Leap of Faith

I promised myself I wouldn't discuss this. I promised myself I wouldn't open Pandora's box and spill its contents for all the world to see (all 10 of you). I also promised myself that I would not curse in front of Sprite, so, eh.

I am Jewish. (With all my talk of guilt, you probably knew that.) I come from a Reformed (more like really relaxed) Jewish upbringing in which I was a Hebrew school drop out before I turned 10. I have a scientific approach to religion in general, but I believe there is a God because I choose to. There has to be a Higher Power for us to be here. But I digress from that. (And regress, which is actually progress, and I should really try to stay on tangent here.. I guess.) (Sorry, couldn't help it.)

John is not Jewish. Yes, his last name is Cohen, but he is Catholic. Born and raised in a Catholic household that went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. His parents are still very dedicated to the Church they're affiliated with and even help with the masses.

When I first met John, I caught the Cohen and thought to myself, "Ooh, a nice looking Jewish boy!" In fact, I didn't believe him when he told me he could speak fluent Spanish. ( I was wrong on dos counts.) But, he had nice eyes, so I started dating him.

Well, guess what? We fell in love. When we started talking marriage, the topic of religion came up now and then, but never really raised too much of an issue. We were married by a Notary and I changed my name. My relatives didn't question it either, most of them assuming I had not gone the gentile route and married me a goyem since I went from one Jewish sounding last name to another. (In theory, since he is a Cohen, I'm only bending the rules, not breaking them, right?) (Right?)

Religion reared it's holy head when we found out we were pregnant. Which way would the faith pendulum swing? Dum dum dum..

We looked into our histories and discovered some interesting things:

John's family actually originated in Austria (which is where his dad and his brother got their brilliant blue eyes) WAY back when as Jewish Cohen's and ended up in Venezuela and Dominican Republic where one of the then Jewish Cohen's met and married a Catholic woman. In the Catholic and Jewish faith, religion follows the mother, therefore Catholic Cohen's ensued. (A lot of them. I mean, one of John's ancestors had around 69 kids according to my father-in-law, who I thought was teasing me at first, but no one has clued me in yet as to if he really was kidding or not. And from what I understand, there's a whole lot of them in the Dominican phone book, so there may be some truth to that..)

No such adventures on my side. My religious tree looks like a telephone pole as both my parents were born and raised Jewish. I did the dreidel spins, stared wistfully at other people's Christmas trees, and celebrated the 7 days, 8 nights of Hannakuh (also spelled Hanukkah, Channakuh, etc. Pick one.).

So, knowing we were about to bring a little girl into the world, the families started buzzing about whether or not she would be baptized or named by a rabbi or, gulp!, live in blasphemy.

John and I weighed all the options and talked at length about how to resolve this holy issue and keep it from turning into a holy war.

During these discussions, I found out some interesting things about John's upbringing. And this is coming from him, so, if any of it is wrong, it's all on him.

As an infant in Venezuela, he was circumcised by a Mohel (sometimes pronounced moyil). For those unfamiliar with Judaism, a Mohel is a specially trained, um, circumciser who does the procedure as part of a religious ceremony in which prayers are said over the baby boy as he gets his bits hacked at with a butter knife. (I kid, I kid!) (Steak knife.) (Again, for this and this alone, SO happy we have a girl.)

So, John actually has dabbled in the Jewish faith. (Well, a part of him dabbled in the Jewish faith.) (What, poor taste?)

Anyway, moving forward, John was baptized and raised Catholic and that's where it counts.

When we made the decision to raise Sprite in the Jewish faith, we made a couple of provisions as well.

1. She would be exposed to both faiths as much as possible and we would celebrate Christmas as well as Hannakuh. (i.e. Santa will be making a stop at our home this year. He may ignore me, but the fat man is gonna give my little girl presents if I have to hold Rudolph hostage.)

2. She would be raised with a belief in God, as both of our faiths agree on it.

3. I will not stop her from going to church with her grandparents when she's in town for it and will also encourage her to go to church on the special occasions like Christmas Eve (which is actually quite beautiful).

My only limitations are her being offered communion, not because of what it represents, but because of what it represents. (Hm, this needs explanation. I know what communion represents, but I consider it more an of insult to the church and us looking ignorant if my daughter is taking the holy wafer when she's not baptized.)

So, we made it official. 3 weeks after her birth, we had a baby naming in which she was given a Hebrew name and officially introduced to the Jewish community. (A small little get together held at my parents' home where the family Rabbi said some prayers over her and everyone shouted "Mazel Tov!", and we ate. And ate. I called it a "Bagel and a Blessing.") My in-laws were in attendance to support us in our decision and this has brought all of our families closer together.

John calls Sprite and me his Jewish girls and my joke is now that I kept looking for the Jew in his family and it turns out it was me.

We're happy with our decision. Sprite is happy and she would be happy no matter what spiritual decision we make, because right now, the only thing that counts in her eyes is that Mommy and Daddy are there for her and each other.

Amen.

(Ooh, was that Amen snarky even though I didn't mean it to be? Oh, now I'm feeling guilty!)

(I am so gonna be smote for this.)

(Dude, my mom just called as I was finishing this. How does she DO that?)

Comments

[Baba]

Hey I learned from a Pro your Baba had eyes in the back of her head she knew when I was doing things I shouldn't.(even when I was out of the house and married).

[Wendy]

Thomas is Catholic, too (he's Filipino, another Catholic country, so...). I was raised Baptist, and later Lutheran, but now I don't go to church. We have some issues because I don't exactly believe in church anymore. We were going to start going to a Catholic church, but they told Thomas he would have to be re-confirmed because he was confirmed in the Philippenes. Makes no sense to me.

The whole point of all this is just to say you have to do what works for your family. And it sounds like this works for you. I can't wait until December to hear about all the craziness!

[andrea frazer]

Out of curiosity, why the fear of discussing it? You seem to have a super handle on the situation. And wow, so interesting. A non-Jewish Cohen? We talked about that before I know. Love your family history. Next year you WILL go to Blogher so I can learn more. Meanwhile, have a great Monday.

[Kirsten]

Sounds like you've got everything under control! Mazel Tov! Glad you came to a neutral resolution.

Take Care
Kirst

[HeatherPride]

Hey, I think you guys are being real "grown-ups" about the situtation! Way to compromise!

[Lisa (Jonny's Mommy)]

Love the line "dabbled in the Jewish faith, or at least part of him."

Har!

Sorry. But that was funny.

Glad you two are able to compromise and I'm glad you shared this part of yourself.

I'm a Christian, but when I met Hubby, he was a "sort of Christian." There was a lot of prayer and beating around the head and shoulders and now he goes to church with me. I'm kidding...no beating...just chants of "heathen! heathen!" while we marched in circles around him and prayed, as well as reading from the Bible. Oh and throwing anointing oil all over him.

It worked anyhow. Shew. Would have hated to bring out the cross and the priest for the excor...what?! I'm kidding.

Seriously. This was a very informative and good post.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Thanks, all. I try to keep my views of religion out of the pot since it can sometimes come out bitter when all you're trying to do is make something sweet, and now I want cake...
But, there's a big family shindig coming up at the end of August which involves a big chunk of my extended family being in one place at one time and the guilt will be flying! I'm sure I'll get some good stories out of it, and if I don't, lots of pictures of Sprite, whom I'll be using as my excuse the ENTIRE weekend.. John can find his own excuse. I'm just kidding. I would never do that to him ...anymore.

[Kim/hormone-colored days]

Finally getting over here. I've never heard of a non-Jewish Cohen either, but alas he's got a bit of it afterall.

What an interesting family history John has. I'm the telephone pole, like you.