World of Warcraft. (Anger building....)
If you like the game, you should really stop reading now. Yes, now.
If you don't like this game, read on. (And hi! I think we'll get along just fine.)
If you hate this game with all the heat of a thousand suns, I love you, kindred spirit. I'm about to trash it. Make sure you're wearing your safety goggles. Big purple elephants are gonna get hurt...
John has been playing this game for months now and it has taken residence on our computer screen every night, clogging John's mental arteries, stealing our time together, and making me pissy.
He logs on every night at 8pm, earlier if I can't get to the computer fast enough. We have had (playful) shoving matches trying to trip each other over, both of us racing for the machine. Whoever sits in the chair first wins. I usually lose. A lot. (Especially the nights when it's my turn to give Sprite her bath. John, you're SOOO busted...)
In his defense, he does wait until Sprite is in bed (most of the time unless counting the above occurrences) before heading to his addiction. So, I'll give him that.
I just don't understand the draw of this game. For those unfamiliar (consider yourselves lucky) with World of Warcraft, it is an online role playing game (Akin to Dungeons and Dragons, only you get to play in your underwear since no one is physically there with you...except the wife in the background who is plotting your motherboard's death) in which your goal is to complete levels. There is no winner (because that would mean the game ends at some point. And this game does not end, hence my hatred.). There is only surviving. You perform certain quests, you make friends with the other online players, form cliques and alliances (like public school, only on this, you pay a monthly fee for the social torture you spent years trying to escape) and you can even be good or evil depending on your preference.
There are races and species of characters, villages, entire cities, magic performed, etc. This game seems to offer many parallels to reality, except it ISN'T.
Millions of people are addicted to this game. That's right, I said ADDICTED! Divorces have been finalized due to this game. Lives have been lost due to this game! (Okay, not literally, but there are people on this game who spend DAYS living in their alternate universe, not caring that reality is just beyond the 19 inch screen they are so focused on. I imagine these people see everything in pixels.) (Ooh, wait. I CAN relate! I used to play Tetris on Nintendo. And after playing the game for a while, I would start to picture everything around me as if I were still playing the game. I used to dream about Tetris. "The Simpsons" had an episode where Homer went through the same thing trying to cram a slew of garage sale purchases into his car after playing Tetris. Very cool episode...AND we're walking..)
I have stood behind John and watched his character for minutes before I thought of something better I could do. (clean my bathroom grout...clean my neighbor's bathroom grout...)
Did you know the characters have to walk everywhere? John's character doesn't just begin another quest right after he finishes the last one. He has to get to it first.(Like visiting relatives who live one state over.) They walk or ride their big purple elephants (I think there are different options for these creatures, but John prefers something that looks like an elephant and it's purple, so there you go.) to get to the next village or wherever the next quest begins. John says this usually takes about 20 minutes or so depending on where he's going. That's right everyone, twenty minutes of walking and watching the virtual terrain pass you by. This mean he spends a good part of his time staring at his character's butt as his character walks or rides to his next adventure. (Oh, yeah, you can personalize your character's appearance too. John's character has a very well developed hiney and not much fashion sense. Honey, Rainbow Brite went out in the 80's.)
The characters can team together with others to complete a quest or just gang up on an unsuspecting or weaker character and beat the virtual snot out of him. (Online bullying even affects this game!)
John told me that his character gets killed several times a night, sometimes several times within an hour. (If you pause the game to pee, get a drink, put your eyes back into your head, your character can get killed just for standing there. He often needs backup to protect his character when he has to pause. ..Can we say virtual gang violence?) He then becomes a ghost and is sent to a graveyard to be resurrected, and then he can go right back to what he was doing. Which was walking, basically.
John and I have bickered over this game. A lot. We have an agreement for the most part. Saturday through Thursday, he gets to play from Sprite's bedtime until 10pm. I'm not allowed to bother him during this timeframe unless I need his help immediately (like killing a spider) (or taking out the dogs) (or "Honey, I think we need to paint the bedroom. Would you like to look at some paint samples?") or there's an important call.
On Fridays, he gets to stay up as long as he wants to play the game until his gaming buddies realize, whoa, they actually have a life they need to get back to, or John falls asleep. And I won't bother him. Really, I'm very good about this.
Sometimes, he forgets and goes beyond his time limits and I have to come after him to stop suckling at the game server's teat and come to bed. I don't like to do this. And my attitude about it usually tells him in no uncertain terms that I don't like to do this.
I'm trying to be a good wife and let my husband have his hobby, but this game just pisses me off. We have several married friends (John has tried to recruit me into this cult of theirs, and failed) who game together and have a lot of fun with it. They spend their time together virtually. (I guess dinner and a movie are just so passe now, huh?)
John wouldn't want me on this game anyway. I would make his virtual life a living hell. I'd have my character go after his character just to nag him about taking out the trash. While walking or riding our big purple elephants to the next quest, I would keep telling him to turn the radio station or "let's pull over somewhere, I gotta pee". I would bring snark into a realm where snark has never dared to enter. (No, I'm not going to. I actually love my husband despite his stupid gaming ways and I'm just not interested in wasting my evening hours on this when I could be cleaning the afore-mentioned bathroom grout.)
I guess I just don't see why so many people would choose to exit reality and enter this virtual world where nothing you do actually impacts your life. The game does not increase your social skills, because, let's face it, you are still alone in your own home and projecting yourself or who you wish you could be into a pixelated being that will always only be a figment of your virtual imagination. This game will not make you smarter. This game will not make you richer (unless you sell your character on Ebay to some really stupid schmuck who will buy virtual merchandise just so he doesn't have to take the time to complete the levels himself). This game will not help you network. And if it does, um, yeah, not going to wrap my thoughts around that one.
Okay, I'm winding down. My rant is done. I have to get off the computer now because John is right behind me wanting to get back to his game. Looks like he has a lot of walking to do. And I'm heading to my treadmill, because, frankly, so do I. (Is there a correlation here? .... Nah!)
(By the way, if I've gotten any of this wrong or misquoted something about the game, I really don't want to know or be corrected, because, honestly, I DON'T CARE!)
(Oh, and John, if your gaming buddies have your character meet them in the back of some alley in the netherworld for a beatdown cuz your wife snarked on WoW, um, have fun!)
...are you done typing this post yet? C'mon! I have some important "walking" and "beatdowns" to do.
...oh, and if any of my co-gamers want to take me for a beating, BRING IT!"
Posted by: John | April 24, 2008 at 08:11 AM
Oh my gosh, Jen - I'm so with you! I got here because of your comment on Babycenter that your only fights with your husband are due to his gaming, and I wanted to check and make sure we weren't married to the same man. My hubby isn't really into WoW (thank goodness, because I have seen too many good, good men waste away in front of their computer screens thanks to the game) but he's into plenty of other games. I guess that's the price we pay for marrying geeks who are wonderful in every other way.
Posted by: Ash | April 24, 2008 at 01:00 PM
/comfort
My husband and I used to play WOW together for a couple years - to the point that we were GMs of the furthest progressed guild for our faction on our server. But, I found that giving up one thing - WOW - opened up a whole new life. Although I miss the friends I made, I get a whole lot more done in RL. Bragging to my husband about this has recently made him a bit jealous that I see the light of day outside and partake of other entertaining activities. WOW does suit him, he is a bit like the Wizard - he would rather be heard or read than seen.
Good luck with finding a good balance.
Posted by: Prettyneato | April 24, 2008 at 01:25 PM
Alright Jen,
(For those who do not know me, my humor is cynical which means a lot of screaming and finger pointing but in the end it’s just a rant that I’m having fun with. If this is offensive to someone please understand it is just a joke)
Let me try to explain and defend my friend John. I know you are a very educated strong willed woman and living with you for several months, I know your personal time is spent doing things that you deem worthy.
I will start with your first paragraph. Stealing time… What time? The time you guys are watching TV together like a mindless drone, laughing at the jokes you have heard countless times in other sitcoms, talking about how you like a particular character in this TV drama and rambling about it for hours and hours afterwards. Does the show Friends and Scrubs ring a bell? Would you call this quality time spent together?
TV, books and crochet are activities hence the word ACTIVE. What WOW or any other game brings is interactivity. In a book the story is already laid out for you and you are vicariously living someone else’s life. In a game you are control of the life and making decisions that govern how well this character evolves and competes with others, and god knows John could use some kind of decision making in his life even if it is in a pixilated world.
Would it be any different if he was a mechanic and spent this time in the garage building a motorcycle or hotrod? If he was doing the laundry and re-arranged the towels differently then what you are accustom to would you not complain about his folding skills? If he spent his every waking hour with you, would you not complain that he needs his own life and you need some space? The question you need to think about is before John started playing WOW what was your major complaint about him then?
I’ve been married for almost 12 years and alive for 36 and this is what I have noticed from both being married and watching my parents ... People get old, gas prices always go up, heath insurance is a joke, it’s always easy to pick on a world leader when living in a free country and wives will always complain about their husbands. Truth be told, I said it, the cat is out of the bag. Come one everyone say it with me “Wives will always complain about their husband” Their we have said it, it’s kind of an eye opening isn’t it.
So pick your poison cause in the grand arena there are husbands that cheat on their wives, drink till they drop, neglect there fatherly responsibilities, get in to fist fights at the local pub, get arrested and much much more. If you can’t think of any others, then I suggest you turn on the local news. You live in south Florida, I’m willing to bet that within the 1st 5 min of the news there is a story of someone’s husband, boyfriend, or ex-husband that did something catastrophic.
You should be thanking your husband for picking a hobby that keeps him home in the house, with in ear shot and around in case there is a real problem. You should be thankful he is not out getting into trouble.
Don’t get me wrong, if he is neglecting his child, work, and you front yard grass is 8 inches long or he takes a 5 day vacation from work to sit in front of the computer with a 24 case of coke and a bag of cheetoes gaming away and only getting 2 hours of sleep a day… then yes, congratulations you actually have a real problem.
Let the guy have some fun, life is too short.
P.S. If you are OR thinking about scrubbing the grout out of your neighbor’s house I would suggest seeing a doctor cause your OCD has gotten way out of control and that my friend, is a real problem.
Love you guys miss you.
Posted by: Richard Beatty | April 24, 2008 at 10:23 PM
Obviously Richard did not read the beginning of you post. "If you like the game, you should really stop reading now. Yes, now." or maybe he just likes you husband an dnot the game?? He also didn't read your Babycenter comment about "this is all we really fight about...please don't hate me" I loved you post. Or maybe he didn't read John comment, buz it sounded to me like he(John) was a good sport. Anyway, good luck with your WoWer.
Posted by: Irishmama7 | April 24, 2008 at 10:36 PM
sorry for all my misspellings I need to go to bed :)
Posted by: Irishmama7 | April 24, 2008 at 10:38 PM
Thanks for the support, everyone. Richard, I think your comment needed a response and therefore its own post.
Posted by: Jen | April 25, 2008 at 08:37 AM
Would you consider this a problem? When I get up in the morning he's on it, when I get homebfrom work he's on it. When I go to bed he's on it. When he watches our baby she'll spend hours next to him watching him play it in her bouncer or watching TV so she's occupied. He's turned down going out with he and friends because he's "got a raid". Sometimes his hygeine suffers, I'm sure his health is too. He'll come out of the room when he's "flying somewhere" and has some time to spare. Granted not all days are like that but many have. I've suffered, I feel our child is too. He doesn't see a problem. I'm not going to play, I've got work to do and a baby to *really* take care of. I've done it all but toss the computer out the window. I don't hate the game itself, I don't hate the players, I just hate what it does over time to my family.
Posted by: Becky | April 25, 2008 at 10:47 AM
Oh, Becky, I am so sorry! That IS a problem, one that my husband had years ago when playing Diablo, another role playing makes me want to kill the computer game. It looked like he was always on it! With this game, he does have a time limit which works for the most part. 2 hours throughout the week, always after Sprite has gone to bed, and on Friday nights, he can stay up as long as he wants, as long as it doesn't make him completely down for the count on Saturdays. It does work well for the most part, but I still hate the game itself. Maybe if your husband sees that you are ok with him playing and just want to regulate it a bit, hopefully he will also adjust as well since it really is a two way street.
Good luck and let me know if it helps!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | April 25, 2008 at 11:32 AM
Thanks for having my back, Rich!.
I think what's most important, is to come up with a fair agreement between the both of you and stick to it. Once accomplished that, it's been pretty smooth.
So here's to gaming and family balance!
...I always say, I could be out every weekend (all weekend) fishing, hunting, golfing, bar hopping, etc. as many friends of mine and other family men do!
Posted by: John | April 25, 2008 at 12:28 PM
Hey Jen, Thanks for the advise. I've tried compromising. I told him that after the baby things HAD to change. The thing is that he can work from hom (tech support guy)and will WOW while working. His job never suffers though. Good thing too. I should've seen it coming. It's been going on for years. I know all about Diablo and about a dozen or so other games. On a particualr occasion I walked right into the office and said "Me or the game." I got a reaction but not the one you'd think. As for him taking care of our daughter during the day. I've been told that as long as her "basic needs" are being met I shouldn't be mad and be happy I have him around. But "basic" is not good enough for me. I think hobbies are great, I have my own hobbies. But hobbies aren't meant to be ways of life. I'm glad you and your husband found a balance.
P.S. love the site, just found it from babycenter.
Heads up- Starcraft is coming out with a new game. I live in fear.
Posted by: Becky | April 25, 2008 at 04:37 PM
Wow (sorry, not to pun or anything), Becky, that sounds rough. I know geeks. It sounds like you have a hardcore one. Thanks for coming over. I love Babycenter, btw. You probably see my comments on there all the time!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | April 25, 2008 at 06:47 PM
Jen. You need to pitch this very story to the New York Times' 'Modern Love" or "Lives" section. Or Salon.com. Really, it's brilliant. Do it now.
Posted by: Betsy | April 29, 2008 at 07:27 AM
There is something that always gets lost in blogs by people who hate what WoW has done to their marriage. This is not a problem with the game. This is a problem with the person and their own personal inability to handle it. There are millions of couples that suffer due to alcohol or drug addictions. Those are not due to the drugs or the booze being unfairly addicting. It's because the person does not maintain control of themself. I play Warcraft 12 hours a week, 3 nights for 4 hours to do raids. This is what my wife and I agreed on because this is my hobby, I do it after our kids are in bed, and on nights when I'm not "supposed" to play, I don't unless she meanders off to sleep early and I have nothing else to do as the night winds down. I maintain control of myself in regards to how and when I play because I'm not insane enough to let it destroy my marriage or my relationship with my kids. I wish people would keep this in mind more often. Properly place your hatred on the addiction, not on the game.
Posted by: Soly | April 30, 2008 at 06:00 PM
Soly, I completely understand and agree with your comment that the focus should be on the person's addiction and inability to control themselves, not the game. It sounds like you and your wife have an agreement like John and I do. I do think that, like drugs and alchohol, there are certain aspects of the game that can trigger the addictive personalities, but that's going way above my head. I don't like the game itself for what it entails and the violence and the big purple elephants, but I love the fact that John has an online group of friends he likes to hang out with and talk to. And the game has not ruined my marriage at all. In fact, if you read my follow up post on "Hating the game, not the players", I said I actually like my evenings with John doing his hobby and me doing mine. But balance can be teetering and a few missteps could have us back where so many other couples are treading. I appreciate your comment and John will appreciate the backup. :-)
Happy gaming,
A respectful Wife Aggro
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | April 30, 2008 at 06:24 PM
Oh my goodness. Thank you for this blog. It's one I have wanted to write for awhile but don't have the words to do so. I hate this game. I've been trying to set boundaries with my husband for many weeks now. As of today, I go to bed alone and wake up alone (usually at 4 am to pee) and he's still sitting at the darn computer. Ugh. Let's start a support group. We'll call it WoW-Anon.
Posted by: Lisa | May 05, 2008 at 07:13 PM
My first fight with my husband was after we had been dating for 6 months... and it was about his gaming (of course, back then it was Everquest... then there was Dark Age of Camelot... Star Wars Galaxy....) I think the gaming thing bothered me so much because my good friend was married to a guy (my husband's friend) who was so absorbed in it that he wouldn't even get off his butt to go for a walk with his wife... or even get the mail. It was pathetic. Long story short, there was a lot else wrong with that marriage and it ended. I think I worried early on that my husband would be like that guy... he ISN'T. Sure, sometimes he plays too much for my taste, but I let him know, and he backs off a little. He has "Raid night" three times a week now... that gets on my nerves a bit, especially on Friday and Sunday... but I feel better if I sit in our office with him and read a book while he plays. Yes, he "geeks out" and wears the head phones so he can talk to his fellow guild members (whom I've met at the yearly Ren Fair, by the way... and yes, they call him by his character's name, not his real name), but I told him how it makes me feel unimportant when he closes me out like that, so now he wears them only on one ear if I'm back there, so if I say something to him, there's less chance I'll get ignored and consequently pissy. Ultimately, it is a balancing act, and it's not always perfect, but I am SO thankful that I have a husband who is receptive to my feelings. So, when he wants to show off his druid's new gear, I ooooh and ahhh. When he explains (with a straight face) that he HAS to join the Tuesday night raid because the's the only shadow priest, I do my best not to laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. And when South Park shows the WoW episode, we make popcorn and cuddle up for a good laugh. :)
It's nice to know that there are so many women out there who understand the phenomenon that is WoW... and the gamers we love.
Posted by: Suzie | May 05, 2008 at 08:26 PM
Lisa, I think a support group is definitely a great idea. Scheduling game time worked best for John and me, though. Now, I'm allowed to poke him after 10pm.
Suzie, I read your comment to John just now and his response to the gamers calling each other by their character names was "What a geek". I laugh at him. A lot. Oh, and John says his schedule on WoW needs to change due to the raids. It's like his office asking him to work late.. Scary.
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | May 05, 2008 at 09:41 PM
I totally agree WOW is a horrible game. I almost got divorced and became a single mother of two. My husband lost his job and played for hours and neglected the family. I finally had enough and said it is the family or the game. We came to an agreement and he plays a couple hours a night. I am ok with that now and he gets his game time and I get the family time. I still hate the game
Posted by: Jaime | May 05, 2008 at 10:11 PM
If you form a support group I would LOVE to join! My husband and I had a huge fight over his addiction (on weekdays he plays from the moment he gets home from work to the time he goes to bed, and on weekends from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed). I felt like a single mother but his presence in the room made it worse since he was right there in person yet not available to help me in any way. We set limits as well, basically he can't play when our daughter is awake. It's worked out well but sometimes he hops on when I'm feeding her and stays on for a while longer even when she's done eating. So it's not a perfect solution but I'll take it.
Posted by: sputnik | May 06, 2008 at 12:52 PM
I think there is alot more to the story than just him playing wow and you being upset. Yes I play WoW, but no I am not taking sides on your marriage.
One thing about us men, is that when we feel nagged or like we are being forced to give something up (something we love doing), we get stubborn. Have you asked John to get off the game? Have you discussed things with him in a calm manner and sat him down and told him how everything makes you feel? Walking in the room and saying "its me or the game" isnt going to be productive for either of you. What things do you expect him to do when you want him off WoW? Does he actually like doing those things or is he only doing it because you like them? The reason why I play sometimes (maybe 2 hours 3 days a week) is because I am so stressed out about work, the economy, my fiance, her son, my parents, that I want to get away for a while. If I watch TV, all I will be reminded of is the things I am already stressed out about.
These are all things you have to consider because in a marriage, its give and take, on both sides. If he played WoW or games before the baby and before you got married,
Rule #1 of Marriage: Never marry thinking you will change someone.
Getting married means you accept the good and the bad of that person, till death do you part. Without expectation of you changing them somewhere down the line.
There is hope for you, the fact that he regulates his playtime means that he does care. It will take sometime, but really try and find out what other alternatives you can offer each night that will be something he enjoys also, something the both of you can enjoy. And try not to get nasty or give attitude, because he will go running back to the game if he feels his efforts are for none.
Posted by: Joshua | May 07, 2008 at 09:55 AM
Thanks for the comment, Joshua. I hope you're not getting "marriage troubles" out of my rant. Nope, we're good. I would never give him the satisfaction of a divorce. Again, a joke. There are some couples out there who have a very hard time with the game, but we have reached an amicable resolution with schedules and timeframes which suits us well for the most part. If you look further in my site, there is a post called "Hating the game, not the players" in which I respond to Richard, his comment is above. Really, we're ok. I get to snark on his game, he gets to play his game. That's fair, right?
From the comments I keep seeing on this post, it's definitely a hot topic, but I like hearing what everyone has to say, the lovers and the haters both.
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | May 07, 2008 at 11:32 AM
Thats good that you guys are finding a middle ground :). What I have learned is that with most issues in marriage, no one person can fully have their way, have to meet somewhere in the middle. Which can and will be frustrating at times for both people.
Posted by: Joshua | May 07, 2008 at 01:39 PM