Welcome to Sprite's World! We're happy to have you here!
Please watch your step and be mindful of the toys.
There are a few rules in my world. As long as you follow the rules, we will get along just fine.
1. Any food you are about to eat must be inspected by me first. If I find it appetizing and want to eat it myself, you must relinquish said food immediately.
2. My nose is my nose. You may not clean it, pick it, run a washcloth across it, try to wipe it, or stick a nasal syringe into my nostrils. "No!" means no. No exceptions.
3. When I lift up my shirt to show you my bitty (belly button for those new to Sprite's World), you must respond in kind. Failure to do so will result in me lifting your shirt up for you and pointing out your bitty to you since you obviously didn't know you had one.
3.a. Add on to above rule: I may decide to grant you a raspberry on your tummy while your shirt is lifted. Do NOT, under any circumstances, wipe the raspberry off while in my presence.
4. Shoes are considered community property in Sprite's World. If I decide to try on your shoes, you must assist me to stand in them and also help me walk around. Failure to do so may result in me getting hurt and any bruises inflicted upon me while granting you an audience will be deemed the responsibility of you.
5. If I touch it*, it becomes mine immediately. (* "It" can be referring to the object I touch itself, or may be expanded to encompass the object it is sitting on and the room it is within. In certain circumstances, "it" may encompass the entire dwelling I am within. Please act accordingly.)
6. Tantrums are to be dealt with in the following manner (no deviations):
Tantrum on the floor in my home- hug and a cookie
Tantrum in a public setting- hug and a cookie and a purchase of the item which initiated the tantrum
Tantrum in a body of water- what kind of idiot would allow me to have a tantrum in water? Immediate removal from Sprite's World!
7. If I am ignoring you while playing, this does not constitute a dismissal. All requests to exit must be approved by me.
8. If I request my cup or any snack, all activities must be suspended upon my request until further notice. All activities include but are not limited to making dinner, putting on clothes, going to the restroom, showering, and whatever may happen behind locked doors.
9. If I become ill with a cold or virus, it is mandatory that all within my world become infected with the same ailment. To ensure this rule is enforced, kisses will be bestowed upon everyone at frequent intervals.
10. Any rule listed above is subject to change at my discretion and if I am unable to enforce the above rules, please refer to my second-in-command, Rupert.
11. So there.
There now, that's not so bad, is it? I am actually quite agreeable and friendly!
Just don't touch that. Or that.
Mine.
Regards,
Sprite
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