Hating the game, not the players

(Editor's Note: I read the comments on my WoW post this morning, and while most of the comments are very supportive of my WoW bashing ways, one really stood out. I mean, it was 900 pages long. It had to! So, I'm reprinting it since I believe it needs a response. This commenter and I have had many verbal sparring matches over the years. I respect the hell out of him, so it's okay if I rip into him a little. He won't mind. Honest!)

Alright Jen,   
(For those who do not know me, my humor is cynical which means a lot of screaming and finger pointing but in the end it’s just a rant that I’m having fun with. If this is offensive to someone please understand it is just a joke)

Let me try to explain and defend my friend John.  I know you are a very educated strong willed woman and living with you for several months, I know your personal time is spent doing things that you deem worthy.

I will start with your first paragraph.  Stealing time… What time?  The time you guys are watching TV together like a mindless drone, laughing at the jokes you have heard countless times in other sitcoms, talking about how you like a particular character in this TV drama and rambling about it for hours and hours afterward.  Does the show Friends and Scrubs ring a bell?  Would you call this quality time spent together?

TV, books and crochet are activities hence the word ACTIVE.  What WOW or any other game brings is interactivity. In a book the story is already laid out for you and you are vicariously living someone else’s life.  In a game you are control of the life and making decisions that govern how well this character evolves and competes with others, and god knows John could use some kind of decision making in his life even if it is in a pixilated world.

Would it be any different if he was a mechanic and spent this time in the garage building a motorcycle or hotrod? If he was doing the laundry and re-arranged the towels differently then what you are accustom to would you not complain about his folding skills? If he spent his every waking hour with you, would you not complain that he needs his own life and you need some space? The question you need to think about is before John started playing WOW what was your major complaint about him then?
 
I’ve been married for almost 12 years and alive for 36 and this is what I have noticed from both being married and watching my parents ... People get old, gas prices always go up, heath insurance is a joke, it’s always easy to pick on a world leader when living in a free country and wives will always complain about their husbands.  Truth be told, I said it, the cat is out of the bag. Come one everyone say it with me “Wives will always complain about their husband” Their we have said it, it’s kind of an eye opening isn’t it.

So pick your poison cause in the grand arena there are husbands that cheat on their wives, drink till they drop, neglect there fatherly responsibilities, get in to fist fights at the local pub, get arrested and much much more. If you can’t think of any others, then I suggest you turn on the local news. You live in south Florida, I’m willing to bet that within the 1st 5 min of the news there is a story of someone’s husband, boyfriend, or ex-husband that did something catastrophic.

You should be thanking your husband for picking a hobby that keeps him home in the house, with in ear shot and around in case there is a real problem. You should be thankful he is not out getting into trouble.

Don’t get me wrong, if he is neglecting his child, work, and you front yard grass is 8 inches long or he takes a 5 day vacation from work to sit in front of the computer with a 24 case of coke and a bag of cheetoes gaming away and only getting 2 hours of sleep a day… then yes, congratulations you actually have a real problem.

Let the guy have some fun, life is too short.

P.S. If you are OR thinking about scrubbing the grout out of your neighbor’s house I would suggest seeing a doctor cause your OCD has gotten way out of control and that my friend, is a real problem.

Love you guys miss you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, Richard,

My old roommate, husband to a wonderful woman, father to 3 beautiful children. (So I guess all your time wasn't spent gaming then, huh?) Discounting your political preferences, there's nothing bad I can say about you. About your comment, well, you're right. The fact that John is there if I need him (read paragraph um, somewhere in the middle, about the spider killing) is wonderful. He has never put the game over me or Sprite in many years. (Now, if you want to get into Diablo territory which I thought we buried years ago, you'll have to admit we had a problem.)
I have gotten over my Friends addiction and even stopped Tivo-ing old episodes (I mean, even I get a little tired of the Ross/Rachel cycle), but Scrubs remains a favorite (which you really should watch since Dr. Cox and you are remarkably similar-in a good way!).
My confession is, I have gotten used to having my evenings to myself. I use my treadmill, read, write letters to Sprite, campaign for literacy, the time is pretty much well spent. We've settled into a routine which I am very comfortable with.

I am completely aware of the levels of addiction and what it could be like and I'm very happy to say John is nowhere near that. He understands his priorities and he knows what comes first. (Did that just sound redundant? Yes, yes it did. Should I fix it? Maybe later.)

Oh, and one more thing I actually don't mind about the game. This game gives John a chance to be with his friends, even those who live states away. This game keeps him connected with you (one of our beloved friends) and others who have joined your GUILD. (That was correct wordage, right?)

I cannot fault him that. I cannot fault you. You two are both devoted fathers, husbands, and men. I am proud to have you both in my life. So, I refer to the title of this post when I say it's okay to hate the game, not the players.

I do take exception with one of your comments about controlling your character. Yes, reading a book is passive and you live vicariously through someone else's words while reading. However, controlling your character in a computer game is also passive (well, maybe passive aggressive since you all like to whoop ass on other players) since none of it is happening in real life. (There are also limited choices since everything your character does relies on the server's programming--ooh, that sounded geeky! Anyway, your character can only do certain things.You do not have the ultimate power. You have the power the server allows you to have.) There are people who live their entire lives as meek, understated individuals, afraid to make their own choices and live a reality, so they choose to enclose themselves into a virtual safety blanket of characters and power, none of which is real, and none of which will help them deal with actual society.

That is my problem with the game. While I can read and get into a book, and become engrossed with the characters, the book has a beginning and an end. The book ends, and I am back to reality, and the dishes are still not done, dang-it. With WoW, the game never ends. And I think this is where the addiction happens. Players get caught up in the game and don't know when to put it down since there is no ending. There is not really a way to just get up and say, "You know what? I'm done. I'm calling it a night." Nay, nay. There are more quests to be done, more enemies to slay, more characters to beat the ever-loving crap out of. (Reminds me of clubbing days when you saw the partiers who could not come to terms with calling it a night. They stayed until the owners or homeowners kicked them out.)

Maybe if WoW had time limits, and you were only allowed to get to certain areas within a 24 hour time span, us spouses and significant others would be more accepting of this pastime. (But then we wouldn't be able to complain about it. Life would be without drama. We as wives would have absolutely NOTHING TO NAG ABOUT!!! Scary stuff, that.)

And now, unlike the game, this response must end.

I must get back to the dishes and the laundry and the grout cleaning, and crap, there's that spider again..

With much love and respect, (And a guilt trip-it wouldn't kill you to visit!)

a Wife Aggro

Comments

[Bret Bell - another addicted gamer]

I would first like to say well done Jen. I don't know you but I have interacted with your husband through the hated game. (also a real life friend of Rich’s) I also hate the game! But use it as a means to communicate with friends and people that I don’t normally get a chance to. Sometimes that might be in the same room (kind of like the text messaging commercials you see these days) or across the country, but it is still interaction. So for me it is more the people in the game then the game itself.

Unlike your daughter (yes I did read the Mensa post), I am not as interested in reading as it has always been the bane of my existence. Talk about making my eyes hurt and taking up a lot of time, since it sometimes takes me multiple times to understand that nana is a banana. Not that I am dumb as I can still get up, dress myself, make it to my job and function in society. But if I can log into a machine and use what brain cells I have not killed off yet to get some enjoyment with friends, I can’t see a good reason not to do that. That is why I play a game that I hate.

Ending is such a vague word as it can be interrupted in many different ways. Much like a book (where you can read to the bottom of the page or the last page in a chapter) the game is very similar. Yes you always have some other quest or some other person to beat down. There is always another chapter in the book or another book in the series or more books to read in the library. So I can see where the book would have the words “The End” printed in it at some point where that could get confusing. Also I can see the draw of a book to where you don’t have to wait on someone or take time to travel to a place to read the book. Or do you?? Maybe you have to find a quiet place and get that place prepared for you to sit (or lay) in one place for the time period you have set aside to complete the reading task you have put to yourself for that day. Understandably you don’t have to look at a big purple elephant butt while you do that but sometimes you have to do things you don’t like to get to the things you do.

In becoming elder in our years I think games are more to keep the competition alive in our spirit. As we have become more sediment and less likely to be on a sports team or able to go run around without concern of pulling a muscle or breaking a bone. Society has brought us up to compete and strive to be the best. But with age comes limitation and with gaming comes the freedom to compete again. One day we will be plugged into the game or virtual reality like you see in movies. Taking the real life completely out of the equation, which will let that limitation of age be even less restricting. So gaming is more of an extension of our youth and less like the day to day work that all of have to do. Most people if asked would say they would rather be 10 and have no worries then 30+, with a job and kids/responsibilities to take care of. Now there are other things that can do this but to each their own.

I think I have rambled on long enough, and in closing would just like to say this is in fun and hope you got some enjoyment out of reading it as I did writing it. Just thought I would throw out a different spin on what I had read in your post. Happy Friday, and John see you on the game tonight.  Bret “B” - Baaldor

[Sprite's Keeper]

No, no, no! I am supposed to be standing firm on this subject! Too many good points in Bret's comment! Can't. Back. Down. Shows. Weakness.
Well said, Bret. Sometimes, it does take time and energy to read a book if your toddler decides "The Monster At the End of this Book" is the only literary masterpiece you will be allowed to pick up that day, and oh yes, she must be in your lap at all times for it.
Good food for thought, thanks for the input. I'll make sure to give John your message and since it's Friday, you can have him all night. (Just make sure you keep him out of trouble.)

[Betsy]

Wow! I didn't read the whole comment from your friend, but was stuck on the fact that he said it is preferable to have your husband home, in front of a computer, rather than out getting drunk. Funny, I said in my latest post I wish my husband would go out drinking with his buds more often. Then, another comment from someone who plays to "keep in touch with people she normally wouldn't be able to keep in touch with" It's all so fascinating, and interesting and, since I know nothing about this WoW game, I will stop talking now.
Anywho. You can listen to that On Point show, yesterday's show, online. Hint, hint. Thanks, as always, for stopping in.

[John]

Yes! Well put, B. Nicely done.
Soon we will have her playing and hating it too. (my plan is going along juuust fine)

See you tonight!