Sprite's Keeper

From The Cutting Room Floor

In this digital age of photography where it's easy to smooth over blemished skin (so all teenagers look like they haven't been making out with a drumstick) or delete an image because the subject wasn't smiling, or even Photoshop the hell out of your subject to make a bad shot look somewhat less frightening, I find it difficult to locate bad pictures anymore. So, this photo essay is dedicated to bad shots of Sprite, either in the way she was looking or reacting to something, which makes for some funny finger pointing.

Take this first one below, for example. This picture was taken at Sears when Sprite was 2 months old. She looks particularly miserable in this one.

It could have been worse. We could have gotten the 10X13 of this:

No worries though. We settled for a couple of wallet size photos. (By the way, never fall for the scam in which Sears tries to sell you the calendar and the collage shot for "just $10.00 more!" We did. Not worth it.)

This next one was taken when we placed Sprite into her Christmas dress for a photo in our holiday card. She was only three weeks old at the time so this was the only picture in which she was not screaming and crying. (And her eyes were open, which was important. Never mind that they were crossed, they were open.)

"Don't take my-"

"-picture!"

All right, all right, don't get your Huggies in a twist!

Even Sprite is shocked with the above picture!

Oh, crap, I think she's catching on to us!

If she ever wants to be emancipated, this will surely help her case.

I, of course, will plead temporary insanity.

John, you're on your own.

Sh, it's a secret..

I have a secret. Promise not to tell?

I keep looking over my shoulder since I don't want anyone to know. Wait, let me look over yours...Okay, we're clear. Here it is.

I'm looking at other daycares.

(Pause)

Oh, that felt so good! To get that off my back. Whew. Okay, let me untense and unclench here...Done.

Surprisingly, we like Sprite's daycare. A lot. With the exception of some issues here and there, it really is a great place. Plus, they give out free sand! (They just don't tell you they do, but every day, just before she goes home, they slip about a tablespoon worth of playground sand into each of Sprite's shoes. It's a wonderful discovery when you're taking off her sneakers at home, in her room, on the carpet.. Where's my vaccuum?)

I know I complain about Sprite's daycare from time to time, but the problems are really only to do with the common things you see at every daycare. Show me a daycare center that has no biters and I will then want to see proof that the kids have teeth.

So, if we like her daycare so much, why are we looking? The problem is the expense. The "Oh My Flipping Freak Out, would you look at that" bill! Let me give you a breakdown without going into too much detail, like social security numbers and what not. When Sprite started her daycare experience, she was 3 months old. She was in the infant room which cost $200.00. A week. If that's not a lot to you, then you must live somewhere urban and chic and aren't you just a badass? If that is a lot to you, then you may live somewhere a little more rural where cows and horses are completely acceptable modes of city transportation. (Your kids must have learned their farm animal sounds way before my tike did and can probably name which parts of the cow go into what cuts of meat. And I am impressed. Really!) If the amount is exactly what you pay, then I know who you are, and please keep your damn cats off my property. My dogs are going nuts here!

All right, now that we've filtered you into your categories (I love organization, I even categorize my readers!), I'll break it down one more time and tell you that when Sprite joined the upright society, they moved her to the one year old room. This dropped our weekly tuition by thirty whole dollars. Not bad, not bad. Now we can afford our Lexus payments.

Okay, so all is well and good, right? We already know what we're spending and she's been there awhile, no issues. Sure. For now. You see, John and I are looking into the expansion of our family project. (I know Sprite thinks she'll be an Only, but we've got plans and it involves toy sharing, her most hated thing in the world.) And with family expansion comes another tuition payment to the school. We'll be looking at almost $400.00 a week. Painful.

Of course you could be thinking, if you can't afford it, why have another child? I am here to say you have a valid point, and I could also tell you where to stick your valid point, but I won't. The truth is, every stage Sprite grows out of is like a little emotional death for me. My arms were meant to hold more than one baby. My heart was meant to love more than one. My sanity threshold is good for at least two more kids before it breaks. (To the contrary of what John says.)

And that is why we're looking (quietly) at other daycares. If it comes down to us leaving our current place, it will be sad. I'm used to the teachers and so is Sprite. She likes it there. I like it there. My wallet doesn't like it there, and unfortunately, it's talking the loudest.

I'm afraid of transitioning her. Hell, I'm afraid of transitioning US, but we'll burn cross that bridge when we get to it. I just hope the new place, if we go to a new place, gives out free sand.

Never Trust a Man in Costco

Ring!

"Hey."

"Do you want pickles? They have pickles, a big jar for $3.00."

"No, sweetie. Just get what you came for."

"Are you sure? It's a really good deal."

"Again, no. We didn't discuss pickles."

"It's a really good deal."

"No impulse buys! Get thee to a register and be done with it!"

"(Sigh) Bye."

You know the myth about how a man can walk into a mall and exit within 10 minutes with only the purchase he came for and no pit stops (discounting Auntie Anne's)?

Busted wide open.