Many people thought I would post something about the bachelorette party I attended this weekend. Well, they're right. Yes, I joined up with some old friends from high school for a night of debauchery and mayhem. This party was supposed to help me let my hair down, let my judgemental eye blur a bit as I engaged in behavior I'm usually not into anymore. I was going to show everyone, I'm not as boring as you think I am! True, I have a husband and a young daughter, but I can yank off the "mommy" coat and shake the dust off my "damn straight, I'm gonna get drunk and scream my bloody head off just for the hell of it while I shake my groove thang on the dance floor" sequined coat. I still got it!
No, I don't.
As soon as we entered the restaurant (first stop of the night), I quickly realized the path this night would take. I was complaining more loudly than the bride's MOTHER (yup, the bride's mom and aunt also joined us which would probably give the evening overall a PG rating) about the dim lighting and the fact that I couldn't read the menu. Now, let it be said that everyone at the table was using cell phones to light the way as they deciphered the food and prices, but my cell phone can barely hold a charge, let alone create visual ambiance, so I decided to step out of the box and brought my menu and already overtaxed brain to the only well lit area in the restaurant, the ATM vestibule (because the restaurant is extremely helpful when they want you to remember your PIN number).
We made our way to the second stop of the night, a dueling paino bar. Pretty entertaining, right? I happened to have the honor of sitting next to the bride's aunt, who thought she needed to encourage her favorite piano player every time a song ended. "Go, Morgan!" "Good job, Morgan!" she would shout every time applause began. SHE ended up being the source of my entertainment for a majority of the time there since it looked like she was trying to break records with the number of chocolate martinis she was consuming.
Our last stop was at a club where I rounded out my education. I lasted a total of 15 minutes on the floor, bouncing and grooving to the techno beat before I surrendured to my greater sensibilites and left the club. One thing about techno, and you all know what I'm going to say. I have a great appreciation for music, however I do not understand the lure of techno. The same beat over and over, eclipsing any music that happens to accompany it. The beat got louder and louder until saving my eardrums from damage became a priority.And worse, I never knew when a song ended and a new one began! Just that same beat... Now, I know you're all wondering. Were the bride's mother and aunt also grooving to the beat with us? No, they showed their age and smarts by remaining at the piano bar.
I watched the other people in the area while I waited for my sister and best friend to join me and cemented my nagging suspicions that I am no longer with that scene. I used to be able to work it with the best of them. My nights would not end until 3-4 in the morning and usually at an all night Denny's to refuel. I could down tequila shots and never feel it. I was able to function the next day on next to no sleep. Now, my night ends when Sprite is asleep, the laundry folded, and the dishes done. Whether it be 8pm or 10pm, my eyes will most likely close when my head goes horizontal. Eating in the wee hours? Even John, who used to snigger about my parents wanting to go to a restaurant prior to 7pm, likes to get in with the early crowd so we're not waiting too long for meals to arrive and a hungry Sprite starts taking hostages. (and we BOTH complain about heartburn when eating past daylight hours) And forget about drinking. It now seems very easy for me to get shnukkered on fumes. I can't even make it past half a wine cooler anymore so I decided not to drink at all anymore. Why would I waste ten bucks on a chocolate martini (yes, bride's aunt, that's how much you were paying per pop) when I'm just going to regret it minutes later?
So, now we know. I was not able to take off my "Mommy" coat at all during this evening (although I was very good with only calling John twice to check on Sprite) and I'm pretty sure it's permanently affixed now. My old "damn straight, I'm gonna get drunk and scream my bloody head off just for the hell of it while I shake my groove thang on the dance floor" sequined coat is on the way to the dry cleaners and I couldn't care less if they lose it.
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