starting to help out around the house. I like this. What I don't like is what it's doing to my OCD organized space. ARGH.

She loves to help throw something away. Every time you say, "Sprite, can you take this to the trash?", her feet move quickly as she races to the can to throw away the item of choice, almost like if she doesn't do it quickly enough, someone will swoop in and steal her prize and feed the garbage monster instead.

I can hand her a diaper (wet, of course) and trust her to take it to the right receptacle, or at least go in the general direction before her toddler brain gets sidetracked by one of the dogs or the dog bowls. Lately, she's been eager in trying to help out, however her views of what belongs in the trash can are a bit skewed.

For some reason, she likes to place her shoes (specifically her sneakers) into the trash can. Maybe her inner fashionista is just done with her Winnie the Pooh sneakers and is trying to drop hints (along with the shoes). Now, my nightly closing routine has expanded to checking the waste basket before we send it to the curb to make sure she has something to wear to school the next day. I have also found a Tigger Mega block, one of her books, and a couple of pieces from her shape sorter. (I'm very glad she can't lift the dogs or I'm sure I'd hear whimpering from the trash can one of these days. Definitely Blue. Harry's way too smart.)

Basically, she's become a little helper and has assigned herself certain duties that only she may do.

Sprite's chore list includes:

Closing every door. It doesn't matter if you're standing in the path and your toes are in the way. The door must close and if you get sideswiped in the process, that's your own fault. (And, she comes back to check her work on this. If you wait until she's walking away to open the door again, you can hear her feet pounding closer to make sure this door stays CLOSED!)

Wiping her tray. When you hand her the wet wipe at the end of the meal so she can wipe her hands and face, she instead uses it to wipe her tray and THEN wipe her hands and face. (Her system has a few flaws. We're working on it.)

Official dog punisher. If we yell at one of the dogs, Sprite immediately stops whatever she is doing and joins the fracas to dole out any additional commands we may have neglected. She has also added pinching to her punishment and hitting. Pretty much Blue only. Again, Harry is a little too smart for Sprite.

Dishwatcher. No, not dishwasher. Sprite must stand at attention whenever I am cleaning the kitchen after dinner. When I open the dishwasher door and pull out a basket to start loading it, she immediately must push the basket back in, and pull the door up to close the appliance. We have had several stand offs with the dishwasher door and the time added to my cleaning routine. They usually result in me crying Uncle ("John!") and steering her away so I can finish in peace and my fingers can stay in one piece.

Restraint snapper. We are no longer required to snap her restraints. Nor are we allowed. She now has to do it herself and reward herself with a "Did it!" And we must respond in kind with "You did it!" (Failure to respond appropriately will earn you a tantrum.)

Dog feeder. Again the poor mutts get to suffer. (I think they're blaming us since we're responsible for bringing her into this world.) Sprite has begun rationing the dogs' meals in such a way, she counts their servings in fistfuls. One fistful goes to Harry. One goes to Blue. One goes into the water dish. (Even if it's not hungry.)

Dog watcher. Finally, something in which no contact is required. When we get home from work, the dogs immediately get snapped to their leashes and let loose so they can, well, let loose. Sprite must watch this happen. (I'm hoping this may help in some way with the potty training.) She also has assigned herself the role as commentator. "Boo, pee-pee." "Airee, pee-pee." "Airee, poopy." (Again, I'm not all that keen on watching my child watch the dogs as they mark up my lawn, but some little part of me is REALLY hoping, again, that this helps with the potty pushing.)

Light yanker offer. Every night before bed, she must be lifted into our arms to yank the chain controlling the light controlling the ambiance controlling her sleep schedule controlling the rest of my night. If she does not get to yank the chain, I don't get to enjoy my night. Nuff said.

Sprite assigns herself something new about once a week. It shows me she is growing. It also shows me how much control a 20 month old has over our home and how we're doing nothing about it.

Although, watching Harry lately, I think he may have something in the works. I don't know. I'm getting vibes..

Comments

[Wendy]

O I love little girls! Tess helps out, too. She stands in a chair and helps me wash dishes. Sort of. Also stands in a chair to help me cook.

I wonder if watching the dogs do their business will cause her to believe she is supposed to poop and pee in the yard?

[Rachel]

Ok, I have been lurking on your blog FOREVER (ok, not forever, since the WoW post since I have an addict for a husband, but since I couldn't beat him, I joined him), but this is the first time I have not been able to contain a comment, and so my lurking days are over. My older daughter assigned herself identical chores. Except translate the dog parts to three cats. Otherwise? IDENTICAL! Is this a stage? Why is it not in my parenting books? Will I have to go through this again with my just turned one-year old? Aieee!
PS, one reason I lurk is because I live where you live (Probably not next door, but you've got to be somewhere down the street. Of course I'm not a stalker, so if I figure it out I promise not to show up at your door)and I just find that completely fascinating. Oh yeah, and also I totally love the way you write!

[Sprite's Keeper]

Thanks for the comment, Rachel! That's very cool that you're local. If you recognize me, please introduce yourself. Unless Sprite's in one of her moods, then save yourself!
I have another WoW post coming out tomorrow if I can finish it tonight.
Wendy, I thought about Sprite getting the wrong impression from the dogs, but if it helps push the potty training into full steam ahead, it's a win, right? Right?